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Did anybody choose to be a lone parent?

(12 Posts)
Rowan49 Wed 01-Dec-10 20:09:45

Hello, I posted a while ago about my situation and I am considering having a baby using donor sperm via IVF.

I'm interested in hearing experiences of lone parents as it looks as if this is a route I will have to take if I want a family.

Many thanks x

LadyBiscuit Wed 01-Dec-10 20:11:54

Yes I did My DS is now 3. Best thing I've ever done

Rowan49 Wed 01-Dec-10 20:13:57

Thank you LB! :D Were your circumstances the same as mine? xx

LadyBiscuit Wed 01-Dec-10 20:21:59

I don't know to be honest - haven't read your other posts although I will have a look now I was 42, fed up of failing to find the right man so had IUI, got pregnant, had my son.

I wish I'd done it sooner really. Getting your finances in place is really important - figure out what you can afford and how you're going to support yourselves. And bear in mind that you could have twins if you have IVF. The Donor Conception Network might be useful to you - there are a lot of single mothers on there who have used donor sperm

SingleMumAndProud Wed 01-Dec-10 20:33:51

I am not in the same situation as you at all as I had 2 kids with my husband who is now an ex. BUT if I could rewind a few years, never get married but still have my 2 children, I defiantly would!

I am happy being a lone parent, but I really, really struggle dealing with their Dad! So if I were you - I would go for it! smile

Rowan49 Wed 01-Dec-10 20:50:47

Thank you! I would LOVE twins, to be honest - I'll probably regret saying that! But yes, I have to wait to ensure my finances are completely secure, as I want twelve months maternity leave and all the paraphenelia that goes with it.

I'm 30 so I have a while to wait but I am very broody!

bakedapplepie Wed 01-Dec-10 20:53:06

I used a sperm donor, now have a DD 6mths old.lady makes good point get your finances in order. also you could take a look at tacky I know)a good donor will only ask you to pay for their small expense's, you can arrange medical checks etc and they would provide references to other laides they have donated too. The money you would save on IVF could start your baby fund off nicely.

Mzdemeanourunderthemistletoe Wed 01-Dec-10 20:57:42

@ Rowan - be careful what you wish for, I've got twins and believe me they are very hard work - plus which, much as I adore them both, I sometimes regret not having had (or have even now for that matter ...) one on one time with a baby or child!

To address your original post, strangely enough I thought about having a baby by donor (and got as far as being accepted for IUI) , decided I didn't really want to be a single parent - two years later got married, pregnant with twins and separated within a year so go figure.

Still not sure I would have chosen this path, but it's what i've got - I'm (mostly) happy and more importantly so are my children. Second LadyBiscuit re finances etc - and also having support of family/friends. What I always find is that when it's working it's great, but if something goes wrong eg one of us is sick, it really goes wrong!

Rowan49 Wed 01-Dec-10 21:04:44

Yes, I can see how twins must be extremely hard work. It appeals to me as the liklihood is I would only have one child, so twins would mean built in companions for one another

Support of family is difficult: I have one (elderly) father - that is it, sadly. I like to think I'm not looking at this as an easy option, but the other option is not to have children, which is unthinkable.

AlphaSchmalpha Wed 01-Dec-10 21:54:42

hi Rowan

I didn't choose to parent alone but have a 3.5yo ds and from 5mo pg have been by myself.

it is fine, it is do-able (a lot of the time it is fabulous! some of the time it is grindingly hard work and soul-destroying though) but I do second, third and fourth the calls for sorting out finances and also support.

if you don't have family nearby do you have good friends or neighbours close by? and i mean close by, not 30 mins+ drive away, but people who you can pop round to see or call on in an emergency. Or do you have enough room in your house for an au pair, or can you stretch to a live in nanny so you aren't running yourself ragged to nursery opening hours every working day?

Just having an extra pair of hands in the morning or evenings, or on a Saturday morning for example is invaluable, and isn't easily covered by formal babysitting.

But it is wonderful and lovely and while I honestly think that two loving, happy parents is the best model, one loving happy parent is a pretty good deal too. smile

EternalBlame Wed 01-Dec-10 22:31:24

I am in a similar situation to Alpha and SingleMum - my relationship broke down when I was pg and DS's father has had no further involvement.

I am very happy that I'm a single parent now and I'm definitely relieved that I don't have to deal with a nightmare ex, or to be honest even sharing family time with an ex (arranging Christmas and holiday contact time, for example).

When he was younger I did wish that I had an extra pair of hands and that I had someone to make Big Decisions with (e.g. school, moving etc). But now I've had couple friends share details of arguments over that kind of thing, I'm actually quite glad I get full control over everything! When I've gone on holiday with my sister and her DH and their children, I can't help thinking that men just get in the way of good parenting rather than helping... grin

sunshineriver Thu 02-Dec-10 23:46:49

I echo what EternalBlame said

I too had a relationship breakdown when I was PG, though we were only together 3 months anyway and I was rather relieved when he didn't want anything more to do with me!

It is super being in control of everything, but lonely in the evenings - that's my biggest thing, just the lonliness.

I love how people who meet me without knowing me previously do not assume that I'm a single mum as I have always thought that it was tattooed across my forehead - I'm happy to know that that is not the case! grin

It is bloody hard work though - but then apparently it is being in a relationship - so be sure to have plenty of support around you for babysitting/respite more for your sanity than anything.

And never be ashamed of being a single mum - it is your choice and it is right for you - sod what everyone else thinks, just coz it is right for them does not mean it is right for you

Best of luck with it x

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