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Very angry 7 year old - doesn't want mum to have a "boyfriend";

(9 Posts)
SJW1001 Tue 30-Nov-10 22:27:52

Hi, after being a single mum for the last 6 years I've met someone. My 7 year old is very very cross about it and I'd really like some advice on how to manage the situation. She doesn't want me to have anyone in my life and it is is bringing up all kind of issues around her relationship with her dad, who she sees every 2 weeks.

piscesmoon Tue 30-Nov-10 22:39:34

He needs to develop a relationship in his own right. You will have to take it very very slowly and not force anything. Hopefully get to the point of doing things without you sometimes but you have to be very patient.

Niceguy2 Tue 30-Nov-10 22:46:24

Well the first thing is not to back down.

If you do then you are giving her a lot of power in your life.

Try to make her realise that she's not going to lose you. That you & her dad still love her just the same, that won't change and this new person is going to be just a special friend to mummy and be an addition.

Make sure you set aside some quality time to spend with her without your BF. A mistake some people do is automatically involve their new partner in everything and the child feels pushed out.

If your new BF has met your DD then he will need to understand his priority is to befriend her. Forget him asserting any form of discipline or authority until she accepts him as part of your world.

Good luck

piscesmoon Tue 30-Nov-10 22:48:57

Don't give up! Work at it.

readywithwellies Wed 01-Dec-10 22:01:40

My dsd did not want me around.

You have to be sure your bf is aware of the problems and that you regularly talk about what you are doing about it.

Assure dd that you still love her, do stuff altogether that she would like but also make sure you still have one-on-one time with her too.

It will take time. I am nearly two years in and dsd is only now starting to see me as part of her family, and we live together full time!

HappyWithLife Fri 03-Dec-10 10:09:24

Absolutely agree with Niceguy about him not disciplining her. My exp made the mistake of being heavy handed with DD, despite me saying I just needed him to be in the background when it came to discipline. It was disastrous. He couldn't accept that I choose my battles wisely when it comes to the kids, and you have to let certain things go otherwise it's a constant fight. He wanted her pulled up over every single thing, and if I didn't he would do it. She ended up hating him and it was impossible to carry on the relationship. This was virtually from day one of him meeting the Dcs

Limez Fri 03-Dec-10 10:15:28

How long have you been together? And how much contact has there been between your bf and dd?

HystericalMe Sat 04-Dec-10 12:36:30

happy with life... was that just down to his personality?

overmydeadbody Sat 04-Dec-10 18:24:31

That is terrible Happy!! He sounds like a horrible man.

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