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So cross at school

(29 Posts)
HappyWithLife Mon 22-Nov-10 23:24:54

All 3 of my children have been off school most of last week and today with flu; I've had it too and it's been rough. DD2, who is 6, went in on Monday but was off Tuesday - Friday and then again today.
The school rang today and the headmistress was SO snotty with me, basically saying it was unheard of for a child to be off so long (really? For 5 days with flu? Has she never had flu then?) and that she had been seen at a child's birthday party at the weekend. I explained that as she had been feeling better I let her go, but that I had been up with her all night last night so decided to keep her off again today. She is chesty, tearful, weak and very very sleepy. My older 2 have been equally bad.
From what the head said she had questioned some of DDs classmates to see if she'd said anything to them. I was furious at this; it's my call...if I think she is too ill to go to school I will keep her off. Not like it was intentional, I work from home and haven't been able to work with the kids home. Anyway, after speaking to me like one of the pupils she told me DD has missed so much work (she's 6 FFS not doing her GCSEs) and that she expects to see her in tomorrow. Well, at 8.30 tonight DD had a bout of diarrhoea and terrible tummy pains. Now, the school policy is that no child should be in school until 24 hours has passed since the last episode of vomiting or diarrhoea, so what the hell do I do? Take a sick child in or keep her off another day?
At the beginning of the flu she told her teacher she felt ill and the teacher told her off, saying that her mother (me) shouldn't have brought her in to school as nobody else wants to catch it!

GypsyMoth Mon 22-Nov-10 23:30:06

Keep her off!!

It's 48 hours here before we can return to school

HappyWithLife Mon 22-Nov-10 23:31:09

Well that's what I a mother my instinct is to keep her at home. But I was made to feel like a criminal for keeping her off with flu!

gillybean2 Tue 23-Nov-10 03:10:34

Phone the school and ask them what they suggest and sk if they require a doctor's note. Though doctor probably won't be happy to see either as they don't want them /staff/waiting room to catch it either!

The office staff will probably spout the 24/48 hour policy at you. Keep a not of the phone call time/date and who you spoke too.

If head teacher gets any more snotty with you then say you will need to involve the governors as she is asking you to directly contravene school policy.

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 07:34:00

Thanks Gillybean, I think I will have to do that as I have been up all night again with DD, coughing til she was nearly sick. I think she/we had about 4 hours sleep in the end. It will be disruptive to the class if she's coughing like this in school and I'm sure the other parents won't thank me if their children get ill in the run up to christmas.

sugargirl1 Tue 23-Nov-10 08:06:43

HappyWithLife you are not one of the head's pupils and if she gives you any further trouble I suggest you point this out to her.

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 08:21:01

Exactly Sugargirl. I have just called the school because I really felt it unfair to wake my DD when she has been up all night and is still unwell. She was her usual obnoxious self, and said that apart from 2 seriously ill children in the school, out of 200+ pupils etc etc (spouting numbers at me) that they have never had a child off for this long. I find that hard to believe as flu knocks you right out. I said I wasn't concerned about DD, and that she has classic flu symptoms, as do/have the rest of us, and she made me feel like a terrible mother for not panicking about her! She then insisted I take DD to the doctor, even though, as I pointed out they will not want a sneezing, coughing child passing it on to their other patients. She said the diarrhoea indictaed something serious, which I am in complete disagreement with as I know when I have even a heavy cold, the phlegm build up makes me either sick or gives me diarrhoea.
I've woken up today feeling like hell, and no way I'd be able to go into work if I worked away from the home, so I know DD would be unhappy and ill if she went to school.

ConstanceFelicity Tue 23-Nov-10 08:24:01

I would complain.
I think it was unprofessional of her to be so snotty and judgmental over the phone, and I think she needs to be told that you made a decision, as a mother, to keep her at home, at great expense to yourself.

clam Tue 23-Nov-10 08:29:36

You could always say to her that you understand she has her attendance figures to consider, but that your primary concern is the welfare of your daughter and that you will therefore make the decision as to whether or not she is fit for school, not her.

FreudianSlimmery Tue 23-Nov-10 08:37:22

Teacher sounds like a right moo. It's hardly the end of the world when she's six FFS! If it was swine flu she wouldn't be allowed in surely?

Can you give her some gentle work to catch up at home? Reading, maths workbook etc?

pleasechange Tue 23-Nov-10 08:39:07

She sounds like a complete bully. I can't believe what she's said about absence figures. You must feel awful - being ill yourself with ill children and now having the headteacher telling you off! I would write a letter putting it all down on paper, maybe also a copy to the governors (not complaining as such but setting out all the facts) - it will only upset you to have her on the phone about it any more

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 08:56:07

Thankyou all, it's made me feel better knowing it's not just me.
Freudian...DD is always working at home, she never stops writing, reading etc. I will go over her songs for the xmas play with her so she knows the words.
It's an odd school...when I went to her parents evening recently I was asked was there something wrong with DD as she is so quiet in class. I said I was surprised as she is a real clown at home. I asked what her work was like; they told me she was top of the class. I asked what her behaviour was like; I was told she'd never had to be told off. But I had to ask for that information, all the teacher wanted to focus on was that DD was quiet and she complained...actually complained...that DD was happy to get on with her work quietly instead of messing about with the other children shock. She has lots of friends, is always being invited to parties, but shock horror she actually likes to learn.

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 08:58:20

And that was my point exactly Freudian...that's how epidemics start, swine flu for instance.
I'm fortunate in that I work from home so can keep her off until she's well, but it is still detrimental to me as I am just starting out on building up my career, so it has seriously put me behind.

FreudianSlimmery Tue 23-Nov-10 11:17:55

Good grief this teacher gets weirder and weirder! She seems like a really negative person - I bet the more lively kids are complained about for not doing enough work hmm

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 14:21:08

So I took DD to the doctor this afternoon at the school's insistence and the GP confirmed that DD has/had the flu, and that I had taken the appropriate action and should continue to do the same until she is well enough in my eyes to send her back to school. She also said it was a reasonable amount of time to be off with flu.
So I emailed the head and told her this is no uncertain terms.
Let's see what she says next hmm

sugargirl1 Tue 23-Nov-10 14:30:16

Well done hon - what a lunatic head teacher, especially as your child is soo well behaved and does so well. That should show her. :0

FreudianSlimmery Tue 23-Nov-10 14:48:37

Good news that you've been proved right (though I don't think any sane person doubted you!)

Hope she feels better soon.

mummytime Tue 23-Nov-10 14:58:15

The worst the head can do is send the Educational Welfare officer to see you. I would think she/he would take one look at your plague infected house and run a mile.

I really think this head needs a reality check.

Good luck!

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 16:59:13

Just had this reply, sanctamonious old bag:

Thanks very much for your email.

I appreciate your comments and hope that X is feeling better. I feel that it is a shame that X went to Y's party at the weekend as this must have impacted on her health and that of the other children present. It could also give children the wrong impression that a birthday party has precedence over school.

I apologise if you feel that my views are rather strict but the school does have a duty of care for all children and also to promote the value of education.

We look forward to welcoming X back at school.


gillybean2 Tue 23-Nov-10 17:15:18

She'll never go away otherwise

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 17:24:08

Have just sent this reply...

Dear Mrs A

X went to Y's party because at the time she felt well enough, the same way that my oldest daughter felt well enough to go to school on Wednesday and Thursday but relapsed on Friday. It is the nature of this particular virus that we have all had. Had I felt that she was still ill I would not have allowed her to go to the party, obviously. But she did, and as it was not in school time I do not feel as though I should be justifying that any longer.

I also have a duty of care, towards my daughter, which is why I have kept her off school. When, at the start of her illness, I sent her into school, Mrs B told her that I should not have sent her into school, and yet when I make the decision to keep her off I am made to feel that I am being neglectful towards her education.

Yours sincerely

zookeeper Tue 23-Nov-10 17:24:30

Dear Headmistress

Thank you for your email. I have explained to you that I allowed DD to go to the party as she was feeling better after her illness . Of course I was not to know that she would deteriorate again that night. Unlike you, neither I nor her doctor accept that her presence at the party must have impacted upon her health or that of the other children present but you are of course entitled to your opinions, however erroneous they might be.

Hullygully Tue 23-Nov-10 17:28:49


Why don't you fuck off you sanctimonious old bag?

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 17:28:59

Zookeeper...cross post but similar don't you think? I'm bloody sick of being dictated to.

HappyWithLife Tue 23-Nov-10 17:29:51

I'm right aren't I, that this was a snotty e mail, basically saying I don't care about her education?

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