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Why is contacting an old flame a very bad idea indeed...???

(5 Posts)
StellaBrillante Tue 16-Nov-10 23:17:45

When I say 'old', I mean...errr...from 15 years ago - dear me, really that long?!?! Italian, very good looking... And here I am, bored and very stressed out at the same time. No, it makes no sense to me either. Oh, and very broke too! Trying to sort out my finances, hate-my-job-problem, house move... the list is endless. But I just want an arm around me and to be wined and dined, only for a few hours!

So, is contacting this old flame a bad idea?

HeadlessLegless Wed 17-Nov-10 01:14:28

There is a reason why he is an "old flame".....

gillybean2 Wed 17-Nov-10 02:14:32

Yes it is usually a bad idea. Why did you part 15 years ago? Do you even know if he's still single?

He's not going to fix your life, just distract you for a while. And you may end up with more issues than before!

Find some other ways to deal with the stress and boredom?

MassiveKnob Wed 17-Nov-10 05:38:06

are you single? Is he single? Then I suppose there is no reason why not. You may find out why you broke up in the first place, or it could be that you are both older and wiser and it works.

If either of you are in a relationship, then no way.

EnnisDelMar Wed 17-Nov-10 07:39:02

I would advise against it from bitter experience - several times - people do change and you may find he's not the 'safe harbour' he seems in hindsight, he may still have issues from before which he wants to resolve or argue about, he may want more from you than you are willing to give this time, and the issues you had before will not have gone away.
Also you may find yourself wanting more than he wants to give.

This is a security thing, and he is probably not the best person to provide that security - he seems familiar and safe but he is a real person and will have needs of his own.

It's never a good idea to use someone - not in the horrid sense of 'using' but ykwim. It's never free.

I've had illusions like this shattered a few times - people I thought were so wonderful and I should have stayed with, turn out not to be very nice, and so on - it can rob you of your good memories too.

Never meet your heroes - or exes!

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