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Childrens names

(43 Posts)
sarbie Tue 16-Nov-10 14:11:27

I got devorced last year and have gone back to my maiden name as my ex has re married.

I wanted to add my name to my childrens but he won't allow it.

Is there something I can do or can he still control parts of my life as well as the children. Thanks

elastamum Tue 16-Nov-10 14:41:16

You need your exes permission to change the childrens names. I looked into this through my solicitor and I'm afraid if he doesnt agree the courts wont grant a name change

SMummyS Tue 16-Nov-10 15:21:36

Them having his surname has nothing to do with him controlling their lives. The courts see it as a link to their paternal family. What would happen when you re-marry? My DBD is 5 adamant she wants to keep her dads name, her M wants to change it to her re-married name. The court said no, reason being what would happen if you split up?? Another name change.

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 15:42:23

It should be law that children don't automatically take the father's surname! grrrr angry

There should be another way. And it should not be 'traditional' that a woman takes her husband's surname either angry.

It causes almighty name fuck-ups.

It's so medieval

SMummyS Tue 16-Nov-10 15:46:40

Children don't automatically take their fathers name.. And women choose to take their husbands name when they marry. It's a CHOICE they're not made to do it.

pleasechange Tue 16-Nov-10 15:46:45

Unlikelyamazonion - there is no law that a woman has to take her husband's name or indeed about what name the child has. Clearly the mother agreed to the child's name at the time (with the known risk that upon separation this issue would arise). Like another poster says, what happens if the OP meets another man and then wants to change the child's name again, and again. The name has been given, with the mother's consent. The child will be free to change it upon adulthood

elastamum Tue 16-Nov-10 16:52:21

I have never taken my ex husbands name but we did give his surname to the kids as it was a big deal to his parents. Now we are divorced DS2 wants to change his surname to mine but dad is obviously not keen. He probably would agree to hyphenate but I have one son happy with current name and one definately not.

I think the issue has arisen for DS2 as there is a new mrs ex and she is not his mum (sorry BoM but thats how he sees it). He wants to be more obviously associated with me and not her and his dad, who he doesnt live with. I have never made a big deal out of it, but is is a big deal for DS2 and he is regularly asking me to sort it out with his dad.

I have told him he may have to wait until he is 16, then if we apply the courts wont oppose

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 17:21:38

I know there is no law. hmm

I am just saying, and I will say it until I drop dead, that it is an unfair hangover from the bloody ice age that a woman, upon marrying, still (usually) thinks that it is loving, nice, traditional and all that other crap, to take her husbands surname.

Many other cultures dont have such a stupid tradition.

And married people should never have a joint account.

Even Vincent Duggleby told me that. Rather despairingly!

We are meant to be living in an age of equality.

Yes yes I know this argument has many facets but a woman should nvere take her husbands name and a childs surname should be barrelled and barrelled and barrelled infinitum.

If native indians do it so can modern westerners angry We are just hung up on bloody 'paternity'

Its the mother that usually gets the dcs. So why should not husbands always take the wife's surname? Then, upon the split, the dcs would have the mother's name.

Come ohn, you can't say that's not fair...because that is how it is at the moment for men.


sarbie Tue 16-Nov-10 17:56:10

Thanks for that. I never thought we would split up but the grass was greener.

I only want to add my name and not change it but thanks for the replies.

pleasechange Tue 16-Nov-10 19:36:15

goodness unlikelyamazonian you really are very angry about this. Again really no-one has to change their name upon marriage, so I'm not sure what the big problem is. if someone is so weak that they feel cultural pressure to change their name on marriage then presumably they're not that bothered about equality anyway

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 19:39:23

that's a really dumb post.

but I am sure you have your blinkered reasons

pleasechange Tue 16-Nov-10 19:40:30

why is it a dumb post to suggest women have a choice over their own destiny? Were you forced to change your name against your will or something that has caused you such anxiety on the subject?

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 19:41:45

Actually, I take that back.

Lone parents are not meant or allowed to be angry about anything.

Are they.


Well, only when its allowed by others on the LP thread. hmm

I don't bother posting on this thread that much.

<<stepford smile>>

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 19:43:21

why are are you on this LP threads Mrs allnew ?

please enlighten.

your insight is fascinating

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 19:48:35

did you take your husband's name? I am assuming you are still married.

If you aren't then what is your surname now and what are your DC's surnames (if you have any) now?

You are being very arsey. confused

pleasechange Tue 16-Nov-10 19:48:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pleasechange Tue 16-Nov-10 19:50:01

none of your business unlikely, but as all other women do, I had the choice (in the case of both of my marriages grin) to use whatever name I chose

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 19:54:26

clever. <<bows>>

haven't the foggiest notion what you mean however.

[stupid arse/confounded emoticon]

you are still stupid.

and more angry than me.

pleasechange Tue 16-Nov-10 20:07:26

haha. Very well done. You run out of ideas so just call me stupid instead. So basically if someone doesn't agree with you they're stupid. If someone makes you change your name, they're stupid. hmm, recurring theme here. I guess it makes you feel better about things if you blame your choices on others

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 20:13:27

Nope. Your are not nice.

Wellwasi Tue 16-Nov-10 20:17:40

I'm a father and our children live with me.
50/50 and fathers getting residency is an increasingly common occurrence in my experience.

Should our children have my surname or my ex's, she's re- married and has a double barrelled surname. So what should the children's surmame be?

I reckon it should be what was on the birth certificate.

pleasechange Tue 16-Nov-10 20:25:35

that seems sensible wellwasi (but what would I know, I don't belong here apparently and I'm not nice grin)

UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 20:32:51

So what should it have been on the birth cert?

I mean seriousloy, what? I agree it works both ways. Thats why its stupid that a woman traditionally upon marriage takes that mans surname.

I have no answers. I just know it is medieval

One day it will all change.

That isn't a threat btw. I have just paid a small fortune to legally disentangle my son from his father. But nothing I can do will change his birth certificate. This is wrong, biased, wrong, medieval, wrong, biased........

Women have the rough end of the disentanglement-stick after taking 'their' man's name.

Let's see, just for a nano-second-change, him fill in the endless amount of paperwork for a full name change.... writing to banks/building societies/passport agency/enclosing copies of annulments and decree absolutes, gas bills/joint credit cards/

and the rest


UnlikelyAmazonian Tue 16-Nov-10 20:38:16

allnew I ask again, what is your situation?

contribute something.

Why are you so cross?

I might be able to help!!! <<serious>>

cant do these kind of arguments

But I fecking will if I have to <<<FISTS UP>>>

pleasechange Tue 16-Nov-10 20:44:22

erm, my situation is that I take responsibility for my own choices and don't blame society/culture/men for them. Clearly that offends you

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