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new bf's mum has passed away, dont know how to deal with it

(5 Posts)
Miley10 Sat 13-Nov-10 22:56:47

I met new man in april and we became really good friends. When college ended in June he suggested we stay in touch. Anyway in July we started seeing each other, although we didnt see each other over the summer holidays. Then in Sept he started taking me out again and I thought we were becoming more than friends even though he said he likes to take things slow. I got used to him only texting about once a week. Then about a month ago he texted me to tell me his mum had passed away the night before. For the next three weeks until I went on holiday he showed me more attention than he had before. He said he was sorry for not showing his true feelings for me but that he found it hard showing how he felt. Then I went on holiday. When I got back from holiday I guess I was expecting him to show the same attention as before I left. We met up, my dd was having a sleepover at a friends so I knew I could go back to his if he wanted. He took me out to dinner but he was different this time, more distant. He invited me back where we talked alot but he didnt mention his mum once. He then told me that emotionally he wasnt in the right place for a relationship. Then alittle while later he told me again he didnt want a relationship which hurt when he said it again. Anyway I stayed the night, we tried having sex but in the end he said he couldnt, that it was him not me and he said sorry. The next morning the first thing he said was sorry again. Then over breakfast he apologised again and asked whether I would hold it against him which of course I wouldnt. I asked him whether he just wanted to be friends and he said yes and see where it goes. When I was leaving he said he would text me to arrange to go out again which confused me. I texted him the other day to see how he was, he texted back the next day to sorry he didnt text back and that was it.

I need advice on how to be there for him, my head is all over the place and I cant think straight. I feel like hes pushed me away which I can understand but I dont think hes pushed any of his other friends or family away, I dont know whether to wait for him until hes ready for a relationship or move on which I'm finding hard to do as I really care about him. Any advice please.

Really sorry if its abit long and jumbled up.

nolie Sun 14-Nov-10 21:21:10

Hi it can be very hard when a parent dies what ever age you are and you are all mixed up.I could be wrong but if I was you I would send one more text and say if you ever need someone to talk to you know my number.Then leave it at that and just get on with your life the ball is in his court but at the same time you are not putting your life on hold.If its meant to be it will work out and if it isnt meant to be then he wasnt right for you. Hope this helps

Miley10 Sun 14-Nov-10 21:56:53

Thanks nolie for replying, I cant stop thinking about the whole situation and cant sleep at night. Your right I should let him know one more time that I'm here for him. It could take a long time before hes ready but like you said if its meant to be it will work itself out but its still really hard accepting that hes just pushed me away.

Miley10 Sun 14-Nov-10 21:56:53

Thanks nolie for replying, I cant stop thinking about the whole situation and cant sleep at night. Your right I should let him know one more time that I'm here for him. It could take a long time before hes ready but like you said if its meant to be it will work itself out but its still really hard accepting that hes just pushed me away.

nolie Mon 15-Nov-10 13:52:33

Hi Miley.It is hard.I lost my mother when I was 26 within a month I had bad eczema come out and I had never had it in my life it was from the stress and shock of loosing her your boyfriend is just coping his way with it but after leaving him one last text there is really nothing more you can do and hopefully when the shock and pain starts to wear off he will get in contact with you.Just make sure you dont sit around waiting though go out with your friends.He could take a while to see things properly or he may never see things how they used to be and you dont want to be sitting around waiting.As I said if its meant to be it will be and if its not then may be you are meant to be with someone else.

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