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Separation Rights Advice

(4 Posts)
WADA Mon 08-Nov-10 06:55:52

Hey there. I'm newly single with DD and DS. I wonder if anyone could point me in the direction of an on-line resource for establishing what my rights are please? There seem plenty for divorce but as I'm not married I believe things are different. I'm desperate to try and keep my house which I own 50/50 with ex-p but I'm not sure if it's feasible, especially given that I've been raising the kids for the last 5 or so years and haven't worked. My biggest fear is that I'm going to lose this safety net for me and my kids.

Thanks very much.

Niceguy2 Mon 08-Nov-10 10:32:37

It's actually fairly simple if you are not married.

In essence, what's yours is yours. What's his is his. Anything joint is up for discussion.

Since the house is in joint names, assuming you did not buy the house as tenants in common (you'd know if you did this as you'd have to sign a declaration of trust and define %age shares) then this is where it will all fall down. Technically since you are not married, this is a straight land law dispute. The starting point is 50-50 since you are joint tenants but courts will vary it if one of you put more money in than the other. What will not happen because this s not a divorce, is the court will not say "Oh Ms Wada, you have kids...you get more of the house!"

His financial liabilities is simply child maintenance. That's it. He's no responsibility or liability to keep a roof over you til the kids are 18 which is a bit of an urban myth.

Hope that helps

WADA Tue 09-Nov-10 06:35:41

Thanks Niceguy2 - helpful but not really what I want to hear! Part of me says fight to keep the house. The other part of me says just forget it - accept that you're going to lose everything and just get on with it. I just want to feel safe and for my kids to grow up in their own home. I feel as though I'm being punished for not being married, for raising my own children and for not being an economic unit! I feel real anger that my ex-p has the economic potential to start over and have everything whilst I'm going to spend the next 20 years or so struggling to balance raising the children with trying to work, trying to study, trying to have a life blah blah. I accept that he's going to lose the daily contact with the children which will be hard but his position seems so relatively straight forward and full of financial certainty whereas my end of the deal, apart from having the wonderful luxury of having my children with me, seems fraught with stress and hardship.

I apologise for sounding like a pity party. I'm in the early stages of the break up and although I know it's the best thing (no more being told how I don't come up to scratch in just about every area of life), I am so worried about security for my children.

Niceguy2 Tue 09-Nov-10 09:09:51

Financially unmarried men do tend to come out of it easier. Partly because the law doesnt recognise living together and partly because the man generally earns more.

In my case, the fact I was unmarried has been pretty much the sole reason I've managed to keep the house for the kids. Obviously if you speak to my ex she'd also claim its unfair.

What you do now depends on your own financial circumstances. There's absolutely no point in struggling like hell to live in a house you can't really afford. Where's the security in that? If that's the case, you are better off downsizing to somewhere more modest and living in security.

The early stages of a breakup are always hardest. Ultimately though, anger about injustice gets you nowhere. It is what it is. What you need to do is take stock of your situation and cut your cloth accordingly. So make sure you are claiming all the benefits you are entitled to. Make sure you've sorted out contact and maintenance. The latter, don't rely on to pay the bills. What I mean is make sure you can survive without it. At some point ex's always try to pressure you by withholding maintenance and the last thing you need is his money to pay the mortgage. Puts you in a untenable position.

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