I have just completely lost it with my daughter, I'm so ashamed?

[mummytowillow]

I'm so tired, so bored, so skint, I've just started a new job, full time and I'm shattered?

My daughter (3) is a delight (most) of the time, we have had a lovely day, until tonight. She had asked if she could go to bed at 6.30, so I'm getting her milk ready, as I'm putting the lid back on the beaker she said she wanted to do it and grabbed it off me. It spilt everywhere and I'm ashamed to say I lost it. I screamed at her and threw the rest of the milk at her and it hit her in the face

How could I do that to my little girl, she had a look of pure terror on her face, I then continued to shout at her as I put her in the bath as she was covered in milk. She was just a sobbing mess and now I can't stop thinking about it, from the outside that's child abuse, terrible, terrible behaviour from me.

My only excuse is the above and I'm fed up with being a single mum that wasn't my choice! I'm on my period so very hormonal too, why do I have to lose it so much?

We have had cuddles in bed and she seems to have forgotten about it?

[truffleshuffle]

Everyone loses it with their DC at some point.
Appologise to your daughter - explain why you lost your temper, that it was wrong and that you're sorry.
Then try and forget about it.
Have you any support?

[BooBooGlass]

While you have my sympathy for having a hard time, hitting in the face and screaming at a 3 year old is not acceptable, and you must make sure it never happens again. I'm a single parent too, not through choice, and that's totally irrelevant

[abr1de]

You have a lot to cope with. It's not surprising that occasionally it all gets on top of you.

It sounds as though you both had a big shock this evening. Is her face hurt?

I once lost my temper with my daughter and yanked her by the arm. I felt awful afterwards, really bad.

And it never happened again.

I'm sure this won't happen to you again. Do you have anyone who can give you a bit of help? Grandparents?

[mummytowillow]

I didn't actually hit her with my hands, I don't smack her, I threw the milk at her and it went in her face, which is totally unacceptable I know, hence why I'm on here beating myself up

[jonicomelately]

I don't think the OP hit her daughter in the face. She threw some milk at her which hit her in the face.

I'm usually really calm with my two ds but ds2 has been driving me insane and I admit that I really lost it this morning and shouted and swore at him. It isn't pretty but we are all human

[winnybella]

I don't think there's any valid excuse for doing what you did.

Please take some time to think about how you can make yourself calm down in similar situations.

[mummytowillow]

I mentioned before I didn't hit her with my hands, I threw milk at her and it went in her face.

[winnybella]

Yes, I know and I still think throwing milk in her face wasn't ok.

But, saying that there's no excusedoesn't mean that a lot of us did something that wasn't an example of great parenting. So, I don't think you need to beat yourself up about it for years to come, just make sure it never happens again.

[GoldenHaze]

I wouldn't worry. It's understandable that you would throw the milk at her in rage. It doesn't seem that you wanted to actually hurt her.

Of course it's awful. And you know it is, which is why you wrote your post.

You were having a very bad time. It doesn't mean that you'll get to that stage again.

[winnybella]

didn't do something

[GoldenHaze]

DD's two years, 5 months. Twice recently I've had to put her in her room and closed the door, while I lie on my bed for a little while. It's been for her own safety because I worry that I'd hit her otherwise.

I know it's not ideal, but it's the only way I can cope. I'm not a physical, abusive person but it's just bloody difficult sometimes, isn't it?

BTW, when she's in her room I can hear her talking to her toys and she's fine

[colditz]

The child has been scared and has been wetted but she has NOT been hurt, the milk hit her in the face and nothing else.

OP, she probably has forgotten aboutit, and you will remember this forever and you'll never do anything else so mean.

Next time you are losing it try to see things from her perspective. She thinks she is as capable as an adult - and yet her whole life is run for her. this is why she seeks to do things for herself, she's seeking independance as we all do.

[jonicomelately]

Well said colditz.

[bettiboo]

Bless you mummy, I can only imagine things are are really stressful right now for you. It was really brave to post. No words are likely to take away the shame of how you frightened your little girl but she will forget it and you will feel better (eventually). The good thing is that you have recognised things are getting on top of you. Everyone gets stressed with their children. I have lost my temper on many occasions with my DS, but now feel guilty if I even so much as shout at him. It's about getting a balance. I think it's time to start to think about how you're managing your life and you. Children take so much of our energies, physical and emotional. You sound like you need to replenish some of your energy and there are ways to do that. I would start by getting some support. Maybe some time out with the help of friends? A big learning point though, you cannot take your difficulties out on your little girl, but you don't need me to tell you that. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Good thing is that mumsnet are here to support you.

[mummytowillow]

Thanks Colditz xx

[sincitylover]

i lost it with my ds1 this morning.

He was hassling ds2 whilst he was trying to get in the bath.

its so difficult.

[poshsinglemum]

it's so not child abuse. please don't beat yourself up. you are HUMAN and lots of my mum friends with dps have done worse believe me.
as a society we are too scared to tell our kids off and instead we have guilt etc. not your fault.

[poshsinglemum]

kids need to know what our limits are.

[BooBooGlass]

And we show them that by throwing milk in their face?

[poshsinglemum]

it was an accident that you threw milk on her. don't beat yourself up. kids are tough and ok it was an accident on her part too but it was one less mess you didn't need. believe me- i am a master tongue biter!

[poshsinglemum]

oh please- at least op shows regret at an accident which thousands wouldn't. she didn't belt her fgs.

[winnybella]

yes, posh, but OP said she had a lovely day with her dd and then all dd did was try to take her beaker- she's just 3 and as colditz said trying to assert her independence-sure, it must have been annoying for OP-but I don't think you can really say the little girl was pushing the limits? More like a one thoughtless action.

So if the kid had been horrible the whole day, one could perhaps understand OP finally losing it, but this makes me think that OP is under a lot of stress if she can snap like that. So while I don't think her dd will be traumatized for life, OP needs to learn to keep her anger in check, that's all.

[usualsuspect]

Op ,we all lose it sometimes, we are not all perfect parents