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I have just completely lost it with my daughter, I'm so ashamed?

(48 Posts)
mummytowillow Sat 06-Nov-10 21:08:02

I'm so tired, so bored, so skint, I've just started a new job, full time and I'm shattered? sad

My daughter (3) is a delight (most) of the time, we have had a lovely day, until tonight. She had asked if she could go to bed at 6.30, so I'm getting her milk ready, as I'm putting the lid back on the beaker she said she wanted to do it and grabbed it off me. It spilt everywhere and I'm ashamed to say I lost it. I screamed at her and threw the rest of the milk at her and it hit her in the face sad

How could I do that to my little girl, she had a look of pure terror on her face, I then continued to shout at her as I put her in the bath as she was covered in milk. She was just a sobbing mess and now I can't stop thinking about it, from the outside that's child abuse, terrible, terrible behaviour from me.

My only excuse is the above and I'm fed up with being a single mum that wasn't my choice! I'm on my period so very hormonal too, why do I have to lose it so much? blush

We have had cuddles in bed and she seems to have forgotten about it?

truffleshuffle Sat 06-Nov-10 21:11:25

Everyone loses it with their DC at some point.
Appologise to your daughter - explain why you lost your temper, that it was wrong and that you're sorry.
Then try and forget about it.
Have you any support?

BooBooGlass Sat 06-Nov-10 21:11:43

While you have my sympathy for having a hard time, hitting in the face and screaming at a 3 year old is not acceptable, and you must make sure it never happens again. I'm a single parent too, not through choice, and that's totally irrelevant

abr1de Sat 06-Nov-10 21:14:06

You have a lot to cope with. It's not surprising that occasionally it all gets on top of you.

It sounds as though you both had a big shock this evening. Is her face hurt?

I once lost my temper with my daughter and yanked her by the arm. I felt awful afterwards, really bad.

And it never happened again.

I'm sure this won't happen to you again. Do you have anyone who can give you a bit of help? Grandparents?

mummytowillow Sat 06-Nov-10 21:15:01

I didn't actually hit her with my hands, I don't smack her, I threw the milk at her and it went in her face, which is totally unacceptable I know, hence why I'm on here beating myself up sad

jonicomelately Sat 06-Nov-10 21:15:03

I don't think the OP hit her daughter in the face. She threw some milk at her which hit her in the face.

I'm usually really calm with my two ds but ds2 has been driving me insane and I admit that I really lost it this morning and shouted and swore at him. It isn't pretty but we are all human smile

winnybella Sat 06-Nov-10 21:15:16

I don't think there's any valid excuse for doing what you did.

Please take some time to think about how you can make yourself calm down in similar situations.

mummytowillow Sat 06-Nov-10 21:17:14

I mentioned before I didn't hit her with my hands, I threw milk at her and it went in her face.

winnybella Sat 06-Nov-10 21:19:29

Yes, I know and I still think throwing milk in her face wasn't ok.

But, saying that there's no excusedoesn't mean that a lot of us did something that wasn't an example of great parenting. So, I don't think you need to beat yourself up about it for years to come, just make sure it never happens again.

GoldenHaze Sat 06-Nov-10 21:19:39

I wouldn't worry. It's understandable that you would throw the milk at her in rage. It doesn't seem that you wanted to actually hurt her.

Of course it's awful. And you know it is, which is why you wrote your post.

You were having a very bad time. It doesn't mean that you'll get to that stage again.

mjinhiding Sat 06-Nov-10 21:19:46

Message withdrawn

winnybella Sat 06-Nov-10 21:19:58

didn't do something

GoldenHaze Sat 06-Nov-10 21:24:49

DD's two years, 5 months. Twice recently I've had to put her in her room and closed the door, while I lie on my bed for a little while. It's been for her own safety because I worry that I'd hit her otherwise.

I know it's not ideal, but it's the only way I can cope. I'm not a physical, abusive person but it's just bloody difficult sometimes, isn't it?

BTW, when she's in her room I can hear her talking to her toys and she's fine

colditz Sat 06-Nov-10 21:25:00

The child has been scared and has been wetted but she has NOT been hurt, the milk hit her in the face and nothing else.

OP, she probably has forgotten aboutit, and you will remember this forever and you'll never do anything else so mean.

Next time you are losing it try to see things from her perspective. She thinks she is as capable as an adult - and yet her whole life is run for her. this is why she seeks to do things for herself, she's seeking independance as we all do.

jonicomelately Sat 06-Nov-10 21:26:32

Well said colditz.

bettiboo Sat 06-Nov-10 21:26:52

Bless you mummy, I can only imagine things are are really stressful right now for you. It was really brave to post. No words are likely to take away the shame of how you frightened your little girl but she will forget it and you will feel better (eventually). The good thing is that you have recognised things are getting on top of you. Everyone gets stressed with their children. I have lost my temper on many occasions with my DS, but now feel guilty if I even so much as shout at him. It's about getting a balance. I think it's time to start to think about how you're managing your life and you. Children take so much of our energies, physical and emotional. You sound like you need to replenish some of your energy and there are ways to do that. I would start by getting some support. Maybe some time out with the help of friends? A big learning point though, you cannot take your difficulties out on your little girl, but you don't need me to tell you that. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Good thing is that mumsnet are here to support you.

mummytowillow Sat 06-Nov-10 21:31:20

Thanks Colditz xx

sincitylover Sat 06-Nov-10 21:32:39

i lost it with my ds1 this morning.

He was hassling ds2 whilst he was trying to get in the bath.

its so difficult.

poshsinglemum Sat 06-Nov-10 21:32:53

it's so not child abuse. please don't beat yourself up. you are HUMAN and lots of my mum friends with dps have done worse believe me.
as a society we are too scared to tell our kids off and instead we have guilt etc. not your fault.

poshsinglemum Sat 06-Nov-10 21:33:36

kids need to know what our limits are.

BooBooGlass Sat 06-Nov-10 21:35:30

And we show them that by throwing milk in their face? hmm

poshsinglemum Sat 06-Nov-10 21:36:22

it was an accident that you threw milk on her. don't beat yourself up. kids are tough and ok it was an accident on her part too but it was one less mess you didn't need. believe me- i am a master tongue biter!

mjinhiding Sat 06-Nov-10 21:36:44

Message withdrawn

poshsinglemum Sat 06-Nov-10 21:38:30

oh please- at least op shows regret at an accident which thousands wouldn't. she didn't belt her fgs.

winnybella Sat 06-Nov-10 21:38:51

yes, posh, but OP said she had a lovely day with her dd and then all dd did was try to take her beaker- she's just 3 and as colditz said trying to assert her independence-sure, it must have been annoying for OP-but I don't think you can really say the little girl was pushing the limits? More like a one thoughtless action.

So if the kid had been horrible the whole day, one could perhaps understand OP finally losing it, but this makes me think that OP is under a lot of stress if she can snap like that. So while I don't think her dd will be traumatized for life, OP needs to learn to keep her anger in check, that's all.

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