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Do other lone parents find it hard when their kids go back to school?

(7 Posts)
onlyjoking9329 Tue 07-Sep-10 11:38:58

My twin girls went off today for their first day in the 16+ unit, they were ok about it but I came home and sobbed, i'm proud of them but i so miss having their dad to share the pride with me.

exexpat Tue 07-Sep-10 11:43:17

Yes. DH died before DD started proper school, so he never saw her looking smart in her uniform, or starting her new school last week (she's 7 now and just changed schools), or DS when he started secondary last year. It would be so good to have someone else beaming with pride too...

onlyjoking9329 Tue 07-Sep-10 11:51:53

Yes, that's it, steve died over two years ago so he has missed a few milestones, I've put school photos in the memory box but it's not the same as sharing it with someone who would be bursting with pride is it.

exexpat Tue 07-Sep-10 12:02:36

It's been nearly four years for me, so this is the fourth new school year, and fourth new school since he died so I'm getting used to it. And we do have some proud grandparents, aunties and so on - just not actually at the school gates. What I'm not looking forward to next is having to explain about DH to a whole new load of DD's classmates' parents. Sometimes a question catches me by surprise and it's hard to deal with.

onlyjoking9329 Tue 07-Sep-10 12:29:25

Sadly we don't have the support of steves family, they behaved very badly throughout steves cancer and death.
It's hard with other kids at school isn't it, elliots not told anyone at school that his dad died thou some of them know anyway cos parents have told them.
Does it upset your children when people ask about their dad?

exexpat Tue 07-Sep-10 13:34:52

Sorry to hear about your in-laws attitude. It does seem surprisingly common, from what I've heard. Luckily mine have been fine, though they live a long way away so we only see them a few times a year (it was only once a year before DH died as we lived so far away).

I don't really know how the children feel about being asked about their dad, as most of the time it's when I'm not there - though I do remember in the fairly early days the mother of one of DS's friends did apologise to me for upsetting DS when he had gone round to lunch - she didn't know, and had asked about DH, and DS had ended up in tears.

We had to move countries after DH's death so they started new school and nursery, and I made a point of giving the teachers the relevant background, but I don't think they would necessarily broadcast that to the other children. In a way I felt it was better for the children (and me, for that matter) to start making friends just as themselves, rather than immediately being labelled as 'the ones whose dad died', as too much sympathy and pity can be hard to deal with.

I think they do sometimes talk about their dad to their friends - they certainly like talking about him to family and people who knew him - but I have the feeling that (like me) they don't like being caught by surprise and having to explain yet again. But once one friend/friend's mum knows, word seems to get passed around fairly quickly within that particular social group, which makes it a bit easier.

myfriendflicka Wed 08-Sep-10 13:18:41

My son talks about his dad to his close friends, my daughter does not as far as I know because she resists talking about him or responding whenever he is mentioned (she is 16, he is 12).

In the early days (it will be 3 years since DH died in October) both my kids hated the thought of people knowing, especially at school, and being treated as "different". Neither of them will tell new people or strangers what has happened, this I understand because I am a bit like that too.

Incidently, the secondary school was absolutely crap angry with this, have other people found this too?

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