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Please help!

(12 Posts)
Nominic Mon 29-Jun-20 19:55:54

I have been taking my son to various specialists and "experts" for 6 years as he appears to function differently to most children. He behaves badly, has little focus and does not get on well with other children as he acts strangely. He has been getting bullied at school so he is glad that it is closed.
When he turned 7, he was finally old enough to be properly assessed and after briefly seeing one arrogant, self important school doctor, I was told there is nothing wrong and it is all down to my parenting and his personality.
Now, teaching him in lockdown, it doesn't matter what positive or negative attention, rewards or punishments he may get, he finds it impossible to focus. He cries and says he can't concentrate and he cannot be left to do his work at all as he will spend the whole time staring out the window or swinging on his chair, singing etc.

I feel like I shouldn't have to babysit him to do all of his work as he must do it at school but I have watched him lose concentration within seconds of me reminding him to focus. I have to sit next to him and work through every question with him.
I spoke to his teacher about it and his response was that he needs reminding to focus often in class and that he could "get distracted in an empty room with all white walls".
However, when the school was asked for their input regarding my son's potential difficulties, they said he was fine and reported no issues!
Does anybody know if there is anything I can do or where I can go now I have even more concerns after witnessing him work in lockdown? Or any strategies I can use at home to help him focus? Or any ideas about any of it at all?
Sometimes I get annoyed and shout and then I feel guilty because I don't think he can help it but I am trying to juggle his school work with a newborn baby (born the week before lockdown) and I am utterly miserable with it all and so is he!
Any advice would be gratefully received.

OP’s posts: |
sleepismysuperpower1 Mon 29-Jun-20 19:58:17

could you have a look at the link below and see if he has any of the symptoms of ADHD?
www.healthline.com/health/adhd/signs#avoidance-of-tasks

Nominic Mon 29-Jun-20 21:02:28

Pretty much all of them. The Doctor relied on the school's advice and the school didn't back me up on this.
I wondered if maybe it's hassle for the school to provide extra support for additional needs and maybe that's why they are hesitant. I was under the impression they got extra funding for such things though.

OP’s posts: |
sleepismysuperpower1 Mon 29-Jun-20 21:08:52

ok. Have you been to see your regular GP? They can refer you for a specialist appointment if necessary, but it will help if you have an idea of the issue before you go to the appointment x

Dk20 Mon 29-Jun-20 21:12:16

Have you tried visual aids? Eg set him little targets initially for how long he has to focus for and put a timer in front of him so he can see the two mins etc?
Or visuals to show him rewards he will get for concentration?
My ds is almost the same age and I know how difficult it is when they just cant seem to focus.

Dk20 Mon 29-Jun-20 21:14:23

Should have added my ds does have SEN.

Nominic Mon 29-Jun-20 22:19:10

I have been to the GP and the referrals from there led me around to the school doctor. The school doctor told me not to bother going to see anyone else because it would go round in a circle and end up back with him. Which it did. He told me there is no magic wand for my problems and I should go on another parenting course.

OP’s posts: |
Nominic Mon 29-Jun-20 22:21:55

I will look into visual aids, it's something worth trying. However, I gave him my watch once with a timer on it to complete a few questions (with a reasonable amount of time) and he spent the whole time screaming and crying that the time was going to run out.

OP’s posts: |
sleepismysuperpower1 Tue 30-Jun-20 10:52:03

Would you be able to afford going privately for a screening? A google search will bring up doctors who will screen him privately near you

Dk20 Tue 30-Jun-20 13:34:13

Nominic

I will look into visual aids, it's something worth trying. However, I gave him my watch once with a timer on it to complete a few questions (with a reasonable amount of time) and he spent the whole time screaming and crying that the time was going to run out.

Just wondering on this, did he have a set amount of questions to answer in that time? Eg get 5 questions done in 5 minutes?
If so I'd take out the amount of questions he has to get done before the time runs out, and just say 'were going to sit down and do some questions. We just need to concetrate for 5 minutes then you can play/do xyz.'

I really sympathise, I know how frustrating it is when they cant seem to concentrate for even a tiny amount of time.

Elisheva Tue 30-Jun-20 13:41:14

There is a lot you can do to help him, but it’s quite difficult to explain it all on a forum! The first thing that might help if for you to change your view of what teaching and learning is, an how it ‘should’ be done. So no tables, no sitting, no worksheets etc. You might like to try physical, hands on activities e.g. spellings - put all the letters on the stairs then ask him to run and find the sounds that are in ‘boat’ and bring them to you. Do maths on the wall using chalk. You could try using a ‘now/next’ board to give some structure and immediate rewards.

cathcath2 Wed 08-Jul-20 22:28:31

If you can afford it, I would get him assessed privately. In the meantime, try to get him to focus for 1 minute on his own, 2 minutes on his own etc. See if a fidget toy will improve his concentration. See if different lighting/seating improves his concentration. See of different coloured paper improves his concentration.

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