Lonely and sometimes sad

(11 Posts)
user1479732438 Mon 21-Nov-16 18:39:41

Hi, i feel like I have no life other than caring for my children. I have family that live quite close but I have no friends in this area, my best friend lives in Kent and another close friend lives in Essex so I rarely see them. My eldest boy who's just turned 3 has been at nursery for a year and I really thought that when he joined I would meet new friends with the other kids mums but they are all so snobby they don't even say hello to me I feel so awkward when dropping and picking my son up from nursery. It's also the same at play groups I stopped going as I would just be on my own and when I tried to engage in conversation I felt like nobody really wanted me there. There's been times I've felt so low, I love my kids with all I've got but I have no other life than being at home with them and taking them out etc I just want to meet new friends. My partner and father of our two children works away overseas for long periods, we FaceTime as much as possible and my mum and brother comes over maybe once a week so that's really the only adult interaction I have I feel so lonely. When the kids go to bed I watch tv for a bit after the housework is done and then I go to bed ready to start all over again, what is wrong with me why do all the mums at the nursery disregard me but are all chatty to each other? I say hello to everybody it's not like I've ignored anybody x

user1479732438 Mon 21-Nov-16 18:46:58

I don't mean that to sound like I'm fed up with constantly looking after the kids, that's not what I mean. I want to meet other mums with kids that maybe would like to form a friendship. I don't want my kids growing up without any close friends or anything,

CarrieMayBe Mon 21-Nov-16 18:59:24

That sounds tough, I sympathise as I at times found I didn't exactly get a warm welcome when I joined playgroups etc.

Where abouts are you? You can pm me if you'd rather, my kids are older than yours but I remember the isolation well. I'll be your friend 😊

Eyesay Sat 26-Nov-16 16:26:08

Yes, where are you, OP? I'm just over the border in Suffolk, our local mother & toddler group here is really friendly & welcoming to newcomers. I remember where I used to live some of them were very cliquey. It might be a case of trying a few until you find one that fits. Best of luck & pm me if you're in south Norfolk.

user1479732438 Sat 26-Nov-16 17:19:57

Hello I'm in norwich, my eldest son is at nursery 3 half days a week it's just my youngest that would really benefit from play group. I feel like such a failure sometimes it's really tough looking after two young kids alone 😞

tralaaa Sat 26-Nov-16 22:14:47

Have a chat with your HV she should be able to "match ' you with another mum like you. Also tell nursery and the groups that you go too how you feel they should be able to ask other mums to take you under their wing

nicknamehelp Sun 27-Nov-16 00:00:00

I feel your pain. Im not a local Norfolk person and it took a lot of time to even break the ice with most. Lived in Norfolk nearly 19 years now and only just feeling like i belong!

Keep going and join in as much as possible.

Eyesay Sun 27-Nov-16 18:12:08

It is tough looking after 2 young kids, alone or otherwise! When my DCs were the age of yours, I relied heavily on playgroups. I really hope you manage to break the ice soon. Some Mums of young children in your area have family and people they've been friends with since childhood all nearby, but there will be others like you, keen to make new friends (plus some of the former who would also like to make friends, it's just they don't have such a need to). Hope that makes sense and best of luck!

Susanmartha Wed 21-Dec-16 09:39:52

Firstly this is not about you! I've lived in or close to Norwich for most of my fifty-five years and it can be a very tough place to crack socially. For example, we moved from the South side of Norwich to the North side twelve years ago and neighbours are just beginning to talk to us!

Nursery is a situation you can win in though, keep on being friendly and act confident even if you don't feel it. Don't know if term has finished yet, but if not you can try something like helping your 3 year old to give someone else a Christmas card...if not start again in the New Year, remember everyone likes a compliment, especially about their children, so a simple " What a great hat" or " Lovely sweater" is a good way to start. I know it's hard work making your way into a less than welcoming community, but you can do this, good luck!

rhymeswithporridge Wed 21-Dec-16 17:13:17

i only just came across this post so sorry for the late answer.

i felt very isolated when i had my first and found it hard to turn the brief chat i had with other mums into playdates, coffee and friendship. until I met one woman who is very naturally chatty and outgoing and she mentioned a kids music group to me and i saw her at that quite regularly and we started meeting up.

i'm now back at work full-time so really don't have time to socialise so haven't seen her (or anyone) for ages. my point is that you just need to find one person to break in. new mums are best as they're not part of established friendship groups and are often desperate to meet new mum friends. maybe you could be the lovely person who befriends the poor, bewildered new mum?! after all, you have parenting experience!

sorry you feel rubbish. i remember how lonely it can be but remember that it's very common and that there's nothing wrong with you. when is your 3yo's birthday? if it's soon, have a party. or you could just invite a couple of his nursery friends round for a playdate.

oh and i should also add that i had a fairly disastrous attempt at making new friends with my local NCT group who were polite enough but were a) a well-established friendship group and b) older and posher than me so i felt a bit like we had nothing in common.

i hope things are going better now

hullabaloo234 Sat 01-Apr-17 16:11:34

Hi user1479732438, how are you getting on now? I'm new to Norwich too and also get very lonely. Just wondering if you had any luck finding some nice groups or anything?

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