Premature birth

(33 Posts)
missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 16:34:22

Have just joined mumsnet, not sure what i am doing yet!
Am a first time mum, Evie is 18 weeks old.
She was 7 weeks premature, and in S.C.B.U for a month.
Looking for other mums to chat to about my/our birth experiences, scbu etc....events have finally caught up with me, and i am struggling emotionally/mentally with the traumatic events of premature birth etc....
Wondered if anyone else in the Inverness are is going through the same thing, and fancies chatting about it?
Willing to meet up in person.
Am feeling very lonely with regards to this.....

Julie

missjulie Tue 24-Aug-10 19:08:36

Here goes, my story, cut down version!!!!

Waters broke very unexpectedly Mon 12th April 10am, whilst at hospital at first time mums physio group! 'Pains' in lower back commenced.
Ammitted to ward 10, high dependancy
31 weeks and 6 days.
Internal, waters broken, cervix not dilating.
On ctg machine
Internal swabs taken
Given steroids x 2 jabs, 24 hours apart to develop baby lungs. Staff from SCBU came to chat to me to warn us of what to expect.
Admitted to ward, bloods taken, put on drip to slow down contractions.
Pains continued through the next 4 days, some extremely bad, was on and off the ctg machine like a yoyo. Various bloods taken, internal swabe, internal exams, BP checks, ultrasounds etc..........
Stopped drip to slow down contractions after 2nd steroid injection on the Tuesday & said they would just leave it now, and if i went into full blown labour they would not stop me.
Waters continued to 'flow' throughout the 4 days!!!!!!!
4am Thurs 15th - had had horrendous night, was telling staff things were def happening, having 'contractions' 7 mins apart (wrote all of this down at the time), was extremely scared throughout the whole of this - midwife told me to "stop writing things down, try to relax, forget about it all, and get some sleep" - i cried for the next hour, scared out of my wits...............i had to buzz 5.30am - dif mw came to sit with me, on ctg again, totally had kicked off, but no1 believed me....................by 7am, i was being whisked off to labour suite - and on the way whist being wheeled there on my bed they landed on me they had swab results back, and had Strep B!!!!!! - So they bunged AB's into me asap, phoned hubby, who arrived 7.30am - whilst i was really far on with contractions.
On gas and air (good stuff!!) - experiencing labour pains in thighs (1 thigh has never recovered)
ny about 12noon, i had diamorphine inj. and was fully dilated, and told should have a baby in an hour..........
1 hour later........no baby!!!!!
I was adimant i did not want a section - so so scared of this, had been having nightmares about it, am so squeemish with my own body, weird, as am a vet nurse, and can be up to my arm pits, and in my element in theatre!!!!!
Anyway.............to cut a VERY long story short........2pm, still no baby, finally put me on a drip to speed up contractions, this was sheer hell, they were just banging in one after another, i kept falling asleap between contractions........was so tired, 4 days of no sleep.
was so so worried.
3.45pm, still no baby!!!!! (almost 4 hours fully dilated)
various internals - could not understand why baby not coming, i was not progressing.
anaesthetist cam to chat
rushed to theatre...................
spinal
internal
no luck
could not deliver with forceps
had to have emergency section
incised me at 4.30pm - and it was hell - the drip to speed up contractions had totally impacted Evie in my pelvis, she was stuck............registrar said...."where's the other leg"? i remember thinking - what do you mean where the fuck is the other leg.
I also remember thinking, just give me a gun................i wanna die.............
they had to call on other members of staff..............5 of them were now scrubbed up and inside me..............there was LOTS of shougling! It was horrid! The registrar was physically 'banging' into my husband............
I remember thinking, with my vet nurse experiences, that a seciton should not be taking so long, what the hell was going on, where is my baby.............
Finally..................at 17.01 (!!!!!) they pulled Evie out...............no cry....................then a cry...................
She was rushed over the the soooo many members of staff in theatre especially for her arrival - my husband told me she was a girl, they held her up so i could see her - not touch her.................the consultant came round to see me and said whislt being sutured up "Liam and Julie, what a lovely little baby boy!" You could have heard a pin drop in theatre...........we all looked over at the neonatal staff who were frantically trying to undress her!!! - they held her up - "no, it's a girl"
God it was awful.
That was really just the beginning................
Then all of the scbu experience...........meningitis, brain haemorrhage, apnoea, hypoglycaemia, strep b, anti b's, caffeine, bloods, so many decisions - soothers, cup feeds, bottle feeds,,,,,,,,,,,, it went on and on and on...............meanwhile
i was having post op probs - severe leg probs, abd oedema severe - inflammed - resulted in antib's - could hardly walk - having to express, and try ot get to scbu to see our girl
Not being able to touch her - no skin to skin - had our first cuddle at day 2, not allowed to hold her close, and first skin to skin at 4 days..............
all midwives contradicting each other - some about expressing - apparantly taught me wrong thing..........hardly any milk - 1 midwife told me my mere 40 mls a session - a week later was no damn use and i should give up - my milk pretty much dried up at this point due to the stress..............
There were just soooo many bad things...............
Evie was named on day 3, which was hard, as we weren't getting to hold her.....................was horrid
All of the machines were so scary, despite my thorough knowledge of them in the vet world.
Our wee girl was all alone, it was so scary.
I was numb
To be honest i think i have been numb until a few weeks ago..................
Then, despite saying i could stay in hosp as Evie in scbu, and i was having post op complications, they kicked me home - is a longer story than that, but i will take up the whole of the internet if i wrote about it all.............i could hardly walk, and i was sent home with my cyclexine injections, which Liam, my hubby, had to inject me with daily!!!!!!
I was then re-admitted 2 days later as an emergency.........suspected dvt..................this was a Satureay - scan on Mon - came back negative, think it is sciatica, leg STILL not right, 18 weeks later!!!!!!!
Finally home again, then having to deal with abdomen oedema, severe leg oedema, and very sore right leg, as well as expressing all the time, and visiting scbu on a daily basis, it was HELL. Midwife in scbu really upset me as i wanted more than ANYTHING to breast feed, my nipples are tiny apparantly, and although her mouth was tiny, it just wasn't working.tried cup feeding, nipple shields, one midwife ended up FORCING me to bottle feed. It was horrendous. Made me cry so so much. Liam walked in as i was crying during bottle feeding and kicked off a huge row at scbu....it needed to be done, i had been rail roaded into it..................
We got Evie home a month after she was born, and she is just fin,, not sleeping really (except for last few nights), but other than that fine.
Once home, we at every feed were trying to breast feed, top up with formula, and express. Every single feed was running into each other.
It was hell.
I was so stressed.
My milk depleted from 60mls per pumping session, to around 10mls.
It was awfuul.
I tried so many things.
No joy.
The more i cried, and the more stressed i got, the less milk there was..............
In the end, my husband forced me to give up.......................i still have not dealt with this, but i do know that it was the right thing for me..............
I cry a lot whist feeding Evie, as i am extremely upset that i can't BF her. I cry at damn Aptamil adverts on the tv!
That, in a nutshell, is my story, a lot cut out, but the just is there!

Am so scarred by it all..............

Julie

ThatDamnDog Tue 24-Aug-10 20:31:23

Julie, just haven't got words for you - I can't begin to imagine what this has been like for you. I get that this has hit you at once probably because you've had no time to process any of it due to the constant barrage of problems you've faced. I don't know much about birth trauma, or anything about prem babies, but I can tell you that you would probably benefit from a chat with a breastfeeding counsellor. They can help you talk through that part of your experience at least. I can't link as posting from phone but if you google ABM, NCT, BFN or La Leche League these organisations all offer telephone (and probably email) support. Thinking of you.

happyland Tue 24-Aug-10 20:38:08

Just posted on your Premature birth thread - happy to help.

missjulie Tue 24-Aug-10 21:48:47

thank u thatdamndog & happyland

Wigeon Wed 25-Aug-10 07:56:31

What a difficult time for you - really hope you can find the support you need.

missjulie Wed 25-Aug-10 09:06:56

Me too, thank you Wigeon

Rach1972 Fri 15-Oct-10 19:50:44

Hi Julie

Sorry to hear you had such a difficult time I too had a horrendous birth with Twins and would be happy to talk to you about it over a coffee if you wish. I'm afraid I can't help on the SCBU element as my little guys were fine it was me that had the problems!

Up to you hun but here if you want to talk more
Rach

missjulie Fri 17-Dec-10 18:09:41

Hello Rach

Sorry, i have not been on MN in AGES!
Many thanks for your reply!
Where are you based?
Would love to share experiences.
Julie x

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