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Isolation after having a child

(11 Posts)
Danii32 Wed 20-Sep-17 20:33:36

Hi, Just joined here and thought i could share some worries and see if anyone can offer any advice and/or guidance. I'm pregnant with my first child, about 17weeks smile but I'm really worried about becoming isolated once baby arrives. The people i socialise with now aren't really 'coffee with me and the baby' kind of people so will no doubt drift away a bit. And my close friends live miles away. Any advice on how to meet new friends and still feel involved with life? Thanks smile

Newoneforthis Wed 20-Sep-17 21:06:53

There are more of us in the same boat than you might think. Welcome aboard Danni!
I was in a similar situation becoming a mum for the first time at 45 when most of my friends' kids were off to uni or beyond. I tried the usual baby groups but hated it as it felt a bit contrived and organised.

Things eventually got easier, thanks in part to the following:
- People you hadnt expected to want to do the coffee with baby thing actually loving it
- Random conversations in places like Supermarket car parks, kids' section of local library, local parks where you get talking to a local mum
- Going to places like Pop Up Play Cafes, petting farm with your DC and meeting other mums their by accident when your DC start playing
- Posting on MN (met an awesome mum via MN who lives just a few minutes away!)
- Voluntary work (literally an hour a week, but it helped)
-Being open about your situation. You'll be amazed at how many others say 'me too'.

flowers

Danii32 Wed 20-Sep-17 21:26:38

Thank you for your post! It's lovely to hear other people are/were in the same boat smile although it's a horrible feeling. My friendship groups have changed so much over the years due to moving, relationships ending etc so I'm used to finding new circles, but with a baby, it's seems very different x

BristolLFR Wed 20-Sep-17 21:45:16

Ask your midwife if your local healthcare trust does antenatal classes. Ours did a couple of afternoon sessions, like a super distilled nct course. We didn't actually have time to chat during the sessions , but we all scribbled down our numbers and someone set up a WhatsApp. There's about 12 of us and it's been so helpful having a bunch of mums who all have babies the same age

BristolLFR Wed 20-Sep-17 21:46:45

There's also an app called mush which I'd like tinder for mum friends, you can search for people local to you

boatrace30 Thu 21-Sep-17 06:44:10

I know it doesn't work out for everyone but we did NCT and I was the best money I've ever spent. Close friends with all of them and we regular meet up two and a half years later, when on mat leave I probably saw someone from the group 2/3 times a week

Danii32 Thu 21-Sep-17 17:18:18

Thank you for your replies, it sounds as though there are lots of options. I spoke to my midwife today too and she gave me details of a couple of groups that I could join smile x

blundell03 Tue 10-Oct-17 20:23:57

Hey hun. I just saw this post. Let Vingi to the area in next couple of weeks with two kiddliwinks and know very little people so I’d be happy tO get together for a virgin cocktail and find some friends together!

Jaynebxl Wed 11-Oct-17 07:32:17

Give baby groups a go. Some people don't get on with them but lots do. The local one to me was a life saver for me.

MOM30 Tue 14-Nov-17 15:23:45

I just became a new first time mum is Sept.
I'm all back on my feet now due to csection recovery so went to the first group - I exchanged a few sentences but it was a bit hectic today so maybe next week will get better and better as the weeks go by.

Just know your not alone and I bet all mums feel like this at one point or another x

Jaynebxl Tue 14-Nov-17 21:51:03

Do give it another go Mom, and try others too. Baby groups saved my sanity but not all are friendly.

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