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Premature birth

(33 Posts)
missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 16:34:22

Have just joined mumsnet, not sure what i am doing yet!
Am a first time mum, Evie is 18 weeks old.
She was 7 weeks premature, and in S.C.B.U for a month.
Looking for other mums to chat to about my/our birth experiences, scbu have finally caught up with me, and i am struggling emotionally/mentally with the traumatic events of premature birth etc....
Wondered if anyone else in the Inverness are is going through the same thing, and fancies chatting about it?
Willing to meet up in person.
Am feeling very lonely with regards to this.....


Wigeon Sat 21-Aug-10 18:56:28

Hi and welcome to Mumsnet! Sorry to hear you are having trouble coming to terms with your difficult birth. I'm afraid I am hundreds of miles from Inverness and don't have experience with a premature baby, but just wanted to suggest that you also post this message under the topic called "Premature birth" and in the "Postnatal club" for the month your little one was born. There might well be people looking at both those topics who could help.

Wigeon Sat 21-Aug-10 18:57:14

birth topic

Wigeon Sat 21-Aug-10 18:57:33

Sorry, that was meant to say "Premature birth topic"

Wigeon Sat 21-Aug-10 18:58:27

Postnatal clubs - one for each month.

missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 19:02:05

Wigeon - many thanks for your reply, I shall try that. x

ThatDamnDog Sat 21-Aug-10 19:15:16

I'm closer, but have no experience of premature birth I'm afraid. We do sometimes have little local meet-ups though, to which you would be very welcome, so keep an eye out on this board

Congratulations on your daughter's birth and I hope that things get easier for you and that you find the help you need

missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 19:17:42

Thank you Thatdamndog, i appreaciate that, shall keep an eye out on the board.

oricella Sat 21-Aug-10 19:46:48

hi Julie, just wanted to say hi and will send some positive thoughts over to the other side of the firth... I don't have experience of a premature birth, but I totally understand where you're coming from reliving the trauma and the time in SCBU... my DD survived meningitis at a very young age, and it took me months after the initial traumatic experience to even start facing up to what happened and trying to make sense of it emotionally. What really helped me was to find just a little time for myself and also someone neutral to talk to.. I ended up with a reiki/reflexologist- not my normal first stop - but just someone to listen, and not to mention the odd hour of pure relaxation

do get out - enjoy the sunshine (when it's here); go watch the dolphins and let the wind blow away your worries even temporarily.. And I'm sure you'll get lots more support and advice from the other boards .. good luck and congratulations on Evie's arrival

missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 19:49:39

Thank you Oricella
I have a lot of 'me time' as my husband works off-shore - perhaps not helping at the moment, have too much time on my hands.
Do have to make a huge effort to get out and about, between the naps etc

oricella Sat 21-Aug-10 20:08:24

Aw.. that's hard; does your DD sleep in a buggy or car seat? Maybe get a nice sling so she can sleep when you roam the countryside?

When you say you feel lonely with regards to dealing with Evie's birth - do you mean it's hard to talk about with the people you know? I know that can be tough and you'll probably also feel that you don't want to impose on others with your feelings... were there any other mums you got to know in SCBU who you could get in touch with somehow?

It's hard trying to find yourself again after such an experience, but know that with time and looking after yourself you will get back to normal and will be able to give it all a place. It's not easy, but I promise it will get better

missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 20:15:10

Oricella - where are you based?
What does DD mean?
Yes, she sleeps about 50& of the time in her car seat, used to in her buggy without fail - but is now quite alert at times when out on walks
I am quite a large lady, and can't find a sling to fit! We do have a harness, but i really struggle to get it on when on my own!! I also have back probs - and the harness makes this worse!!!!!
I guess i feel lonely with my hubby being off-shore, my 'friends' don't have babies, so find it hard to talk to them, and i do feel like i am a burden to the people i am meeting along the way....
It is harder to talk to the people you know somehow...
Yes, there is 1 mum from scbu days i keep in touch with, but she is reluctant to meet up......although she is having a hard time too, i am encouraging her to meet me....

Normal, crikey, i can't remember what that is. I hope it does get better!

ThatDamnDog Sat 21-Aug-10 20:21:33

I just wanted to add - I am on the chunky side (easy an 18/20) and found a wrap sling ideal for carrying/settling my very miserable baby while being really kind to my back. It does look completely daunting at first but with practice they are superb and made a huge difference to my ability to cope with DS.

I had one of these with plenty room to spare but a Moby would be as good I think - it's possibly slightly longer so might even be better. They resell well on eBay so if you don't get on with one you can always recoup some of your outlay. I'd lend you mine but I'm about to make use of it for the second time!

missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 20:25:34

wow, thanks for that, thatdamndog! i shall go have a look on ebay now!
A moby? ok, shall go and have a look!
Thank you!
When are you due?????? Where are you based?
J x

ThatDamnDog Sat 21-Aug-10 20:30:29

You're very welcome, I hope they're useful suggestions. I can't emphasise enough how much they helped me (DS was just a colicky, overtired, sleepless baby, for months, and the sling was the only place he'd really settle). But I guarantee the first time you try and put it on, you'll think it's some sort of instrument of torture - and again, when you first put Evie in it, she'll complain - but persist, and walk briskly, and she'll love it

Due in a month, and based an hour South

oricella Sat 21-Aug-10 20:34:56

A fair distance away from you

DD is mumsnet/online speak for Dear (or Darling) Daughter and is mostly used to refer to our DC (dear children)- if you're new, there's a list of acronyms somewhere - you'll be certain to run into loads more

I understand what you say about it being harder to talk to the people you know - but I also found that you will have to accept help wherever it is offered and that sometimes you can actually become blinkered to genuine offers of help and support that are out there - somehow you get so focused on yourself and convinced of certain truths that you miss opportunities to talk

Do explore some opportunities to find a listening ear on neutral ground - maybe next time your DH (more mumsnet speak) is home you can have some time to yourself?

Sorry I can't be more help right now... and yes, "normal" is a funny country and you'll find your way back there (just be prepared it has changed a bit while you were away wink)

missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 20:40:34

thatdamndog - just purchased one on ebay! Thank you! Look forward to the torchure!
Good luck!! xx

Oricella - thanks! Ok, shall look out for being blinkered.
Yes, i shall look.
J x

oricella Sat 21-Aug-10 20:47:54

Good advice on the Moby - they're worth every penny!

And glad to see you putting your sense of humour into action..

ThatDamnDog Sat 21-Aug-10 20:51:11

Also, stick with Mumsnet. There's always a friendly ear (or if you just feel like a fight you can go on the Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) board and argue about anything imaginable! grin) and it's a fab source of support and information. A real life line

missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 20:55:42

if it weren't for my sense of humour i would be even worse than i am!!!!

Thank you ladies. xxx

Wigeon Sat 21-Aug-10 21:28:47

List of acronyms. Looks like there are loads but there are a small number which get used a lot (eg DH, DD, DS, DC), some more specialised ones (EWCM, FWIW etc) and some obscure ones which are just a bit bizarre (eg AF).

By the way, just wanted to add that I loved my Moby sling too! And didnt' find it at all tortuous (and neither did my DD).

Glad you are getting a nice welcome to Mumsnet from everyone!

missjulie Sat 21-Aug-10 21:42:05

Thank you Wigeon!
Shall have a look at the acronyms! ;)

missjulie Mon 23-Aug-10 19:02:59

Oh god.
I am soooo very disappointed.
My health visitor just phoned me to say she received today a letter from the community mental health team. They say they can't help me as it is not mental illness.
I am sooo upset.
I can't believe this.
I have spent every waking minute since last Tuesday clinging onto the hope that an appointment is imminent.................

Wigeon Tue 24-Aug-10 08:05:18

Sorry to hear that, and that you are feeling understandably down about it - but you must remember that the community mental health team is only one small part of the help which is out there - just because they say they can't help you doesn't mean that you can get any help. Have you asked the health visitor if she's got any other ideas? I'm sure some of the Mumsnetters on the other threads you've posted on will have some ideas too. I've also read on here about people contacting the hospital they gave birth in in order to set up a kind of "de-brief" with a midwife about the birth, going through what happened, and talking about it, and I've read that that's helped some people.

Don't despair! I'm sure you can find some help to help you get through this.

missjulie Tue 24-Aug-10 08:37:11

HV going to appeal.
Yes, she said an appt with my consultant may be good, but thought counselling first.


missjulie Tue 24-Aug-10 19:08:36

Here goes, my story, cut down version!!!!

Waters broke very unexpectedly Mon 12th April 10am, whilst at hospital at first time mums physio group! 'Pains' in lower back commenced.
Ammitted to ward 10, high dependancy
31 weeks and 6 days.
Internal, waters broken, cervix not dilating.
On ctg machine
Internal swabs taken
Given steroids x 2 jabs, 24 hours apart to develop baby lungs. Staff from SCBU came to chat to me to warn us of what to expect.
Admitted to ward, bloods taken, put on drip to slow down contractions.
Pains continued through the next 4 days, some extremely bad, was on and off the ctg machine like a yoyo. Various bloods taken, internal swabe, internal exams, BP checks, ultrasounds etc..........
Stopped drip to slow down contractions after 2nd steroid injection on the Tuesday & said they would just leave it now, and if i went into full blown labour they would not stop me.
Waters continued to 'flow' throughout the 4 days!!!!!!!
4am Thurs 15th - had had horrendous night, was telling staff things were def happening, having 'contractions' 7 mins apart (wrote all of this down at the time), was extremely scared throughout the whole of this - midwife told me to "stop writing things down, try to relax, forget about it all, and get some sleep" - i cried for the next hour, scared out of my wits...............i had to buzz 5.30am - dif mw came to sit with me, on ctg again, totally had kicked off, but no1 believed 7am, i was being whisked off to labour suite - and on the way whist being wheeled there on my bed they landed on me they had swab results back, and had Strep B!!!!!! - So they bunged AB's into me asap, phoned hubby, who arrived 7.30am - whilst i was really far on with contractions.
On gas and air (good stuff!!) - experiencing labour pains in thighs (1 thigh has never recovered)
ny about 12noon, i had diamorphine inj. and was fully dilated, and told should have a baby in an hour..........
1 hour baby!!!!!
I was adimant i did not want a section - so so scared of this, had been having nightmares about it, am so squeemish with my own body, weird, as am a vet nurse, and can be up to my arm pits, and in my element in theatre!!!!! cut a VERY long story short........2pm, still no baby, finally put me on a drip to speed up contractions, this was sheer hell, they were just banging in one after another, i kept falling asleap between contractions........was so tired, 4 days of no sleep.
was so so worried.
3.45pm, still no baby!!!!! (almost 4 hours fully dilated)
various internals - could not understand why baby not coming, i was not progressing.
anaesthetist cam to chat
rushed to theatre...................
no luck
could not deliver with forceps
had to have emergency section
incised me at 4.30pm - and it was hell - the drip to speed up contractions had totally impacted Evie in my pelvis, she was stuck............registrar said...."where's the other leg"? i remember thinking - what do you mean where the fuck is the other leg.
I also remember thinking, just give me a gun................i wanna die.............
they had to call on other members of staff..............5 of them were now scrubbed up and inside me..............there was LOTS of shougling! It was horrid! The registrar was physically 'banging' into my husband............
I remember thinking, with my vet nurse experiences, that a seciton should not be taking so long, what the hell was going on, where is my baby............. 17.01 (!!!!!) they pulled Evie cry....................then a cry...................
She was rushed over the the soooo many members of staff in theatre especially for her arrival - my husband told me she was a girl, they held her up so i could see her - not touch her.................the consultant came round to see me and said whislt being sutured up "Liam and Julie, what a lovely little baby boy!" You could have heard a pin drop in theatre...........we all looked over at the neonatal staff who were frantically trying to undress her!!! - they held her up - "no, it's a girl"
God it was awful.
That was really just the beginning................
Then all of the scbu experience...........meningitis, brain haemorrhage, apnoea, hypoglycaemia, strep b, anti b's, caffeine, bloods, so many decisions - soothers, cup feeds, bottle feeds,,,,,,,,,,,, it went on and on and on...............meanwhile
i was having post op probs - severe leg probs, abd oedema severe - inflammed - resulted in antib's - could hardly walk - having to express, and try ot get to scbu to see our girl
Not being able to touch her - no skin to skin - had our first cuddle at day 2, not allowed to hold her close, and first skin to skin at 4 days..............
all midwives contradicting each other - some about expressing - apparantly taught me wrong thing..........hardly any milk - 1 midwife told me my mere 40 mls a session - a week later was no damn use and i should give up - my milk pretty much dried up at this point due to the stress..............
There were just soooo many bad things...............
Evie was named on day 3, which was hard, as we weren't getting to hold her.....................was horrid
All of the machines were so scary, despite my thorough knowledge of them in the vet world.
Our wee girl was all alone, it was so scary.
I was numb
To be honest i think i have been numb until a few weeks ago..................
Then, despite saying i could stay in hosp as Evie in scbu, and i was having post op complications, they kicked me home - is a longer story than that, but i will take up the whole of the internet if i wrote about it all.............i could hardly walk, and i was sent home with my cyclexine injections, which Liam, my hubby, had to inject me with daily!!!!!!
I was then re-admitted 2 days later as an emergency.........suspected dvt..................this was a Satureay - scan on Mon - came back negative, think it is sciatica, leg STILL not right, 18 weeks later!!!!!!!
Finally home again, then having to deal with abdomen oedema, severe leg oedema, and very sore right leg, as well as expressing all the time, and visiting scbu on a daily basis, it was HELL. Midwife in scbu really upset me as i wanted more than ANYTHING to breast feed, my nipples are tiny apparantly, and although her mouth was tiny, it just wasn't working.tried cup feeding, nipple shields, one midwife ended up FORCING me to bottle feed. It was horrendous. Made me cry so so much. Liam walked in as i was crying during bottle feeding and kicked off a huge row at needed to be done, i had been rail roaded into it..................
We got Evie home a month after she was born, and she is just fin,, not sleeping really (except for last few nights), but other than that fine.
Once home, we at every feed were trying to breast feed, top up with formula, and express. Every single feed was running into each other.
It was hell.
I was so stressed.
My milk depleted from 60mls per pumping session, to around 10mls.
It was awfuul.
I tried so many things.
No joy.
The more i cried, and the more stressed i got, the less milk there was..............
In the end, my husband forced me to give up.......................i still have not dealt with this, but i do know that it was the right thing for me..............
I cry a lot whist feeding Evie, as i am extremely upset that i can't BF her. I cry at damn Aptamil adverts on the tv!
That, in a nutshell, is my story, a lot cut out, but the just is there!

Am so scarred by it all..............


ThatDamnDog Tue 24-Aug-10 20:31:23

Julie, just haven't got words for you - I can't begin to imagine what this has been like for you. I get that this has hit you at once probably because you've had no time to process any of it due to the constant barrage of problems you've faced. I don't know much about birth trauma, or anything about prem babies, but I can tell you that you would probably benefit from a chat with a breastfeeding counsellor. They can help you talk through that part of your experience at least. I can't link as posting from phone but if you google ABM, NCT, BFN or La Leche League these organisations all offer telephone (and probably email) support. Thinking of you.

happyland Tue 24-Aug-10 20:38:08

Just posted on your Premature birth thread - happy to help.

missjulie Tue 24-Aug-10 21:48:47

thank u thatdamndog & happyland

Wigeon Wed 25-Aug-10 07:56:31

What a difficult time for you - really hope you can find the support you need.

missjulie Wed 25-Aug-10 09:06:56

Me too, thank you Wigeon

Rach1972 Fri 15-Oct-10 19:50:44

Hi Julie

Sorry to hear you had such a difficult time I too had a horrendous birth with Twins and would be happy to talk to you about it over a coffee if you wish. I'm afraid I can't help on the SCBU element as my little guys were fine it was me that had the problems!

Up to you hun but here if you want to talk more

missjulie Fri 17-Dec-10 18:09:41

Hello Rach

Sorry, i have not been on MN in AGES!
Many thanks for your reply!
Where are you based?
Would love to share experiences.
Julie x

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