Talk

Hi and welcome to Mumsnet! Sorry to hear you are having trouble coming to terms with your difficult birth. I'm afraid I am hundreds of miles from Inverness and don't have experience with a premature baby, but just wanted to suggest that you also post this message under the topic called "Premature birth" and in the "Postnatal club" for the month your little one was born. There might well be people looking at both those topics who could help.

birth topic

Sorry, that was meant to say "Premature birth topic"

Postnatal clubs - one for each month.

Wigeon - many thanks for your reply, I shall try that. x

I'm closer, but have no experience of premature birth I'm afraid. We do sometimes have little local meet-ups though, to which you would be very welcome, so keep an eye out on this board

Congratulations on your daughter's birth and I hope that things get easier for you and that you find the help you need

Thank you Thatdamndog, i appreaciate that, shall keep an eye out on the board.

hi Julie, just wanted to say hi and will send some positive thoughts over to the other side of the firth... I don't have experience of a premature birth, but I totally understand where you're coming from reliving the trauma and the time in SCBU... my DD survived meningitis at a very young age, and it took me months after the initial traumatic experience to even start facing up to what happened and trying to make sense of it emotionally. What really helped me was to find just a little time for myself and also someone neutral to talk to.. I ended up with a reiki/reflexologist- not my normal first stop - but just someone to listen, and not to mention the odd hour of pure relaxation

do get out - enjoy the sunshine (when it's here); go watch the dolphins and let the wind blow away your worries even temporarily.. And I'm sure you'll get lots more support and advice from the other boards .. good luck and congratulations on Evie's arrival

Thank you Oricella
I have a lot of 'me time' as my husband works off-shore - perhaps not helping at the moment, have too much time on my hands.
Do have to make a huge effort to get out and about, between the naps etc

Aw.. that's hard; does your DD sleep in a buggy or car seat? Maybe get a nice sling so she can sleep when you roam the countryside?

When you say you feel lonely with regards to dealing with Evie's birth - do you mean it's hard to talk about with the people you know? I know that can be tough and you'll probably also feel that you don't want to impose on others with your feelings... were there any other mums you got to know in SCBU who you could get in touch with somehow?

It's hard trying to find yourself again after such an experience, but know that with time and looking after yourself you will get back to normal and will be able to give it all a place. It's not easy, but I promise it will get better

Oricella - where are you based?
What does DD mean?
Yes, she sleeps about 50& of the time in her car seat, used to in her buggy without fail - but is now quite alert at times when out on walks
I am quite a large lady, and can't find a sling to fit! We do have a harness, but i really struggle to get it on when on my own!! I also have back probs - and the harness makes this worse!!!!!
I guess i feel lonely with my hubby being off-shore, my 'friends' don't have babies, so find it hard to talk to them, and i do feel like i am a burden to the people i am meeting along the way....
It is harder to talk to the people you know somehow...
Yes, there is 1 mum from scbu days i keep in touch with, but she is reluctant to meet up......although she is having a hard time too, i am encouraging her to meet me....

Normal, crikey, i can't remember what that is. I hope it does get better!

I just wanted to add - I am on the chunky side (easy an 18/20) and found a wrap sling ideal for carrying/settling my very miserable baby while being really kind to my back. It does look completely daunting at first but with practice they are superb and made a huge difference to my ability to cope with DS.

I had one of these with plenty room to spare but a Moby would be as good I think - it's possibly slightly longer so might even be better. They resell well on eBay so if you don't get on with one you can always recoup some of your outlay. I'd lend you mine but I'm about to make use of it for the second time!

wow, thanks for that, thatdamndog! i shall go have a look on ebay now!
A moby? ok, shall go and have a look!
Thank you!
When are you due?????? Where are you based?
J x

You're very welcome, I hope they're useful suggestions. I can't emphasise enough how much they helped me (DS was just a colicky, overtired, sleepless baby, for months, and the sling was the only place he'd really settle). But I guarantee the first time you try and put it on, you'll think it's some sort of instrument of torture - and again, when you first put Evie in it, she'll complain - but persist, and walk briskly, and she'll love it

Due in a month, and based an hour South

A fair distance away from you

DD is mumsnet/online speak for Dear (or Darling) Daughter and is mostly used to refer to our DC (dear children)- if you're new, there's a list of acronyms somewhere - you'll be certain to run into loads more

I understand what you say about it being harder to talk to the people you know - but I also found that you will have to accept help wherever it is offered and that sometimes you can actually become blinkered to genuine offers of help and support that are out there - somehow you get so focused on yourself and convinced of certain truths that you miss opportunities to talk

Do explore some opportunities to find a listening ear on neutral ground - maybe next time your DH (more mumsnet speak) is home you can have some time to yourself?

Sorry I can't be more help right now... and yes, "normal" is a funny country and you'll find your way back there (just be prepared it has changed a bit while you were away )

thatdamndog - just purchased one on ebay! Thank you! Look forward to the torchure!
Good luck!! xx

Oricella - thanks! Ok, shall look out for being blinkered.
Yes, i shall look.
lol!
J x

Good advice on the Moby - they're worth every penny!

And glad to see you putting your sense of humour into action..

Also, stick with Mumsnet. There's always a friendly ear (or if you just feel like a fight you can go on the Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) board and argue about anything imaginable! ) and it's a fab source of support and information. A real life line

if it weren't for my sense of humour i would be even worse than i am!!!!

Thank you ladies. xxx

List of acronyms. Looks like there are loads but there are a small number which get used a lot (eg DH, DD, DS, DC), some more specialised ones (EWCM, FWIW etc) and some obscure ones which are just a bit bizarre (eg AF).

By the way, just wanted to add that I loved my Moby sling too! And didnt' find it at all tortuous (and neither did my DD).

Glad you are getting a nice welcome to Mumsnet from everyone!

Thank you Wigeon!
Shall have a look at the acronyms! ;)

Oh god.
I am soooo very disappointed.
My health visitor just phoned me to say she received today a letter from the community mental health team. They say they can't help me as it is not mental illness.
I am sooo upset.
I can't believe this.
I have spent every waking minute since last Tuesday clinging onto the hope that an appointment is imminent.................

Sorry to hear that, and that you are feeling understandably down about it - but you must remember that the community mental health team is only one small part of the help which is out there - just because they say they can't help you doesn't mean that you can get any help. Have you asked the health visitor if she's got any other ideas? I'm sure some of the Mumsnetters on the other threads you've posted on will have some ideas too. I've also read on here about people contacting the hospital they gave birth in in order to set up a kind of "de-brief" with a midwife about the birth, going through what happened, and talking about it, and I've read that that's helped some people.

Don't despair! I'm sure you can find some help to help you get through this.

HV going to appeal.
Yes, she said an appt with my consultant may be good, but thought counselling first.

Thanks.