Dont have any friends here in spain-Need advice

[veryconfused1]

Hi I live abroad with husband and DC 3 in Spain. We live in one large town where many people from Husband country live (husband not brit). However I can count the brits on one hand that live here. I have been here for one year permanently whereas OH has lived here for 3-4 and has a good job, cafes specifically for people from his country etc.

I found a part time job, and made one or two british friends from there. One of them is a mum with a small DC also but she is always busy with her family and our timetables never seem to fit. She is also shy and hasn't really opened up. I have another friend who is also from my OH country and neither her spanish or english is very good so she just babbles on the whole time about herself and I dont always understand her. But sometimes im so desperate for company i just meet her anyway.

The spanish mums at my daughters school are all in little groups and dont really speak to any of the foreigners. all the other foreigners are in their grouos

I feel so crap as it is as I know Ive got a long lonely summer ahead. Then today my OH decided to point out to me 'Gosh you've been here for a year and you dont have any friends'. I told him thats really insensitive and he said come on its just fact.

Honestly sometimes I just feel like packing up me and DD and going home. What should I do? feel so lonely.
Also am I just being over sensitive or should I grow a backbone regarding what my OH said?

By the way I do all the usual -ie. park and fairs etc. No playgroups here

[ZZZenAgain]

could you invite some friends/family over to visit?

You don't say in your OP, do you speak Spanish?

I think I would not focus so much on having mums as friends. It could be anyone nice, man or woman, old young, mother or not if you get on together, invite them round.

[RudeEnglishLady]

Hi - firstly, yes it can be tough being away and its nothing you're doing wrong.

My partner got me introduced to wives of colleagues. Obviously some of them I have zero in common with but one is nice! I then made another bunch of mates from a girl I met at the doctors. We just did a "hey, you speak English gasp" kind of thing and swapped numbers.

Are there any American women? - Americans really seem to be the driving force behind meet-up groups and playgroups in my area (admittedly not Spain). I think you can also move away from the idea that groups are nationality exclusive - I know it sometimes looks that way though.

I think you have to be a bit tenacious and just get nattering and swap emails/mobiles. I feel like such a nerd doing it but its worth it!

Good luck - and BTW husbands do say stupid things and just don't get it half the time..

[takingtheplunge]

Don't know where you are in Spain but have you tried the MAerican women's clubs. They exist all over spain and organise, groups, book clubs, bbqs and all sorts.

www.awcmadrid.com

[Fenouille]

Hi, REL and TTP have some great advice. It took me about 18 months before I felt I was starting to make friends when I first arrived here. The first ones I made were at an American organised Thanksgiving party! (We're not American and neither were they!)

Could you ask your DH to invite some colleagues (+ other halves) around for bbq or drinks now the weather's cheering up? That also helped for us in the beginning after I threw a fit and threatened to leave.

Did your DH not make any friends who could become mutual friends in the 3 years he's been there? Or is there a language barrier?

Good luck and hang in there. It will get better.

[MrIC]

where are you in Spain?

My wife and I are in Madrid and made at lot of friends at our Spanish classes - perhaps going to some yourself might help you meet people, and not just your fellow students; we've found our teachers are often keen to improve their English and so invite us out for intercambios.

do you have any hobbies/interests that could lead to you joining a local club or something? Our experience is that Spaniards are very welcoming when they meet expats who are willing to get involved.

good luck!

[patito]

Hi veryconfused1

Ive been here four years and it took me at least 2 to settle in, and still cant say I have any "real" friends here. Through DS1 I socialise with other mums in the playground etc but it´´s very hard to get to know people as most people are local and have all family/friends around them. There are few English speakers where I live, and we meet up maybe every couple of months. Having said that am now settled and dont have desperate urges to "go back" as in first couple of years!

Where do you live?
There is a thread for people living in Spain here.

Some people who live in Valencia are trying to arrange a meet up, I dont know if thats near you???? I live way up north so wont be joining that one.

Take care