How best to Keep in touch with friends/family 'back home' - vent, rant, whine

[Earlybird]

I know I am the one one who moved away, and that their lives are continuing as normal.

I am aware that the onus is largely on me to keep in touch.

Some friends are responsive and the friendships continue beautifully long distance.

Other friends completely 'drop off the radar' when you are no longer in their day-to-day lives.

I feel hurt about the ones who who simply are not available/unresponsive - especially when I consider them to be some of my closest friends!!

Obviously this rant has been prompted by something specific: After leaving several voice mail messages for a friend, with no response, I emailed to arrange a time to speak. I called this morning (as arranged), and got her voicemail.

I know she is extremely busy, and must 'make time' for our friendship now that I am not around most every day. But, I feel hurt and a bit put out. It makes me feel our friendship matters far more to me than her.

If I lose my energy/motivation for keeping in touch, the friendship will fade. I don't want that, but don't see much future for the friendship if she doesn't respond.

Anyone else here been through this? How do you handle it?

Would you say anything, and if so, what?

[LaRagazzaInglese]

Hi, I see where you're coming from, I had similar experience recently. I went back home and was there for over 2 weeks, thinking i would have plenty of time to see everyone, near and far, some more than once.

I kind of put out the message on facebook that i would be around for a catch up/meet up. No-one really seemed to give a toss.

I tried to meet up with a friend who lives a couple of doors down the next street! she as dead busy, penciled in for an evening, then she was busy with another friend that evening.

I think catching up is over rated, as much as i love them we kind of only speak if there's something to say! no news is good news. My catchphrase seems to be 'everything's fine thanks' and it ends there. Thing is, we always seem as though we saw eachother yesterday, i think finding the right tool might help. Facebook, skype, email, text, messenger, etc you have the same conversation, it just takes a couple of days cos its fitting in around your lives.

IYSWIM?

[differentnameforthis]

I don't think the onus is on us to keep in touch, tbh!

I moved away, but my friends & family promised to keep in touch. A lot of them are failing, as I knew they would! I try & keep trying but how long do you go for, before you feel fed up of no response? That includes family. The latest fail was not sending xmas cards and not sending birthday cards for my girls (dds first b'day in 2009)!

I don't think that it should all be down to us. My sister is now talking of wanting to come & visit (am in Oz) and she is upping the communication, but it is too late.

She has called once since we moved here (almost 4yrs) and isn't going to use me for free accommodation.

Another friend has been wonderful, constant emails, MSN convos, texts etc. We don't talk on the phone much as she is hearing impaired & it is hard for local calls, never mind international!

But it is down to both sides! MIL has lived here for 40yrs & she still has great communication with her friends & family, because they all keep it going!

[newkiwi]

I think you have to accept that some people will drop off the radar. I have some pals I speak to once every year or less, but when I see them it is easy and relaxed. Others I know I just won't hear from again as we have all moved on and they compartmentalise their lives. Some friendships have a time and a place, and will run their course. Others will be life long where ever you are.

I'm in good contact with most of the people who matter. I think I put more effort in though. And my family rarely call me- I have to call them.

[ArcticFox]

The time difference makes things tricky for me. When we were in Dubai I was only 3/4 hours ahead whereas now I'm 7/8.

I like Facebook and yahoo messenger. I also email family en masse every couple of weeks with our news. I think Facebook is great for keeping on the radar and staying on top of friend's news but not great for proper communication- a semi public forum is never going to be.

From experience I would say that when you are planning a trip back, don't do vague mass messages like "would love to catch up". Email/ message people personally and nail them down to a date and time. I think it's also easy to imagine that friends at home catch up with each other more than they do. One friend said to me "It's great when you guys come back because then I see everyone."

I definitely talk to friends less now I am here but I know that a lot of that is due to changes in lifestyle (people having kids and less time) and if we moved back we could pick up again.