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Thinking about going back to UK

(24 Posts)
Greenpen Mon 01-Sep-08 01:21:57

What do you think? How many of you overseas want to go back to the UK?

Just looking for thoughts really smile

Califrau Mon 01-Sep-08 01:23:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greenpen Mon 01-Sep-08 01:32:09

Were lucky cause i know my DH would get work, and we would be going on my job so that would be sorted before we made any decision to leave.

We have been to NZ but we really didnt like it much.

With children who need their education our choices are limited.

I know the tax rate in Canada is massive so we wouldnt take that as an option.

I have looked at the USA but the whole visa, green card thing puts me off.

Where else?!

Califrau Mon 01-Sep-08 01:41:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claudiaschiffer Mon 01-Sep-08 01:44:00

Hullo Greenpen. I would go back to the UK like a shot, but dh (who is Australian) wouldn't. I would only go back for selfish reasons - am missing home and my dear chums and sweet ma and pa. I do realise that materially we are better off here, and dh is happier (he was miserable in the UK). But i'd still go home if it was just me and the kids. sad.

Tis lovely here (Australia), just not home iyswim.

claudiaschiffer Mon 01-Sep-08 01:44:57

Where do you live Greenpen? And why do you want to go back? How long have you lived away? SO many questions grin

nooka Mon 01-Sep-08 01:49:01

We are being thrown out (not literally) of the States and are trying to move up to Canada rather than go back to the UK. Not because we have anything against England though.

bebespain Mon 01-Sep-08 08:29:33

I´ve often posted on here about how much I want to go back to the UK. We´re in Spain and its not homeand never will be sad

Like you claudiaschiffer I want to go back for selfish reasons and although DH hasn´t totally ruled out a move back, this is his country and he did live for 8 years in the UK

PussiesGalore Mon 01-Sep-08 09:29:11

Came back to the UK after 12 years overseas for the children's education. Thought I would love to be back but England is not the same place that I left. Like being closer to old friends again and the children love it here so not awful or anything but do miss overseas friends and better standard of living. Basically, pros and cons.

mankymummy Mon 01-Sep-08 09:36:31

I lived in France for a few years and am now back in the UK. Best thing I ever did was coming home.

MrsTittleMouse Mon 01-Sep-08 09:38:19

We did. You'll find that you go through the same process that you did when you left, but in reverse. I can remember for the first few months of living abroad that everything was better in the UK, and why did everything have to be so awkward and difficult? Then when we came back, we wondered why everything was so difficult and awkward in the UK.

It's lovely to be close to family though, and we have decided to settle down properly, which is something that DH has wanted for quite a while. And there are lots of lovely things about the UK - honest!

claudiaschiffer Mon 01-Sep-08 10:01:18

Oh bebespain I so feel your pain. My DH was in the UK for 9 years so I have a bit of a way to go (6.5 yrs!) until I can match that. But he is a boy and boys never miss their families like us gurls surely?

Mankymummy I am envy.

QuintessentialShadow Mon 01-Sep-08 10:06:40

Although I am home now, I lived in the uk for 15 years, and have only been home since April. Funny how your perception of home changes. The uk is where I got married, were pregnant, had my kids, where they first started nursery, and then school....
I still get emails from the Residents Association, I got one today about traffic regulations in our neighbourhood, and it brought me back as if somebody just snapped their fingers, and I was imagining walking down that street, the green, the big trees, the lovely houses, the gentle breeze and I try hard not to miss it.

Greenpen Mon 01-Sep-08 11:01:14

Its a bit of an odd situation for me. Home is where i am now, have big family base, history etc. BUT we did spend a number of years living in the UK.

I wont say where i am, for fear of being recognised but i will say that its a small community and when things are going well its the best place in the world, but when things are bad its harsh.

I want and need more work experience, and living and working in the UK for a while would allow me to gain respect in my community if i ever came back.

My DH and i have always had the urge to move, we have looked at many options and the UK always seems to come up as the best.

I have a sister living in NZ and we always though we wanted to go there, but having visited her and established that its not the land of milk and honey as everyone said we felt it wasnt the best place for us.

Neither me nor my DH are bound by strong family ties and we would be "loners" where ever we went. Where we are now will always be home, but something is calling us to move away at the moment. I cant work out if that calling is a good thing, in terms of life experiences or a knee jerk reaction to difficult circumstances at the moment.

teslagirl Tue 02-Sep-08 10:45:04

I spent 15 years in Oz (I'm British), marrying an Aussie after 8 years there! However, we've now been in the UK for 5 years as a family and to be perfectly honest, I have no real desire to return to Oz (Sunshine Coast, QLD to be precise!). I had a good time in Oz, first as a backpacker, then settled in Brisbane but I was of the age where it was all party party party, which was a lot of fun at the time, but then we settled on The Coast which was fine but to be perfectly frank, I got a bit tired of the mono-culture that is middle class suburbia in Oz. I got tired of frantically shielding baby skin from the vicious sun from 10-4 every day, I got tired of the relentless heat of the summer and- truthfully!-the endless mild, calm, clear featureless days of the winter (and the cold of the mornings in an unheated house!). I'm a keen gardener but did tire a little of the danger of the garden- the snakes and bitey spiders, for instance (but I liked how quickly my bonsai grew, I have to say!). I got tired of the endless competitiveness of so many Australians and- for fear of offence to any Aussies reading this- the almost American style parochialism of their patriotism (come on, you take the mick out of Oz to any Aussie you know in the UK and see if they laugh along or take immediate umbrage!- see?!).

It was actually my anglophile husband who precipitated our 'temporary' move to the UK. He'd changed careers into IT and wanted to try his hand in the UK so over we came. It hasn't always been easy by any means. I too found the UK a different place to the one I left. I was disappointed to note how the gaining of material possessions has taken centre stage, the blatancy with which people are now measured according to their income, the smugness of the 'haves', the stupidity of living on endless credit, and of course, the HOUSE PRICES that have had us renting for 5 years. I feel a bit claustrophobic about the sheer numbers of people here. I also can't believe the way in which to motorist is stung at every opportunity (just returned from a hol in Brittany- empty motorways, free parking EVERYWHERE, empty August beaches...) The weather hasn't been kind this last 3 years- can't win, can I?!- and I am sorely disappointed by the standard of government and the incredible self interest shown by our politicians- almost of tin pot African dictatorship levels in some instances (think The John Lewis List!). I worry about the education of my DSs, currently 7 and 9 but luckily in a very good junior school but I recognise the need for severe 'pro-action' to get them into a good secondary. In Oz they'd've gone private (along with 36% of the population) BUT the choice was which religious persuasion was of least offence to us in the selection of school! However, here in the UK we have a far wider friendship base on which to draw, we have endless country walks to partake of, we have Real Ale and proper pubs, we have a wider diversity of political opinion, we have a robust media, we have to Continent a hop away. DH is actually in no hurry at all to go back to Oz though we never rule anything out.

Things have reached a head with us just recently in that I have my b-i-l staying from rural Queensland and he's driving us mad! There's a far greater town/country divide in Oz and sadly he falls in the parochial camp of the latter. He can't for the life of him understand why we want to live here (he spends every trip here sitting on our sofa watching fishing shows on TV, that being his main experience of the UK...) He is my DH's only close relative and DH has to date felt quite torn about leaving him alone in OZ (no wife or kids). However, this visit he's almost becoming aggressive about how great Oz is and how it's OBVIOUS DH would go 'home' tomorrow if it wasn't for his nasty pommie missus! The 'advantage' to me is that this has spurred DH into being uncharacteristically decisive. He wants to go back to Oz and pack up our gear (stored in a garden shed at our property and at my bil's house, bearing in mind he does live alone in a 4 bedroom house with a 5 bay garage so he's not exactly tripping over it!). I can't wait to see our stuff again after 5 years! We have just reached the point where we're replacing the second hand make-do-and-mend furniture and stuff we accrued upon our arrival 5 years ago and to me it would make sense to bring our nice, decent stuff from Oz rather than double up by buying here in the UK. I will post separately about the best shipping companies to use.

Anyway, sorry if this has turned into an anti-Australian rant. 5 weeks of my bil has goaded me into it to a certain extent!

bebespain Wed 03-Sep-08 08:17:50

Great post teslagirl and very interesting!
Good luck getting your stuff back wink

patoamarillo Wed 03-Sep-08 18:19:16

Im with bebespain here (again!), Im in Spain but DH is Spainsh. I would have moved back by now, but DH was in UK for 6 yrs and wants to be at home for a bit. I dont know how long this is... but its too long for me. Also have a spainsh overbearing mama MIL that Id like some distance from.

I know Id miss some stuff from here, but hey can always come back when we´re retired.

bebespain Wed 03-Sep-08 18:43:55

Ah pato, can relate to the overbearing Spanish MIL too. Fortunately she is in another city. We visit once a month visit and that´s more than enough for me.

How long have you been back in Spain?
Its just 2 years for me and I thought things would have got better by now. I am now realising they probably never will.

Shame you´re up in Cantabria, we could have ranted together in person wink

patoamarillo Wed 03-Sep-08 20:28:04

Two years also, Mil lives in other city as well but, and this is the killer, I live in her summer house!!! So she can and does visit whenever she wants, no is that ok with you questions... Am pushing for us to at least rent our own `place, but with one person salary is more difficult.

lets see...

SqueakyPop Wed 03-Sep-08 20:29:51

We have moved back to the UK from an international assignment. We could have stayed in the US if we wanted, but we chose to return to the UK.

It is pretty easy to move back - you soon remember your old ways.

elvisgirl Fri 05-Sep-08 00:20:50

We moved over to Oz from the UK exactly a year ago in which we had our first son & I want to go back as the guilt of grandparents not being able to see him is killing me. Before I was never a family person, being an only child of two only children and DP having an awkward family situation, but now that has all changed & I feel like such a mean bitch to be depriving the families of their grandchild, especially as I was pregnant when we moved. It must have been like rubbing their faces in it.
When we planned to move, citizenship took 2 years but then they changed it to 4yrs so DP wants to stay until then, but by then we'll probably have another baby so I am just not sure how I can manage the guilt. Everytime we sign off from a webcam session to show them what he can do now it feels so bad.
I relate to all of what Teslagirl said about the Aussie way of life & the good things about the UK. Despite living in Sydney, if you are in certain suburbs here you might as well be in the outback it feels like. & the weather, I have just been loving the cool rainy days recently!
I am glad we took the opportunity to move here for the experience & there are good points. I just hope I can settle back again in the UK but I worry about getting used to the nice bits here & finding the UK too changed or finding out I had rose-tinted specs on. At least the family will be there though. Then I will be moaning about them interfering I guess..

Ceelo Fri 05-Sep-08 07:14:14

I live the US have been thinking about it a lot but it is hard as my DH is American and in college. i just had my first baby 2 weeks ago and was in crying hysterically because my dad was grateful to me for the pictures i sent. i mean, i want my dad to have a relationship with my son not with a picture. My mum is leaving tomorrow and even though she's been here 7 weeks (thought my DH was going to lose his mind...we have a one bedroom house) i am so gutted i just want to cry. i can hardly stand it. i worry i am going to regret being so far away. my dad is ill so can never visit either. i love living here, i love my job and the sunny weather but is that enough? i sometimes wonder why the hell i'm here. i lived in Peru for 3 years before i moved here and really felt this was alot closer but it still is so far away....i feel like i'm missing out n a relationship with my parents.

bebespain Fri 05-Sep-08 07:46:01

Aw elvisgirl, I really feel for you

I am much much closer to the UK (am in Spain) but still have terrible guilt that my Mum who´s on her own doesn´t see her grandchild as often as she should. Yes she visits and so do we but its not the same and the going home bit is just awful.

I am an only child too and its very hard. I too have never been a family person and have no realtionship with my own father but since having DS my priorities have really changed and I have realised that whatever your family set-up its still your family.

Good luck wink

teslagirl Tue 09-Sep-08 11:46:45

I have to say that for me the fact my 2-years-ago widowed mother here in the UK is the perfect excuse for not even being able to ENTERTAIN the idea of going back to Oz in the foreseeable future! She's great in that she always says 'Don't whatever you do stay in the UK purely on MY account! Do what's right for your family'. Admittedly she did go to Tanzania for 8 years in her late 20s so does KNOW about leaving parents behind. But she's a huge part of my DSs lives, doing 2 school runs a week, dinner on Sunday etc.

DH's parents died in Oz 9 years ago (and I can safely say there's no WAY they'd've supported this move if they were still alive, DH would never have been spoken to again, and I'm serious! His 55 yr old single brother can barely tolerate the betrayal even now...).

I reckon it's always the hardest on 'the first generation'. If you stay in your chosen country, though it will possibly never feel like 'home' to you, your young DCs will never know any different- they will grow up there, be educated there, have friends and eventually spouses there. Many ex-pats use that 'off our hands' time to emigrate back to Blighty, but I believe never settle back here as the family is still 'over there' and- a fact I too have come to realise, blood is FAR thicker than water! You'll be 'torn' forever. Unless you bring the entire family along and even that has its pitfalls: 'Mum and Dad', knowing no one, emigrate to be near you. You have to spend a lot of time helping them integrate- being there with them really, THEN DH's job relocates to another capital city- bearing in mind in Oz we're talking possibly a thousand miles away- then Mum and Dad are left high and dry, adrift in a foreign country, unable to afford to either move again or go home, just because they wanted to be near you and the DGCs.

The 'solution' is to be very wealthy. I knew a few Pommie women who had NO trouble with homesickness/ missing the family, because they flew back to the UK at least twice a year with all the DCs in tow!

One issue- I'd never uproot a DC over the age of 12, max, unless I had no option! By then, they kind of know who they are, they have proper friends, they have an identity culturally intertwined with where they have grown up. I met several 'Aussies' whose families emigrated there when the DCs were teenagers and they have a double whammy of the parents still yearning for 'home' AND adult children who still feel a bit out of place amongst their Australian peers having not had that vital teenage socialisation in Australia, yet not being 'English' either.

Oz is different in that the population are a lot less mobile than in the UK. Many, many DCs live at home whilst they attend the local university. They remain close to school friends. Every social group you get into has a loose connection with a school, university, or family. They all party hard in their 20s, maybe doing their Overseas Experience for a year, but they all end up marrying each other, then, in the instance of Brisbane, straight back into the arms of the Catholic church, 3 or 4 kids, all off to Catholic school, doing weekend BBQs with the same folk they've known since they were at least 12- who are all now married with DCs in Catholic schools! It's hard to feel a part of that!

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