Saying goodbye to friends overseas

[TamarindTapir]

We’ve been abroad for just over 12 years, in 3 continents, for DH’s job, and now it’s finally time to go back to the U.K. - but I’m really struggling. Our previous 2 moves have been at the end of the school year, when lots of friends have moved on too, and although I’ve found it hard to say goodbye to people and places, it’s been manageable.

But this time it’s tearing me apart. DD (12) is heartbroken to leave her friends (small expat community so many are local and not moving anywhere) and I’m just as heartbroken to leave my small but very close knit circle of friends (a mixture of nationalities.) We’ve lived the last 3 years in each other’s pockets and I don’t know what I’m going to do without them. I feel something akin to real grief at the thought that these relationships will never be the same again.

I don’t really know why I’m writing. I just hope someone else will understand where I’m coming from and maybe share some experiences. I just don’t know how to deal with the sense of loss of something so special. Thank you for reading.

[MariaNovella]

🌸🌷🌺

This sounds like a real bereavement situation. Treat yourself very gently.

[wintergirl]

I’m not sure I can offer any advice, I can only say I do empathise. I also find some of the goodbyes of the expat life very difficult. Lots of people come and go, it’s true, but there are certain goodbyes and certain people that it really is like a bereavement when you/ they have to move on. I think you live in such a different environment to back home, where some friends practically become family and the support network/ time you spend together is stronger than I’ve experienced it at home because no one has family close. I’m in a reverse situation to you at the moment in that we are staying but a number of exceptionally close friends are going and we and my DS in particular is heartbroken at the loss of friends (one in particular) who had always thought they’d be here longer, so a massive shock to find they’re not.
So what to do, I wish I knew. But this is a bereavement, this is grief and it’s not overstating it to call it that. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. And maybe make some small plans, nothing too overwhelming of things you’d like to do in the UK, manageable things to look forward to. If you feel it would help arrange a trip back so you know you’ll still see them soon. We did this when we first moved from the UK, people advised against it but for our family it helped us remember that family and friends hadn’t just disappeared, over time of course the need to see so many people has decreased, but it did help with the grief and homesickness at the beginning for us. Baby steps I think, and be kind to yourself, I feel for you.

[PBobs]

Just wanted to say I know how you feel OP and it is tough. We've been in our current country for 7 years and are leaving now. We're leaving 6 weeks earlier than the end of the school year and I'm gutted. It's going to be a tough time saying goodbye to friends etc. We're a close community as well and I will miss some friends. I agree you should find little weekend breaks etc to plan in the UK to look forward to. We're lucky in that we're moving on to a new location rather than moving back to the UK but saying goodbye is always tough. Be kind to yourself and patient with yourself.