Moving with teens

[cheeseismydownfall]

Background: We've been in the US for around 2.5 years, and in theory only have another 6 months to go on our current placement. Three kids ages 10, 7 and 5.

Overall we have had a great experience. I love being an expat and the sense of freedom we have. I hadn't realised how stifling our safe, cosy little village life was back home. We have also been very lucky to have had some amazing opportunities to travel while we have been here.

I feel very flat (understatement) at the prospect of going home. I'm just not ready for our adventure to be over. Ideally I'd like to extend and stay longer, or even go on and do another posting somewhere else. But to get our eldest in to our first choice of secondary (all of our local schools back home are oversubscribed) we need to be back in the UK this October. Stay any longer and we risk him not getting a place locally at all.

The other expats we know here are very laid back about moving their children around, and I guess that has been influencing us to not be overly concerned with the school situation in the UK. But I was reading a thread in chat this morning about a mother who's 13 year old is suffering terribly after a move within the UK, and it was a bit of a wake up call that perhaps everything won't just work out OK, and that we need to prioritise getting our children settled back home for their own wellbeing.

I guess my question is, if you have experience of moving older children, how have they adapted? Any regrets? Would you do it again?

[turkeyboots]

No experience of moving kids schools (yet, ask again in September) but I moved schools a lot. Went to 4 primaries! Moving in the international school system was fine. Everything and everyone is used to it and it's v supportive. Moving into a local school system was v v hard at any age.
Stay on the adventure is my advice!

[cheeseismydownfall]

That's an interesting observation turkeyboots, about the difference of moving between international schools and local schools. Their current school is an American private school, but is the de facto international school and about half the kids there have parents who were born outside the US. It is something the school is really proud of and there are always kids coming and going. Our eldest two did spend a term in the local public school when we first arrived, but they really weren't happy - they settled immediately once we moved them.

Definitely something to think about.

[turkeyboots]

And in reflection moving "home" was the hardest. It wasn't home to me and siblings, none of us remembered living there before. DParents really struggled with that one.

[nooka]

Both moving from and into friendship groups and educational systems gets harder as you get older. Children can either be welcoming or ostracise incomers and it's difficult to predict, schools that seem nice can have bullying problems (and ones that look tough can be very nurturing). We moved twice when our children were 7/9 ish, firstly to the US and then to Canada. ds got bullied for being English in New York which was a real surprise, but they were both welcomed into Canada.

I think the UK might be a particularly hard school system to move into because of the focus on exams and the two year timetables once you get into GCSE / A level years. But both my children were considered behind in the US when we moved which meant lots of additional work (from a school that already loaded up on homework) so that may be difficult to predict too.

Personally I think two years is about when you start to feel settled so moving again so soon (unless it's back to friendships that have been sustained while you've been away) is quite disruptive. If you are thinking that you might keep on moving rather than just going back to the UK I'd look to move somewhere with an American international school so that there is one less change for your children to get to grips with.

[AjasLipstick]

We moved our very sensitive 11 year old across the world and she was fine. Thrived in fact.

I would say there's no use speculating and just to do what's best for your family at the time.

[Ancienchateau]

If you stay within the international school system it will be easy. Having said that, we have located back to the UK with 3 DC after 5 years. Two are teenagers. They all prefer it back here but the middle one is finding it harder socially which is probably due to her age and gender and being out of touch with urban slang/social nuances.

Personally, I think the advantages of living overseas outweigh the disadvantages of fitting in as a teenager. For example my eldest two speak two additional languages now and academically it has been pretty easy for them to slot back in. For my youngest (11) it has been an absolute doddle, in fact she's quite bored academically. They have gained huge insights into the world abroad and are very mature for their ages.

I think if you are realistic (as you sound to be OP) and prepared to be very supportive, then moving with teens can be okay. I don't regret it but it has been extremely challenging at times.