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Can I really leave France?(9 Posts)
I'm in such a dilemma. I've been in France 15 years and have a daughter. I got divorced in 2016 from a Frenchman. We had planned to return to the U.K. 2013, he got cold feet and pulled out after we had a buyer for our house. We'd chosen where to live and had even visited the school in the U.K. It all went downhill from then on.
Fast forward to today, he has a french girlfriend, they're expecting a baby, he's just bought a huge house and got a new job. His family is close by as are all his lifelong friends.
I've been wanting to leave for the last few years. I have a dead end job in education and feel utterly unchallenged work-wise. There is zero promotion prospects and the way my school is managed is archaic and sexist.
Our daughter is 12.5. She's fully bilingual. I think she sees me struggling financially especially. Dad takes her in holiday several times a year, and all I can
Afford is the odd few days in the U.K. But we love it!
I don't want to trash him off. I've got over all the emotions tied up with being forcrd to stay here legally but she's now at an age where she has a say.
I've spoken to my daughter and she's up to move. She's in an international school and people are coming and going all the time so she's used to it.
I'm looking at schools/job opps in Kent so that it would be a quick trip back to France. it would be in 2019.
Ive been waiting and waiting patiently to leave - with my daughter, she would be nearly 14.
I know people rave about France but I have few friends here and I'm one of the very few single mums at my daughter's school. I speak fluent French but the mentality is doing my head in! I could not face being with another needy Frenchman!
We live in a lovely town, very safe, and a small school and I really do appreciate that.
I guess I would like to know if anyone's been in a similar position and has successfully returned to the U.K and re-built their lives.
We are going three times this year for visits and every time we have to leave I feel like crying. I know life could be a lot worse though.
Thanks for listening. Hadn't meant it to be so long!!
What does your DD's father think about it? Would you be moving with his blessing, or against it?
He may well take me to court. I don't want me or my daughter going through all that again. I want us to leave with his blessing. I already emailed him a few months ago, but have never got a response. He is not the type of person who can open up and discuss things .
I am open to mediation but he is very blinkered by any sort of change unless he profits from it.
It's a delicate situation but not one that is impossible.
I know quite a few people who have relocated back to the UK from abroad, including myself. Some with younger children than yours, which makes it easier, but one or two with children about the same age.
You will find it easy to get a job here as a teacher - there is a shortage - but your daughter may find the schooling different and find that difficult initially.
You should move her before she starts Year 10.
Settling in seems to work like this - first six months all is rosy and you love being back, then the next six months you start to notice the things that are actually better in the country you've just come from, and then the next year, you learn to accept and as long as you keep remembering why you came back (perhaps write it all down now, why you want to move back) then you will settle into it and be happy.
If your dd tells your ex that she too wants the move, then surely he cannot stop it?
How does Brexit fit into your thinking?
Thank you June, it’s interesting to hear another perspective. I’m sure we will need time to adapt and life will be different but we are ready to try!
Legally my daughter can be heard by a judge and her opinion counts but I really do not want war with
Her father or put her in a position where she has to choose between us. My family has patiently waited also to see more of her, at the moment all holidays revolve around her french grandmother’s availability.
She would continue to see the french family of course - certain things are set in stone.
She has two cultures and two nationalities but France dominates everything.
Brexit is a mess, every day I hear something new but no-one really knows what the future holds and any decision taken now by Macron might not stand the test of time . I’d rather take my chances I think .
I relocated back to UK in July with my DC. If we had had stayed another year we would have had the chance to take French nationality which was important to us post Brexit. However, it is absolutely the best thing we have done. The opportunities here are brilliant for me and the DC. If your DD is in an international school and bilingual it will not be difficult for her. My DC are all at secondary (one taking GCSEs this summer) and have found the transition so easy, unlike the other way around. Plus you're not moving far - it takes me 4 hours tops to get to Paris from where we live.
Thank you Ancienchsteau, that warms my heart!
We are coming in May to visit a few schools and I am working on getting some meetings for jobs.
I do find the UK so dynamic in comparison.