Giving birth abroad and wondering...

[tilda0]

I am now 5 1/2 months pregnant and I live in Sweden, the homeland of my husband since almost 3 years. I don't think I want to live much longer here. Now that the birth date is getting close I am wondering if it is a good idea to have the baby born in a country that is not my homeland. Already it is hard to just have a getaway home (only 2.5hours flight from Sweden). My husband is stressed with work and doesn't want to go there now. It is my last chance to visit my country before giving birth...I'm not asking for a babymoon on a greek island for two weeks, just two days back home.
I understand that he is stressed with work/money.
This makes me doubt a lot. It seems that it is going to be hard to getaway. It makes me wanna move back home.

[tilda0]

I'm also really annoyed that there is no trip option in Sweden if I don't take a plane. Really tired of being stuck in the cold boring north pole!

[fatowl]

I'm a bit confused.
Do you want a short trip to your home country for a few days before it becomes too late for you to fly? Or are you talking about actually leaving your DH to give and stay in your home country for an extended time while you give birth. You say you don't want to live there much longer, but then you say you just want to go for two days.

Either way, it is an unsettling time and it's fine for you to feel restless/homesick?
You say your Dh is from Sweden, do you get on well with his family, do you have a lot of support?

[Evelynismyspyname]

Tilda haven't you been posting on this dilemma since before you even started TTC?

Your husband won't leave Sweden despite you hating it because he owns a flat?

Just go back to your home country without him for as long as you can get leave from work. He doesn't need to go with you, you don't have to make any big decision until after you return from a holiday in France. Stay where you'd live if you moved back so you can think more realistically about whether the grass is greener.

[caffelatte100]

Can't you just book a flight ticket and go on your own for a long weekend or longer. You sound very miserable and unfortunately the winter has not really started. Benefits are good in Sweden so hopefully you can enjoy them...

[tilda0]

Maternity benefits are good in Sweden for people who have been employed there which is not my case and not the case of many foreigner mums...@caffelatte100

@Evelynismyspyname I basically know that I don't want to live in Sweden since two months after we arrived here. Being a tourist is so different than being an immigrant here. Sweden is super good in terms of infrastructure and safety but completely fucked up in terms of social life.

@fatowl I'd love to go on a short trip and I also would like to move for good!

[BabyDreams2018]

How many weeks pregnant are you? Most airlines have a cut off for travelling when pregnant. If you move to give birth, do you have support to help you? Every relationship requires compromise so you need to sit down with your DH and make some decisions.

[tilda0]

*@BabyDreams2018 * I'm willing to take a few trains if I can't fly. I'm 23weeks now and not ready to move yet...
No support in England but a lot of friends. One MIL in Sweden and 0 friend.

[Laptopwieldingharpy]

Don’t know how many times we have to go over this without sounding totally un compassionate but what?
Oui Londres c mieux, Paris seule? une compromission possible mais pas souhaitable. Pourquoi faire un enfant dans ces conditions?

[MountainDweller]

Go home alone for a break, see your friends and family.

Healthcare in Sweden is excellent and you will have been paying towards it so take advantage and have your baby there.

DH spent a year commuting to Stockholm from our home in Eastern France. He found the winter hard, the lack of light was the worst thing. I think November is almost the worst month because you have all the darkness ahead of you. We thought about moving but we were not that keen and are very settled where we are (from U.K. originally).

[Lunde]

I am a bit late to this thread - but it is easy to give birth in Sweden everything is organised for you. You could just turn up at the hospital with a toothbrush if you wish - they provide clothes, baby clothes, nappies, towels etc. Many places have patient hotels or family rooms so DH can stay with you. I recommend you give birth in a Swedish hospital gown - they are soft jersey nightshirts with buttons at the front

I assume that you are going to the Community Midwife (Mödravård) at the moment. I recommend that you sign up for the Mödravård antenatal classes - I knew nobody when I gave birth but I am still in contact with some of the people from my Mödravård class - we organised out own meetings after the birth for coffee/trips to the park etc.

I'm not sure how you are planning to get to the UK in late pregnancy but it is a dreadful journey from Sweden to the channel tunnel - these days many ferries operate the same system as planes

I'm not sure why you feel it will be wrong to give birth in Sweden - the baby will not be "Swedish" as baby will automatically take its parents' nationality. It will be more complicated to give birth out of Sweden and then return:

• you will need to sort passports before you return - so you would have to register in your home country and wait for a passport
  
• you will need to apply for a residence permit for the baby to live in Sweden
  
• you will need to apply for civil registration (folkbokföring/personal number) to give your child healthcare coverage and eventually nursery - this is done automatically by the hospital if you give birth in Sweden
  
• you will need to apply for your baby to be written into the Social Security system (Försäkringskassan) - this may delay your maternity/paternity benefits
  

I gave birth twice in Sweden with no-one other than DH. In Sweden it is not really common for people to have a lot of family and friends around them - for example when I gave birth only DH/DP (and the baby's siblings) were allowed to visit on the ward. DH gets an automatic 2 week paternity leave after the birth most people did not have family help.

You are entitled to maternity benefits in Sweden even if you have never worked. Every baby gets parental benefits for 16 months (12 months are income related if you have one/4 at minimum level). I think the minimum amount if you have never worked is around 250kr per day - it's around 7500sek/£700 a month if you take it 7 days a week (some people take it for fewer days to get it longer). DH gets up to 80% salary for a minimum of 2 months. However I don't think you can receive this until your baby is registered in Sweden/registered for social security.

[BertieBotts]

Read this, it's absolutely fabulous and might help ease some of the anxiety.

www.amazon.co.uk/Knocked-Up-Abroad-Stories-pregnancy-ebook/dp/B0196SSHQK?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

We've been in Germany 4 years. I had DS in the UK. To be honest, I used to be anxious about the idea of giving birth abroad, these days I would be more anxious about the state of maternity care in the UK.

Have you looked around for English speaking mothers' groups at all? That is how I've met most of my friends here and actually because we are all expats we understand the struggles of it and they've been a massive support to me.

Good luck with your decision and the rest of your pregnancy.

[Roomba]

If you've been overseas for 3 years, I imagine the NHS will class you as 'Not Habitually Resident' in the UK and you'll be billed for having your baby here? Something else to consider. Sorry you're struggling, OP.

[tilda0]

thanks a lot @Lunde for all your tips.
It looks like I am going to give birth in Stockholm. I realised that it would be wiser to stay put. (for now ;)

I don't know if the hospital provides all the goodies you mentioned. I have a Swedish midwife and I will go to some parenting meetings. Not sure if I will attend any other meetings as there aren't in English.
My idea to give birth in England was only if we were going to stay there. I believe we belong there! Or maybe in France. Certainly not in Sweden.
I guess I was freaking out to be stuck in Sweden if baby is born there. My husband swears we aren't stuck and everything is possible later.

Sweden is a good places to give birth and I feel comfortable with the idea now. I won't have anyone but my husband with me that day so that's good.

Since you seem to know much about the Swedish system...How do you feel about kids going to public parcs everyday with their pre-school teachers? One of my friend got her 1.3year old baby escaping from the parc and ending up at the tube station .

[tilda0]

@MountainDweller You are right, the best return you get from Swedish taxes is almost free healthcare and preschool. We might just use those few years and leave after!
November is a hard month indeed. October is pretty depressing because it's already cold. It usually snows in April...
Where about in France are you? North or South East? I'm glad you are happy there! Are the French being nice to you? Diversity is great in France, I miss that.

[tilda0]

@BertieBotts this book sounds great, thanks for that!
these days I would be more anxious about the state of maternity care in the UK. I believe that...it seems pretty busy especially maternities near London...

[tilda0]

@Roomba thanks...yes, it's possible that we would have been paying for birth in the UK. It's not happening so it's for the best. It seems to me that we will never be able to move back being 3 EU citizens in a few months! That makes me sad.