Moving back...

[ForgivenessIsDivine]

Aarrgghh. We have lived abroad for 6 years and bought a house 18 months ago with the intention of staying. I am struggling as I cannot seem to get myself out of the rut I am in. I have been a SAHM for 10 years and now I am feeling that this has cost me more than I thought it would, I feel like I have nothing outside of the children and house.

I tried to retrain but never found the time between washing, cooking, ferrying children around (age 13, 10 and 8) to study plus I didn't like the course. I am desperately trying to find the cash to try again but afraid that I will be unable to find the motivation and time to study. Also, even if I retrain, the tax implications of me working could mean that we are worse off than we are now. The bureaucracy here is a nightmare.

I know why we moved here and know that moving back (new location) would be hard. Since buying our own house, we are burning through our savings and I don't know that we will be easily able to sell again, property takes a long time to move, think 2 to 3 years. I don't know that I can cope with the stress of uprooting our children and finding a new home, new schools, new friends, activities etc etc etc. I think it might break us.... but equally staying here might break me...

What do I need to think about...

[Hotdognoketchup]

Maybe if you think about what would be different for you if you moved back home and see if you could get more of that where you are? For example how much more time would you have, where would that time come from? Can you make more time for yourself where you are. In the short term at least moving three kids may not give you more time.

[ForgivenessIsDivine]

Thanks hotdog.. I think I will take myself with me, so being in a different place will not be so much better... plus its not home for me though I have no yearning to go home. I have gone from yes... lets go, to no, we have bought this house, lets live in it... and DH has come home with...it could be a 5 or ten year thing, and then we could come back... which is the exact opposite of what I had in my head..... Mmmmm

[TheJunctionBaby]

We lived abroad for 5 years before moving back. Even now, over a year later I miss it daily. I actually pine for my old life. We have a good life back here, but I'd give it up tomorrow to move back. I've been a stay at home mum since we moved away and it was easier there than here. movong back isn't always the answer

[AvaCrowder2]

I think your dc are old enough that you working could help you feel more at home. I don't get the tax regime that the family is worse off on two incomes.

Best wishes

[ForgivenessIsDivine]

I have an appointment with a tax advisor this week... the problem is that by moving from a 1 income family to a 2 income family we change tax rates and loose family allowances so while I am self-employed and building my business, there will be an immense amount of pressure to earn a set amount in order to break even. Getting a salaried job is complicated due to qualifications, language and work permits...

And yes... I know moving back might not be the answer....

[AvaCrowder2]

I would think that you wouldn't lose family tax allowances until you earnt a certain amount that would equal them at least. I hope you get good advice.
I face challenges of language and work quotas for nationals. It's really depressing at the moment.
Good luck.