Seriously reconsidering

(24 Posts)
MonsterKidz Tue 25-Jul-17 20:36:30

Hi Lovely Mumsnetters,

I've been dipping in and out of this board for a while now but this is my first post and I desperately need advice.

We are relocating to the States with my husbands work and are due to leave in a couple of months. However, in the past few weeks I am experiencing extreme anxiety about the move and think I may be doing the wrong thing. I've always been anxious about leaving family and friends behind but as the move is not permanent (2 years) I thought it would be ok and the adventure of living somewhere different would reconcile. They can also visit us and us them.

However, as we are so close now the thought of going is literally paralysing me with fear. The biggest issue I have is the fear of a major earthquake in the area. This isn't irrational, it could happen any day and could be catastrophic for the
area we are moving to. I don't know if I can live in fear of it.

What would you do mumsnetters? Please advise me.

I have 2 young children and I am

OP’s posts: |
Skala123 Tue 25-Jul-17 22:23:34

Where are you moving to?

realhousewife23 Wed 26-Jul-17 03:56:12

Would there be any repercussions from pulling out so close to the move? How will your DH's employer take it, have they paid out for visas, immigration attorneys etc? How far down the road are you with finding a home, school in the US? Last minute panic and nerves and totally normal for such a life changing move but I can say from experience, 2 years will absolutely fly by. I don't know much about the earthquake risks (presumably you're heading to the west coast?) but is there any reading / research you can do to alleviate your anxiety on that.

AwayFromHere Wed 26-Jul-17 05:30:19

Take the leap - get out there, you will have the time of your life I promise you. The feeling is perfectly normal. Good luck. You can always turn around and come back.

Glastokitty Wed 26-Jul-17 05:43:26

Oh my goodness you must do it, it will be a fabulous adventure, and s you say, its only for two years. I emigrated to Oz despite never having set foot in the place. It was totally fucking terrifying but it was the best thing I ever did. Feel the fear and do it anyway! Good luck!

MakeItStopNeville Wed 26-Jul-17 05:49:17

Youll be fine. Enjoy!

newbian Wed 26-Jul-17 05:54:04

Are you afraid of experiencing an earthquake, or that you will die in one?
The last "big one" that hit California had a death toll of about 50 people total in LA which has a regional population of 20 million.


newbian Wed 26-Jul-17 05:54:36

If it helps I relocated with DH to a country (and continent) I'd never set foot on, and it's been a fantastic experience.

BritInUS1 Wed 26-Jul-17 05:56:13

It's natural to start to have doubts and to come up with reasons not to go.

I moved to the states last year and it was a scary time for me too x

OutandIntoday Wed 26-Jul-17 06:03:32

Go - 2 years will fly by! If you are west coast- think of the amazing weekends you will have- people go for holidays of a lifetime and you will have it on your doorstep. We did it - and now love going back to visit our old haunts - it is lovely having another place that you know well. Do you want to share where you are going, I'm sure someone could give you some local knowledge.

ExhaustTed Wed 26-Jul-17 07:14:43

We move later this month and I feel your wobbles too. I am worried about leaving parents and friends behind, and that I will feel lonely and isolated after the move. However for me, I just focus on the fact it's a great move for my husbands career and a great opportunity for us all to experience something completely different. We don't know how long we are going for, but are fairly sure it's not forever. Although I'm massively stressed about the practicalities of the move, I am trying to stay positive and excited about what we are doing.

And a better climate is an added bonus too (pouring with rain on day 3 of the summer holidays ..... )

MonsterKidz Wed 26-Jul-17 14:27:47

This has really helped me, thank
you all for your replies. We're moving to Seattle, or just outside anyway. The earthquake threat is a total unknown to me, we don't have anything like that to worry about here. I have experienced one before in Greece a few years back and it was terrifying. We are way into the process, could in theory still
pull out but there would be massive repercussions for my husband. What to do? Think I just need to focus on the positives and pray to God and whoever else that nothing happens...

OP’s posts: |
BritInUS1 Wed 26-Jul-17 16:36:02

There are always a million and one reasons not to do something. The risk of earthquake is small. Speak to your husband about your fears, we talked a lot before we moved as we both had cold feet at different time.

I'm lucky in that I was able to get a visa to work here too, off the back of OH's visa, but that would have been a deal breaker for me.


Windycityblues Thu 27-Jul-17 15:51:19

Relocating is very stressful and scary, it is pretty normal to be scared and stressed. I was down right terrified by the time we left for Latin American, sick, unable to eat levels of fear. But we survived and thrived. It wasn't always easy but it was worthwhile and we are about to do it again. Focus on what you do want to do and what you are looking forward to. Try and accept the fear as normal and don't dwell on it.

Girlscout1910 Fri 28-Jul-17 17:17:33

SEattle is one of the move amazing cities I've been to with so much to see and do and fantastic scenery. I would move there in a shot.
It's natural to be worried about the unknown but 2 years is a great adventure

MonsterKidz Fri 28-Jul-17 17:41:15

Cannot thank you all enough for the encouraging and reassuring responses. I'm trying my best to stay calm and positive, not easy! And to focus on the reasons we decided to do this! It's good to know so many others have felt similar before the big move!

OP’s posts: |
MovingtoUSmum Sat 29-Jul-17 10:19:38

We are moving in 2 months too. Going to NY.
Have had so much to do to get organised. We have three children so had to sort schools etc. Like you, we are moving for my husband's career, it's an amazing opportunity for him and not going would really hamper his advancement prospects. I also have moments of completely panic and nausea that I am making the wrong decision for my family but the thing keeping me going is this: you get ONE life. You have to enjoy it and grasp every opportunity that comes your way so buckle up and enjoy the ride. I tell myself that all the time and it honestly helps so just relax to go with it.

SolomanDaisy Sat 29-Jul-17 20:27:44

I've lived in an earthquake zone and you just forget about it unless there are tremors. Most buildings have good earthquake retrofitting anyway. It all seems scary beforehand, but you can do it!

BeALert Tue 15-Aug-17 03:58:44

I've lived in Seattle and never felt a single tremor. TBH I never really thought about earthquakes.

Such a big move is scary, but worth it. Maybe start planning all the fun things you'll do once you're there. Nordstrom flagship store... Pike Place Market... visit Whistler in summer and winter... Drive down to Oregon to see the waterfalls, visit Timberline Lodge, and head into the desert to go white water rafting. The amazing bookstores, swimming in Lake Washington, taking a ferry over to the Bainbridge Island (look out for whales - we saw one), flying on a float plane up to the San Juan Islands, camping on the Olympic Peninsula, skiing at Stevens Pass. Driving up to Vancouver for the weekend...

I've now convinced myself to move back to Seattle.

Nandocushion Tue 15-Aug-17 04:26:10

Seattle's fantastic. It does rain a lot though! Earthquakes are certainly possible but they wouldn't really be devastating - so much there is new and built to handle very strong shakes. While small tremors are likely, the big quake you're worried about is much less so. Wish I was whale-watching in the San Juans right now.

Cavender Tue 15-Aug-17 04:31:47

We relocated to Texas, also for my DH's work, also a temporary move.

I was extremely nervous, had never been to Texas before and very worried about the children's education.

It's been a wonderful experience so far. The people are incredibly kind, friendly and helpful. Our children are doing brilliantly in school, one in particular has completely blossomed in a different teaching environment.

DH is receiving wonderful career opportunities and we have considerably more family time.

The first six months were hard for the children and they felt terribly homesick but after that they settled very well.

We're very happy here. It's been a great move.

Atenco Tue 15-Aug-17 05:03:27

I hate the States, except for places like Seattle. Go for it, it's beautiful. And I lived through the 1987 Mexico City earthquake when some 100,000 people died and I'm still living here.

Expat38matt Tue 15-Aug-17 05:58:04

Do it! Push yourself out of your comfort zone
You'll be so proud of yourself that you did!

mylaptopismylapdog Tue 15-Aug-17 06:37:30

I think your feelings are natural but I think if it wasn't the earthquake threat you would probably be worrying about something else because you are going out of your normal environment. Last time I looked Seattle was rated as the best place to live in the States We did 2 years with our 2 in Virginia and they had experiences they wouldn't have had here and we travelled so it was a good for all of us.we had lots of visitors and were able to give them a really good time. You will all have to make adjustments and it will take a while to settle but it is an adventure worth taking.

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