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Live near family or friends?(3 Posts)
I found out that I am pregnant but we still have plenty of time to move. We are currently in his country with potential family to support us (we assume). But we have left network and friends in the UK where I feel like returning sometimes although we are both Europeans. Where we live now if great for kids but we don't feel in phase with people. We have a hard time making friends and it's pretty cold all year long.
-> Friends+network in a place we like and hopefully get a resident visa OR stay near his family and accept the lack of friends and the tough weather...?
I think it's reasonable to talk to your dh and his family and get a proper idea of what support you can expect from them. Occasional babysitting? Help in an emergency? Or more like weekly babysitting and over night stays? Don't assume what help they do or don't want to offer. Anecdotally I know of people who've been disappointed with a lack of babysitting from parents/grandparents and of families who've moved to be close to family but have received no real help from them. Some family support is more emotional support than actual babysitting but it's all valuable but your parents or your PIL might not be keen to have the grandkids too often. I think a starting point is to have some proper conversations about expectations and work from there. You often can make quite good friends at antenatal groups etc
I don't think we can ask my husbands family how much they are willing to support us. They have behaviour principles and this is not a question to be asked I'm pretty sure! They are soon retired but they live their life, they travel much more than us and we always see them in 'polite' context almost like office meetings (I exaggerate, but it's a bit stiff) So I am thinking that her mum wouldn't turn into a babysitter, she would probably occasionally want to hang out with the baby 1 or 2 days a month. I'm just guessing based on how much we see them. It won't be emotional support because we don't usual share emotions. It would be practical support, if they are willing to help. On top of that there are many things I don't like where we live and I just wonder if I am trying to find excuses to move.......