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Accepting to live in a place by default

(12 Posts)
Almondmilk Fri 09-Jun-17 18:18:36

Hi all,

Some of you will recognise me from my previous posts...My situation hasn't changed: still living in Scandinavia (2yrs now), not convinced it's a place for me, still thinking that Scandinavians aren't a good match for me. But going through a phase of acceptation. I don't have kids and I am thinking that Scandi will be good if I have kids. I haven't made friends in two years but do I really need friends? Maybe I should be satisfied having a husband and hopefully kids some day soon. It's cold yes but it's not polluted, after all, do I need 35°C? There is nothing to do on the week-end, yes, but I have mumsnet and youtube so I should be fine.

If there isn't another option atm. Maybe I am just truly blind and stubborn so I can't see the wonderful sides of Scandinavia.

Viviene Wed 21-Jun-17 00:02:08

I could write your post! I do have moments when I think this county is on, I like it here, I can get things I want to get and generally speaking, I do not have to worry about spending too much money.

But then...

Do I really want to spend my life glued to Netflix and Mumsnet? Last time I went out somewhere was July 2016 as I know literally no one here.

I get very lonely at times and I really do think it is not worth it.

Almondmilk Wed 21-Jun-17 11:05:49

@Viviene Hey where are you? Last time you went out is a long time ago!! Unless you live in a very very beautiful house, I think we all need to hang out outside and talk to people...

MariafromMalmo Wed 21-Jun-17 11:20:16

I think these are tough decisions. But really don't hang on by default.

If you partner died, presumably you would be on the first plane out? I have had that feeling.... but is was accompanied by "I am leaving at [the end of your current contract] and you can choose to stay here or come with me to where I am going". I had active job finding and house hunting plans.

Where we are now (also foreign for both of us) if he dies tomorrow I would still stay. I have made my life here and I am staying.

You actually sound very passive about it all- this is your only life, so don't squander 2/3rds of it ... for what?

The other point is would you be starting from zero somewhere else? If you are "going home" remember that others' lives are moving on and away from when you were last there so your friendships may not be the same anyway.

I know making friends is tough when in your heart you just want to leave, but is there really no mechanisms for you to meet new people at all?

Almondmilk Wed 21-Jun-17 16:59:38

star thanks @MariafromMalmo, you know exactly how I feel.
This he dies tomorrow I would still stay is a fair point. Are you in Malmö if I may ask?
We wouldn't start from zero if we were going to move again as I would like to live a small town near London (I wouldn't move back home). We lived in London for 10 years. I can seem passive because I don't know if that's a good idea (brexit, cost of life, etc). In Scandinavia we can get such support if we have kids and it's a pretty safe place. That's why I am pretty unsure. This said, if I was going to be alone, I would probably not stay here.

Making friends had been possible and I have acquaintances. Relationships don't really evolve as people have their old friends already.

If I was going to have a job where I want to live, like you did, there is a chance we would move. But I'm pondering my moves.

Almondmilk Wed 21-Jun-17 17:02:10

There is a bit of sentence missing!
if he dies tomorrow would I still stay? Dies or divorces! I don't think I would stay.

MariafromMalmo Wed 21-Jun-17 20:52:27

I am not in Malmö (actually I have never been to anywhere in Scandinavia!).

But yes Brexit is a complication none of us wanted. And truthfully under no circumstances would I agree to go back to the U.K. now, no matter how much I hated where I was living!

Almondmilk Thu 22-Jun-17 12:58:43

@MariafromMalmo Why would you not go back to the UK now? Uncertainty for Europeans status? Other reasons? I'm interested to knowsmile

MariafromMalmo Thu 22-Jun-17 13:10:52

1. Uncertainty over status (DH is British, I'm not, kids could get passports but have other EU)

2. Salaries relatively poor and going down

3. Where would we live?

4. Having seen other places, I don't see it as an improvement/upward step from where we are.

5. Third level becoming much re and more expensive

6. Having gone to the effort of learning another language, I quite like using it.

Almondmilk Thu 22-Jun-17 13:33:02

@MariafromMalmo
1.Fair point
2.Cost of life is cheaper than where I live now, and taxes are ridiculous. Do you live in the south of Europe? Or maybe Holland? I'm curious smile
3. British coast is nice?
4. Where are you?grin
5.Fair point!
6.Lucky you for enjoying your new language! I'm not...I guess people are friendly and chatty where you live so it helps!

MariafromMalmo Thu 22-Jun-17 13:36:49

I 'm in Switzerland. You should try it!

Almondmilk Fri 23-Jun-17 13:14:55

@MariafromMalmo Thanks for the suggestion smile

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