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Germany or England??? Help!

(10 Posts)
ConfusedDotEU Tue 21-Feb-17 10:28:53

Sorry this is a bit long thanks

DH is Spanish and I am German. We have both lived in England for over 20 years, English is our family language though dc speak German reasonably well and a little bit of Spanish (not much though). DH has started learning German and is making reasonable progress. We have both lived all our adult lives in the UK, studied and worked, we also have a mortgage on our home here in England.

Following Brexit we are thinking about moving to Germany. We are worried about possible xenophobia following Brexit and the state of education, health car, pensions and the overall economy here long-term.

We settled here because we have always loved how free and open it felt, full of possibilities. I also am rather Anglophile and love the English language. Though I have started to feel concerned about my give-away accent worrying about xenophobia fearing that we may never truly belong to our chosen home country and will be only tolerated , if that.

But...... relocating seems so scary, without knowing what it would really be like.....
it's such a difficult call. Dc1 is in year 2 and dc2 in YR. They are really settled here, they have gone to nursery from a young age. English is their native tongue. Both DC have friends and my DH is in work (I am a sham at the moment but worked in a professional role until recently).

Saying all this, we both love Berlin but we have only experienced it on family holidays so of course it felt relaxed and lovely. There is so much one can do in Berlin in terms of art, culture and the outdoors. On the other hand after living in London for many years (we know live in Kent) I am a bit fed up with the buzzing crowded metropolitan lifestyle i experienced in London.

Jobs will be difficult, more for dh than me as his German is work in progress.

There is a very good school in Berlin and we have just been put at the top of the waiting list for it for both dc. There is a good chance that we will be offered these school places for September '17. But it would feel so weird leaving what has become our home in such a rush and neither of us have jobs lined up though I could start job hunting right now. I fear I would always ponder "What if"? I don't know if it matters but dc are British by birth and dh and I both naturalised two years ago.

I am so confused and feeling really anxious about making the wrong decision. Does anyone have any Advice? This is so stressful. Many thanks for reading thanks brew

BitOutOfPractice Tue 21-Feb-17 12:30:24

I don't think things will be as bad as you imagine (and I say that as a very keen remainer)

Why don't you wait and see how it goes and then make a choice. Your DH's German will have improved then as well.

Personally I would like you to stay and help keep Britain strongly multi cultural and open

khaleesi71 Tue 21-Feb-17 14:09:14

Agree with PP and such a shame for migrants such as yourselves to feel this is the future for the UK. My aunt and family live in the north of Germany and my uncle was himself a migrant from war torn Sierra Leone. They have been in Germany for many many years and feel the same issues are also prevalent in Germany and my aunt is now considering the move back to the UK for the same reasons. I love both countries (lived in Germany myself for a short while - although in a military bubble) and hope you find a way forward but the grass is not always greener. I wish you luck x

ChipmunkSundays Tue 21-Feb-17 18:46:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ylvamoon Tue 21-Feb-17 19:05:41

Move if you want to move, but you have to consider your situation carefully. Do your research into the areas you would like to live.
Not sure what type of school you have applied for, but generally children start formal schooling at age 6. It's often just a morning 8-12 or 1, so if you both want to work, you will be looking at additional childcare.
Jobs, there is a shortage in the technology sector (& healthcare) but you will need all the necessary qualifications to "secure" a good income.
Otherwise, I agree with other posters, wait and see. I can't see the UK government wanting to "rid" all EU citizens, especially the ones that have been here a long time and are in a secure financial situation.

ConfusedDotEU Tue 21-Feb-17 19:27:23

Thank you Chip and Ylva.

Chip what you say rings very true. Part of me (and DH) is excited about the possibilities Berlin could hold, we feel especially like that when we are there visiting. The other part feels as if leaving to 'go home' would be a huge defeat. I do not believe we would have considered this move if it weren't for Brexit. But whether imagined or not, the atmosphere has changed, people like us are being rejected as a group and it feels quite uncomfortable.

It took me a long time to actually learn to fit in with our current community
The crowd in London is so international but moving outside of London to raise our dc was a huge learning curve in terms of connecting with people. I do feel that I had to adjust my communication style a fair bit in order to fit in with my predominantly English middle class environment. I fear that having been away from Germany for so long that we would have to start from scratch and figure out how everything works, the school system, socialising, even birthday parties, which seem to be run in quite different ways. I worry that I will feel out of my depth again....

Waiting a year or two sounds reasonable however this is time when dc will be schooled in English and it will get more and more difficult for them to transfer to the German school system.

ChipmunkSundays Wed 22-Feb-17 07:14:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gfplux Thu 23-Feb-17 17:27:24

What passports do you all have. If you decide to stay in Britain I think you should all consider getting British passports to ensure you will be able to live in Britain in the long term. Who knows what will happen in the future.
This might sound a little George Orwell but things have happened recently that have taken many of us by surprise.

Archfarchnad Thu 23-Feb-17 17:40:35

As a long-time Berliner and now German citizen, I'd say you'd be far better off in Berlin. Which school are you at the top of the waiting list for, by the way? One of the En-De bilingual ones, I presume? NM, CD, QB, JFK?
Berlin has a wonderful international feeling right now, also much better healthcare, a more socially fair system, and some great bars if that's your thing.

caffelatte100 Thu 23-Feb-17 19:12:46

Imagine how great it would be to have fully bilingual children who can read and write German as well as English. You could enrol them also in English classes so they read and write in English at the same time (or before, KG years in DE they don't learn to read and write.
Now is absolutely the right time to do it.
Look at some of the polls, quality of life is so much better in Germany than the UK. At worse, you can try it and always move back should it not have worked out. Good luck!!!

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