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Would you go back to the UK now if you had the chance to stay in europe?

(18 Posts)
funklymydear Thu 16-Feb-17 18:53:31

Husband needs to find another job. We have been out of the UK for 10 yrs, children are happy here, speak language as mother tongue. Having always expected we would move with the company I have hoped to stay here as long as possible. Now we can stay if we can find another job. Would you make every effort to stay when you live in a really nice place and your children are happy and you are 2 yrs away from being able to apply for a passport?

MIL expected us to go back straight away and offered for us to live with her (widowed 2 yrs). She said this to one or other of us 4 or 5 times and said how we would pay rent, healthcare etc where we are and why wouldn't we come back. Then she said "I am obviously not going to change your mind, is that what you both think". She has also said that she is looking for work for DH.

funklymydear Thu 16-Feb-17 19:18:29

The comment was made to me....

cannotseeanend Thu 16-Feb-17 19:42:32

You don't say where you live and where you'd move back to.

In uncertain times, I have really appreciated my host country offered another EU nationality to myself and children. It depends on how important that is to you.

funklymydear Thu 16-Feb-17 20:17:21

Nowhere to move back to without work. No house, school or job at the moment. Neither of us want to live where MIL and much is centred on the south east in the line of work we have.
The other EU nationality if important to me. I guess in a roundabout way I am rather annoyed at MIL trying to influence what we do "maybe you will find it difficult to get another job in europe with Brexit coming up" (as in they will not want us).
The attitude she is trying to promote is "you have had your little adventure and now it is time to come home" just as she and FIL did in time to look after her mother.....

TimTamTerrier Thu 16-Feb-17 20:26:52

I would live anywhere rather than move in with my MIL, or my Mother, or anyone really, I like my own space. I think if you are all happy and the DC are settled then you are better off trying to stay.

We did move back to my home county from the UK, but we wanted to for our own reasons, not because my Mother was pushing for it. We would have had to move area if we had stayed in the UK anyway.

funklymydear Thu 16-Feb-17 20:37:01

She has this idea that we have to leave the country and need to go back. She keeps saying she has no one to help her with her house (there is a daughter 45 mins away).There is no reason for us not to stay here and look for work from here. I want to stay here and I think it is best for the children. I do not see myself retiring here but it is far better than us going back to the UK.

I resent MIL interferring and trying to influence what we do.

amyboo Fri 17-Feb-17 09:32:15

No way would I move back to the UK - we've been away for nearly 15 years... Like you, our sectors are very focussed in the SE and I would hate to be another London commuter. Our standard of living would also drop hugely. Luckily for us, DH and the kids have already been able to take the nationality of the EU country we live in. I haven't yet because my job is linked to my nationality (international organisation), so it's not as easy for me. We've already said that we don't plan to move back. The kids speak the language here, are settled in school, and we have a great work/life balance and a lovely house - neither of which we ever be able to get in the SE of England....

When we first moved here my PIL were quite similar with the comments - really believing it would be something we had to get out of our systems. Ha!

Suttonmum1 Fri 17-Feb-17 09:36:54

No way would I come back if I was 2 years from getting an EU passport.

user1477282676 Fri 17-Feb-17 09:39:08

Not quite the same but I have been living in Australia for the last 15 months with DH and our two DC...I'm English and we lived in the UK together for the last 14 years.

I sometimes wondered about going back...then a blip with my visa made me think "SHIT! I might have to go back!!"

And I wasn't pleased at the thought.

Think about how you would feel if you HAD to go back. Would you be ok with it or very upset.

Ancienchateau Fri 17-Feb-17 10:07:00

Sounds to me like your MIL is the issue here. If she was not part of the equation, what would you do? I think you have already answered that. Good luck finding new jobs where you currently live.

Fwiw, I think moving for other people can lead to a lot of resentment and unhappiness. It's bad enough being a trailing spouse ...

specialsubject Fri 17-Feb-17 10:10:02

Live your own life. It doesn't sound like you want to return and mil will have to look after herself, as all adults do. Tell her to employ a cleaner and home help. If she can't afford that, she needs to take appropriate action.

If you are in Europe you aren't a million miles away, it could take longer to get to her from some parts of the UK than from where you are now.

5moreminutes Fri 17-Feb-17 10:22:18

Obviously you would not cope with living with your mil and if you really moved in with her everyone would be miserable.

If you moved back to the UK you'd all lose the chance of an EU passport and your children would probably lose the gift of bilingualism - especially if they are under 10 it's unfortunately inevitable they would lose the language unless you all use it as a family language (which would have a poetic irony if you moved in with MIL and all spoke French/ German / Spanish as a family language - I imagine she'd be most irate grin )

It could be very hard indeed for your children switching school systems especially if all their school and peer interaction language is not English.

Obviously you stay where you are.

We are in a different situation as we live in DH's European country, but my mother persisted in referring to our "year abroad" and saying that it was just like a year she and my dad spent in America when my dad did a fixed term locum with no intention of staying and a property waiting in the UK (we sold ours before moving) ... until we'd been here 7 or 8 years... I have duel nationality now and the kids have had since birth.

Good luck with the job hunt where you are, you clearly have no reason to move to the UK (it wouldn't even be moving "back" for the kids if they don't remember living in the UK).

funklymydear Fri 17-Feb-17 11:15:21

Thank you for the replies. i already feel a huge amount of resentment as she knows all of our business, comments on everything we do. if it wer not for her, he would not be so keen to go back, she has a tremendous hold over him.

CommonBurdock Fri 17-Feb-17 15:28:09

Tell your MIL to keep nose out and feel a huge amount of relief instead of resentment. Never ever make a decision where a MIL is a factor, I did and it ruined my life.

juneau Fri 17-Feb-17 15:32:50

Do what is right for you and your DC - whether that's staying or going. Your MIL wants you home - of course she does - but that doesn't mean you have to go. It's your life, not hers.

scaryteacher Sat 18-Feb-17 13:48:02

We are moving back in 2019 when dh's contract ends, and I can't wait. I like where I live, but it isn't my own four walls. That said, I have been here for a decade now, and it's enough.

Gfplux Thu 23-Feb-17 17:43:34

With only two years to an EU Passport and hopefully dual Nationality that is a WIN WIN if you can stay.

RedAndYellowStripe Thu 23-Feb-17 17:54:50

I would have no hesitation. I would stay where you are.
That's because I believe the uk will have some very hard years in from of it economically and you won't be feeling the effect of Brexit in the same than here.
I would be looking at how I could be sure to stay where you are in two years time instead.

But truth to be told, you have a massive MIL issue there (and maybe a DH issue too) rather than an issue with moving back or not to the uk

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