Considering a move back to Oz

(18 Posts)
singme Fri 20-Jan-17 10:05:40

Just looking for advice from those who have moved overseas for their partner mainly!

Myself and my DH lived in Australia for 2 years and returned to the UK 2 years ago. We came back because it was only ever planned to be two years. I spent the first year we were out there incredibly homesick, even though I loved it there. I visited home once and at the airport back to Oz vowed to myself that I couldn't do this again! But then when I landed I went for a lovely walk by the water with my best friend, looked at the huge sky and felt so much better instantly. But maybe that was because I knew at this stage I was definitely heading back to the UK?

Well we've been back for 2 years now. My career has gone pretty well, I have a job I love. DH has had knock back after knock back in his career and is feeling pretty low about it.

We live in an amazing city, have access to the (cold) outdoors and generally have a nice life. Considering DCs soon.

But I know DH would go back to Australia tomorrow if we could. Our jobs were less busy, we got paid more, had more time off.

But I would just miss my family so so much. I've got friends here and out there who I'll miss either way.

If DH doesn't get the job he is going for this time, I really think we should consider moving back. I love it there too and miss it lots, but I'm fairly sure if DH was happy here I would be happy to stay. Will I resent him if we move? Maybe he needs a career change, or we need a flat with some natural light during the day!

OP’s posts: |
smellsofelderberries Sun 22-Jan-17 03:37:27

We are the other way around, though not in the same situation. I am Aussie and had lived in London for 8 years, DH is English and we moved back to Aus last August. I was in the third trimester with our first child, and having my family so close by has been a godsend. Things went pretty well with delivery but I have had some problems since, which has also taken quite a toll on me emotionally, and the ability to have my Mum pop down for a few days (we're in two big East Coast cities) for just a few hundred $$ has really saved my sanity. You say you're considering having children, how do you get on with your in-laws? Would they be an adequate substitute for your own Mum and Dad if you needed a bit of support after little one arrives?
On the same foot, I have found the medical care here to be head and shoulders above what I had in London. I ended up needing 5 days in hospital after I gave birth so had a private room so DH could stay, food was really very good compared to food on the NHS and I have had amazing support from my GP and almost immediate access to specialists postnatally for the issues I've faced. I would not have had that in the UK. (We were only supposed to be here for 2 years but I have already told DH I am very reluctant to move back until our family is finished, because the care here has been that good). This was all through the public system too, not private, so we didn't pay anything.
No one can tell you if you will resent him if you moved, but you do need to think about the support you will want when you start a family. If you can afford a decent sized place in Aus and wouldn't mind your Mum and Dad coming to stay for a month or two after you have a baby, then that's one thing. I would NOT have coped with my Mum not coming or, alternatively, having to come for a month to justify the cost/flight times. I love my Mum in small doses smile
I think we will probably end up moving back to London in a few years (unless we try out another city in Aus first and I take to it a little more than I have to Sydney!) but at the end of the day, there are always huge losses to wherever you live when you're in an international relationship. It's just figuring out where those losses are slightly less and you can cope with the fallout.

singme Mon 23-Jan-17 12:55:00

Thank you for the thoughtful reply! I'm sorry it wasn't clear in my post that DH isn't actually from Australia. He's moved around loads in his younger years but his parents are currently in the UK too. I think they would be more able to visit us out there than my parents though, but I'd still miss them too. So we would have no in law support at all. I can see from your post that having your mum not too far away really helped you and I think I would be the same.

I guess it depends what happens with DH's job. I miss Australia, our friends out there and the lifestyle, but not sure that moving away from family support is the best idea. Hopefully as we get more settled where we are now things will become more obvious! We are lucky that we had the opportunity to live there for a bit, can't really moan that now we miss it!

Hope you are enjoying the summer and feel more settled in Sydney or wherever you choose to move to! smile

OP’s posts: |
farangatang Mon 23-Jan-17 15:01:33

OP it sounds to me like you value having family nearby more than the relaxed lifestyle. Unfortunately, once you live abroad - especially if there are many things you love about it - it is easy to feel more discontented back 'home'.
You can always make the decision to move again in the future should you still find yourself thinking about it longingly!

Newbrummie Sun 29-Jan-17 12:50:04

I've found it really hard to settle in the uk, I'm financially better off but bloody miserable with the weather and seeing all my friends enjoying life out there

Newbrummie Sun 29-Jan-17 12:51:01

The economy isn't great out there though, lots of unemployment

HelsBels5000 Sun 29-Jan-17 12:55:40

I'd choose Australia over the UK to bring up my children - every day of the week!


Aebj Sun 29-Jan-17 13:15:54

I love it over here. We moved here with my husbands job. We had our first visit back to the UK in June/ July time last year. It was the first time in 7 years. I don't miss the UK . Our visit back made us realise how lucky we are here.
The class sizes are smaller. The local school has to take your child. Private schools are cheaper.
The health service is great ( testing it out now ! But that's a whole different story!!)
If we moved back to the UK we don't know where we would go. Friends and family all over the place.
Youve got to do what you are happy with

Aebj Sun 29-Jan-17 19:44:41

Are either of you looking at working in the mining industry? A New Zealand company is looking at investing billions at an iron ore mine near Port Headland WA. You could become a FIFO family for awhile. Worth looking into

Newbrummie Sun 29-Jan-17 19:47:44

Aebj that's interesting all the kiwis in Perth will be heading back then ....

Aebj Sun 29-Jan-17 20:22:24

It'll be great for WA. They said they will build a new rail link in the area first and then start mining.
I'm in Perth and there are loads of Kiwis here!!!!
In fact it took me about 6 months to find an Aussie!!!

Newbrummie Sun 29-Jan-17 21:04:36

Lol lots of Scott's and irish too. I'm counting the days til I can go back so let's hope this is a mining revival

writergirl747474 Tue 31-Jan-17 06:13:55

I moved to Sydney 7 months ago after meeting my DP on holiday. He's English but has been here 20 years. There's nothing much I dislike about Oz but I miss London so much - mainly friends, family, hobbies etc. Some weekends I'd happily teleport from Bondi to Peckham. Sounds crazy I know, but.....

I work freelance so that's carried on as normal but I realise at some point I will have to ascertain where I should be "basing" my business, paying tax etc (all still in UK at the moment). Thinking about all that is quite stressful, as is the partner via application process. I own a flat in London which I never want to sell either - gives me options but potentially a source of stress too .

So I am in two minds. In my head I can't see it as permanent here - London just feels like home. And it's so expensive here - keeping up gym and tennis costs three times as much as home, food twice the price etc and I am earning the ever-worsening pound. Buying a property would always be impossible.

But I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet and no idea how DP would really feel about moving back - he jokes that his ideal would be six months a year in each country. That's actually do-able for me in my freelance status but he has a "proper job"....

I can't really contemplate staying here without regular visits home - I went back in September and next visit planned for June (Oz winters are crap). However I know if I went back in UK winter I'd hate the eternal darkness and cold - I love the weather in Oz. For now, I think I am mentally giving it two years and just trying to enjoy it as a hiatus from normal life.

I realise that probably doesn't help the OP at all - just to say I am equally torn. No DCs in the plan though which does make things easier, and both of us are English - he has a big family back in the UK so if we did move back that would be great for him.

singme Tue 31-Jan-17 11:27:26

No it's quite comforting to hear that others are in a similar position. I guess I will always been torn between the two, and life will pan out as it's supposed to. It's lovely to have the option really, and to have had the experience of living abroad too!

OP’s posts: |
24kmagic17 Tue 31-Jan-17 22:10:41

DH is English and I moved to the UK for him. I'm so homesick for Sydney. I have it in my head to move back in 2018 but now the thought of having my first baby in Australia, has me wanting to return this year!

I love the tip about buying new stuff to send over. Did any of you have any issues with broken glassware or crockery?

Would you ship a car over ?

ifink Wed 01-Feb-17 09:02:41

hmm, so so so so so so hard. We lived in Australia for 4.5 years and became citizens. It was fantastic although took a good 2 years for me to really settle and love it. I have friends there that I consider family. We met so many Brits who had emigrated as well and had no immediate family around so you kind of make your friends your family. I miss them dreadfully but I'm back in the UK now and to be honest I'm really happy to be back amongst old friends and family. Its raining and cold but I feel at home. Many people can't understand why we came back - 'all that sun/beach/outdoor lifestyle etc' they say, but it wasn't home.

Newbrummie Wed 01-Feb-17 09:26:02

There's a site somewhere on the net that calculates if it's worth bringing a car or not depending on age etc

24kmagic17 Wed 01-Feb-17 22:52:04

Thanks brunmie, I will google it.

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