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Feeling so lonely and thoroughly depressed

(12 Posts)
feesh Sat 20-Aug-16 15:15:07

I've been an expat for quite a few years now. I am generally a very positive and independent person and I relish each new posting. But this time I am really bloody miserable and I need someone to kick me up the bum.

We moved to another city within the GCC about 3 months ago. The summer here SUCKS, and obviously I know the score, so I have just tried to ride it out. I know things are going to get better when winter comes. And the kids start school next week, so I have only got another week left to go until life starts getting interesting.

So I should be feeling a bit more positive. But honestly, being stuck indoors with the kids for the whole summer (bar a quick trip home) has been so bloody utterly miserable that I don't even know how I am going to survive this coming week.

Where we lived before, the summers were just as bad, but I had friends who would come over and as long as I had something to look forward to, I was OK. It's the lack of friends that is killing me.

I have kind of tried to make new friends, but I don't know if I am getting old or what, and this sounds awful, but I really can't be arsed any more. I want friendships to evolve naturally and the thought of forcing myself to get out there and start from scratch has been a bit much.

I am so, so down that I can barely even be around my kids. I just want to crawl upstairs and go back to bed every day. I am being awful to my husband and I just want to be on my own the whole time.

Please can someone either give me a massive kick up the arse or offer me some advice? I'm really struggling and the thought of getting through another week is just about finishing me off. I wouldn't mind, but actually weekends are just as tedious.

magimedi Sat 20-Aug-16 17:03:59

I am not an expat & can't offer much help but wanted to bump the thread for you.

You do sound very down - could you be depressed as well as fed up & would a trip to GP help?

Am also not sure what GCC is - am assuming you are in the Middle East somewhere & summer is intolerably hot?

lamii Sat 20-Aug-16 18:25:34

@feesh
Hi! Where have you moved to?
I think we underestimate the importance of having friends. And starting over it's just tiring to start over everytime you move to a new place.
how long are you going to stay there?
I think the best way to deal with a place you hate is to know that you move again. So it helps to make the best of it. If you know you won't be there for ever, maybe try to find things you like there? Just to kill time until you move again.

fatowl Sat 20-Aug-16 20:23:50

Hi Feesh
(Also not sure where GCC is)

I've been in Asia for 12 years and going back after the summer break next week and thoroughly depressed about it. I'm leaving Dd2 behind for uni and just don't want to go.

We have two years left (on our master plan to move back mortgage free) but most of my friends have left and I just can't be arsed to start again with newcomers coffee mornings, esp as we now have an end in sight.

Sometimes the next two years seem unending, sometimes when I'm more positive I think " that's only six terms".

No magic answers sorry but I'm with you

TheFirie Sun 21-Aug-16 00:29:12

I think the OP is in one of the Gulf countries. GCC stands for Gulf council cooperation of something like that.

I fully understand the OP. You get fed up of starting over and over again. And some countries are easier than others.

Try to make the best of it. Can you join a club with the kids? Are you in a compound? Look for expat association or group on Facebook, browse the consulate or embassy website for links to the cultural groups. Not only the UK one, but look at the French (we are usually very welcoming to anyone), Italians, Americans, ... The feeling you have now won't go away on their own, you have to kick them. Give it a chance, you might be surprised.

pinkhousesarebest Sun 21-Aug-16 01:50:06

I am not an expat as such but we do live in another European country and this is our first week back and no more visitors coming. I too feel pretty bleak. Should organise something but when you have been with friends who have known you all your life, new friendships weem pointless and a lot of hard work. Things will get better when the term begins and it cools down ( I remember the cabin fever when you are stuck inside because it's too hot to go out). Could you prolong your holiday in the Uk next year to avoid this tail end, miserable bit of summer?

InTheDessert Sun 21-Aug-16 04:58:49

Hey feesh. I'm guessing I'm over a border from you, living in that massive bit in the middle of the peninsula.
Totally frowned upon here, but (((((((((cakebrew)))))))))
You must have moved around the start of Ramadan, and gone straight to school holidays?????? Loads of people missing here still, as most schools arent going back til after Eid.
I know it's not going to change instantly, but I'd guess you've pretty much seen the place at its worst, so things can only get better. More people will show up, you'll find some aquantances who aren't hard work, and some friendships will evolve.
How old are the kids???? I'm thinking swimming in an hour or so, then a DVD. That should get us to lunch.
After lunch, I get some paints or craft out. Then it's not too long til DH comes back.
Hope you find something positive about today.

feesh Sun 21-Aug-16 19:39:14

Thanks guys. I am feeling a little bit better, I only have to survive a few more days of this. And I KNOW we are going to be happy here - I'm not feeling negative about the place as a whole. I think winter will be amazing and I am really looking forward to it. But I just want to fast-forward through this crappy bit where I don't know anybody and I can't be arsed to make any new friends

Sorry, yes, I am in the Gulf, have moved from a crappy bit to a decent bit of said region. But I do actually miss the 'we're all in this together' camaraderie of the last place. Having said that, I am quite committed to living here for the long term - Brexit has put paid to any plans we had to go back to the UK, so I have invested heavily in making this house homely and have even put pictures up (never happened before!) and invested in things like wallpaper which mean we are committed to staying in this house for a long time!

I just really hate small talk and I'm an introvert and this part of the process really sucks.

habibihabibi Sun 21-Aug-16 20:02:42

What about looking for a job ?
I have a love/hate relationship with working but it gets me out of spending the WHOLE day doing the school run , hanging around for Carrefour to open , thinking about going to the gym , dull coffee dates ,talking more than I should to the drycleaner + wasting hours on the internet .

TheFirie Sun 21-Aug-16 21:13:35

You never know. It might start with small talk and you could discover an amazing person.
Losing friends is part of our life. We make so many goodbyes and we lose a bit of ourselves every time. I find it harder and harder. I am also becoming older and people my age, already have their friends, hobbies and work and very little time.
I am in Sydney, well in the Northern Beaches, so an easy country and a beautiful suburb but still I spend a lot of time at home (chasing spiders and snake), I can't be really bothered. I organised tons of playdates for my kids because hell they didn't ask for this (again and again and again) and soon enough their life filled with friends and our easy going, bring as many friends as you like style became popular.
So job done, kids are happy and settled after almost two years. Me, honestly no. I miss my friends, my family, the European-history filled cities, but I have made friends, through a couple of bookclubs mainly.
I do many many courses on Coursera and EdX. Kids might be happy but being schooled in another language (their fourth country/language + the one we speak at one) , I still need to be there for school work, so me working will have to wait till their are fully independent in their studies.

So I have been where you are, so yes you will find peace. But you have every right to vent. Have a good day!

ohdearme1958 Fri 26-Aug-16 14:46:52

Im in a GCC country.

A very nice one.

Id be happy to meet for a coffee if we're in the same place.

My children are all grown up but I do have 6 grandchildren all living within 5 minutes of me and O man, its fabulous. ;)

InTheDessert Fri 26-Aug-16 17:00:35

O boy did you win the lottery there, ohdearme smile Want to swap???

feesh, your half way through the weekend. When is school back???

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