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Depressed about relocation

(89 Posts)
f33lingsad Mon 04-Jul-16 15:37:54

We're due to relocate in a few weeks. I'm getting increasingly depressed about it. I'm on the verge of tears all the time and I feel so sick I can barely eat. I'm watching the kids leave their schools and saying goodbye to friends and I don't want to do it. It's been hanging over us forever and now it's here I can't do it. I've started to wish I'd get really ill so I'll be stuck in hospital here and unable to go (not good).

It's for DH's job so I never had much of a choice in the matter. I don't really know anyone out there except him (I'm moving my job out there but don't know anyone in that office).

Any tips for feeling better about it? What are the good things about leaving your home , your family and everything you've worked for for the past 5-10 years?

Miffyandme Mon 04-Jul-16 15:43:56

Ah, you poor thing. I relocated for DH's job (though not abroad as it sounds like you are doing) and it is hard but it was the right thing. I see the positives as being that we did it as a team, I supported him in his career (and like you transferred jobs) and that we have made a new home here and are gradually getting a network.

Maybe the fact that it's been hanging over you and is finally here could be a good thing? That may sound daft, but it may well not be as bad as you're imagining.

There is an expats area here on the site - I read it from time to time as we were possibly going abroad. Might be worth a look?

Other positives I see are giving the children a different life and opportunities.
No real magic wand solution I'm afraid, maybe make a list of positives so that you can remind yourself. It is really hard to leave though. Someone said to me that you almost need to grieve your old life and home....seemed a bit much, but I can see her reasoning.

Good luck with it. The actual time of coming up to moving and the move is a huge upheaval so it's quite normal to be feeling a bit overwhelmed.

VioletBam Mon 04-Jul-16 15:44:54

Is it to move abroad OP? Or within the UK?

Miffyandme Mon 04-Jul-16 15:45:21

Well, there you go - you have posted in the overseas section. Sorry for teaching you to suck eggs! It came up in active threads for me.

VioletBam Mon 04-Jul-16 15:46:22

Oh...and you don't HAVE to go. There's nothing apart from your marriage keeping you from deciding to stay. I had to move...I personally needed a change though it was hard to leave DC school and my friends....but I mostly embraced it. I knew I never HAD to go though. I could have said "Sorry DH...I'm staying here."

VioletBam Mon 04-Jul-16 15:46:56

Oh yes! I see. Abroad. Where will it be OP? If you don't mind me asking.

SummerLightning Mon 04-Jul-16 15:49:59

I am in the same boat. Where are you moving to?

I'm mostly looking forward to it/ though slightly terrified. Though I have had a total overreaction the past week to all the Brexit stuff which suggests I am not quite as calm about everything as I let on....

Hariasa Mon 04-Jul-16 15:54:40

We're moving abroad soon too and I have totally dismantled my life to do it.

I love my DH so there's no question that we wouldn't go but I am a bit nervous.

It will be an adventure
It's a wonderful opportunity to live in a different culture
It's a wonderful experience for the children.
We'll have more time together as a family.
Think of all the new friends we'll make
It will be sunny! (Currently tipping it down here)

SummerLightning Mon 04-Jul-16 15:57:23

Everyone I speak to is so positive about me moving it makes me feel better. (They say all the stuff that Hariasa says) Lots of them say they are jealous.

If you are miserable, can you come back? Is it permanent?

Ancienchateau Mon 04-Jul-16 15:57:31

Poor you. I sympathise. Whereabouts are you going? Can you put a time limit on it , say 2 years, and then if it's not working for you, come home?

Motheroffourdragons Mon 04-Jul-16 16:02:23

I did it this time last year, like you I was absolutely terrified. I had to leave my 3 adult children (early 20s) behind and move with just my husband and youngest. I also had to give up my job, which has been weird but actually quite nice. Are your kids going to international school? If so they usually have welcome mornings for the parents as well as the kids, and may run a buddy family system where they pair you up with another expat family with kids in similar grades/years.
Despite my fears, I have actually got involved in the school, made quite a number of friends from lots of countries and it's not been nearly as bad as I feared. My son was in y12 when we left so has effectively had to repeat a year due to the change in curriculum, and he has fitted in really really well.

It is an adventure and I still think I am on an extended holiday smile

mumhum Mon 04-Jul-16 18:42:26

Where are you going OP? I was you 6 months ago but now in Switzerland and loving it.

3littlebadgers Mon 04-Jul-16 18:50:03

Us too op. My biggest problem is leaving dd2's little grave but also worried about my living dc. The country we are going to is not the most secure at the moment and we don't get a say in going or not.

I have also had thoughts about 'if I get ill DH will have to go alone'!

I completely sympathise, it is hard not having any say over your own life flowers

Hariasa Mon 04-Jul-16 19:21:06

3littlebadgers flowers

f33lingsad Mon 04-Jul-16 21:29:23

Oh Badgers that must be the toughest. sad flowers

It's to Munich, notionally for 2 years though Brexit means I'm not sure what will happen.

I wanted to stay but the kids have found being apart from DH really tough and I've found doing it all on my own really tough he's been there and only back at weekends for 6 months.

I just feel so exhausted already. I haven't got the energy to throw myself into all the new stuff.

3littlebadgers Mon 04-Jul-16 21:48:20

F33lingsad, let's hope the anticipation is worse than the actual going.

We're off to Ankara.

Will you still have a base here?

3littlebadgers Mon 04-Jul-16 21:51:31

Hariasa, you have such a lovely positive attitude to going I'm sure it will be a big success for you and lovely opportunity.

f33lingsad Mon 04-Jul-16 22:10:52

We're hoping to rent out our house out but that's another thing Brexit has thrown into doubt.

3littlebadgers Mon 04-Jul-16 22:19:13

Let's stay here together and live on a self sustainable commune wink sod Munich and Ankara, and sod Brexit

f33lingsad Mon 04-Jul-16 22:23:50

I'd like to sleep a lot. And sit about doing nothing.

3littlebadgers Mon 04-Jul-16 22:25:08

That can be arranged.

SummerLightning Mon 04-Jul-16 22:58:01

Sorry guys. It is tough and flowers for you badgers
We are also trying to rent out our house. Am hoping Brexit will not affect that but who knows?!
So much stuff to do.

waitingforsomething Tue 05-Jul-16 09:41:21

Hi op. I relocated in March for my dh job. I didn't want to do it and felt much like you- awful about all of it.
I'll be honest, I don't love being so far from friends and family it's tough.
But it's not forever, and there are loads of good things about exploring a new country. The kids will adapt quicker than you expect
Munich is only a short flight home- you could go back regularly and expat communities are often friendly

sayatidaknama Tue 05-Jul-16 09:52:07

I think if you are only going for 2 years it will work well if you see it as adventure. I presume the DC will go to International schools? 2 years is not really worth it immersion-wise (for you more than anything) unless you are already German speakers of course. That makes a big difference. With the whole international school thing comes a ready made social life and lots of friendly faces. Munich is also a great city. You'll be in the heart of Europe. There is so much to visit, practically on your doorstep. Cheap flights for friends and family to come and visit. Two years will whizz by.

ShutTheFuckUpBarbara Tue 05-Jul-16 12:46:33

Munich is a great city!

You will probably settle in quite quickly. Germany is very similar to the UK culturally so it helps. Aside from the obvious differences (like the language), most things are similar : same series on TV, similar foods in shops (and what you don't already know is identifiable) etc.

I say this as a French citizen who settled in England a few years ago. One of my friends who grew up in rural China had a much harder time, as well as the language she also had to learn about values, social etiquette, etc.

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