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Am I just always going to feel homesick?

(9 Posts)
allegretto Sun 24-Apr-16 10:02:32

Hi - I have been living in Italy for the last twenty years and have had some ups and downs. At the moment I am in a down and feel sooooo homesick for the UK. No way can I go back though. Am I destined to feel homesick for the rest of my life? sad

crazycatladyonthecorner Mon 25-Apr-16 10:31:56

I have made a really conscious effort to focus on what's good about where I am. I have spent way too long feeling homesick and negative about our adopted country. I have been here 6 years and like you won't be going back to the UK.
I removed rightmove from my browser which was a huge thing but I needed to stop thinking that I was ever going to have a life in the Uk again.
I 'make' myself speak the language and don't always start off in english.
I 'make' myself watch local TV and have stopped 'only' watching english speaking programs.
I 'make' myself think of positive thoughts about where we are rather than always comparing to the UK.
It is hard and I think it will always be hard, but I have spent 6 years feeling lost and lonely, miserable, angry and depressed that I had to do something to make me feel in control of my own life again.
I may still end up sitting in a corner rocking back and forth, drooling and taking jibberish, but I won't go down without a fight grin

Bebespain Mon 25-Apr-16 14:34:03

Another one here.

I have been living in Spain for almost 10 years and I have always felt homesick....lonely, miserable, angry and depressed just as crazycatlady describes. Such a ridiculous amount of time to feel like that.

I am having a particularly bad time at the moment and I´m not sure whether my 10 year anniversary has something to do with it. Thinking about another 10 years is a real killer for me.

We are also highly unlikely to ever go back to the UK and I am finding that very hard to accept.

Thanks for the tips crazycat lady but I´m not in fighting mode at the moment sad

Ancienchateau Mon 25-Apr-16 15:50:48

Well I'm a fine one to talk, having started a thread about my never ending homesickness some time ago grin, but one thing that stops me completely tipping over the edge is the knowledge deranged assertion that I will go back one day. Other than that I have no advice other than to be insanely positive about life where you are. Like crazycat I find only speaking the lingo makes me feel more part of things. I've started hanging out with more locals recently. flowers to you all, it is an utterly horrid feeling. Bebespain, I think I "know" you from our 2006 days. Sorry it's so tough right now for you.

MrsNuckyT Mon 25-Apr-16 15:56:25

Really interesting to hear from those who are desperately homesick but would never go back. Why wouldn't you back? Is it circumstances outside of your control, or have you just made up your mind and sticking to it?

allegretto Mon 25-Apr-16 16:00:36

I can't go back as DH won't and I don't think he is ever likely to change his mind (for a start he has already chosen his plot in the local graveyard......). I do speak the language but find it actually harder atm than when I first arrived. I am thinking maybe in retirement we could get a holiday home in the UK? Of course, we are probably not going to be able to afford to retire given the state of the Italian economy...

MrsNuckyT Mon 25-Apr-16 16:10:48

That's really hard. I really feel for you and don't have any advice.

Jecan Mon 25-Apr-16 17:14:27

Another one here.
I like catlady's advice & will use it as I think the fact that I'm not fluent after so many years is adding to me feeling miserable.
I'm lonely - I have a nice group of expat friends who I see once a week as they live in another town but in between those meet ups the phone just doesn't ring. If I was in the UK I'd have no trouble making friends but something here is making it difficult. If I was in the UK I'd know where to go to meet people or I'd meet them through work. If I was in the UK I'd have my old friends. I'm really idiolising my old life in the UK which isn't helping here.
So I'm going to try to take control of the things I can change here - I'm going to force DH to speak his language with me sometimes, I'm going to take up some exercise classes in the hope of meeting people & im going to look for some more work (I work very part time just now & only have 1 colleague!).
I know this doesn't help your homesickness OP but I wanted to tell you you're not alone & you know there'll be another "up" coming

Jecan Mon 25-Apr-16 17:16:51

I can't go back unless I divorced dh (and I love him so won't) and uproot our dc who are all settled in school here.

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