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Move to Australia

(11 Posts)
Mothpop Tue 15-Mar-16 22:21:13

DH's job is moving to Canberra for 2 years in a few months time and we (myself and 2 DDs) are all moving. DH works away during the week and so this will be the first time I have lived full time with DH for 14 years.

We have to pack up our newly renovated home that I love and take some stuff with us whilst leaving the rest in storage. Our lovely cats and chickens will be heading elsewhere. I have always worked full time as a quite well paid, professional and I have had to give up my job. I am giving up everything - my home, my career, my few very important friends. I really feel very down about this.... but in truth I have felt down for much longer.

I can't help but think this move will be quite literally be make or break for our relationship .... what happens if it's break and I'm stuck on the other side of the world with DDs and have no support network.... ? He will be received at his new place of work with open arms whilst I am just the person in the background with no one aside from our DDs.

Are these misgivings part of the natural process when you're faced with something like this? Or should I really be bouncing around as DH thinks I should be?

Any advice gratefully received.

TheAussieProject Wed 16-Mar-16 01:42:11

What about him going for two years, and you staying home in UK, keeping your job and just going to Oz for long holidays.

I am been an expat wife for many years, many countries and languages. Not easy and Australia has proven to be quite hard. Because it is far from everyone and everything and the time difference is a killer. If you are feeling down now, it will get a lot worse. It can become very lonely here and all this hard work isn't maybe worth it if you are here just for 2 years. We arrived 18 months ago and I am just - only just - starting to feel ok. Friendships take time to build and homesickness fades. Why go through that much suffering for 2 years.

Our couple suffered from the move. And we were a strong couple. From what I read, yours is not. Think long term, what if you break up and he wants to keep the kids in Oz. You don't have an income, you are not very strong in the eye of the law.

HerRoyalNotness Wed 16-Mar-16 01:54:38

I wouldn't be going if I couldn't work. Our latest move has been a nightmare for various reasons. I've worked for about 9mths of the 2.5yrs and am currently unemployed.

DH almost had a breakdown last year and wanted to split up. I was up shit creek with no job, no savings, young DC. I think the only thing in my favour was us not being able to stay here without him, and I planned to leave the country somehow with the DC and move back to our 'home' country. Things have improved, but I feel very vulnerable indeed, and still without work.

If you do go, work, make contact with an expat group the moment you arrive for friends and support. Don't sit at home while your DH is out at work or at work activities etc..

As an aside, is it a construction project you're moving for?

diggerdigsdogs Wed 16-Mar-16 03:23:39

I wouldn't go.

I second everything the AussieProject says. I have been amazed at how hard it was to make friends in Aus - all of mine have been expats or returning Aussies. My experience is of people who live in their own little bubbles and are unwilling to allow others in (and I've lived in Sydney and now Perth).

As an expat of a few decades I put my hand on my heart and say do not go with a rocky relationship. What if after two years he decides to stay? You'll be stuck.

KiwiJude Wed 16-Mar-16 03:52:46

In your situation I wouldn't go. It's only two years, and I say only in so far as he is working away at the moment and you haven't lived full time with DH for 14 years so weighing up giving up your entire life versus not seeing him so often, I'd be staying right where you are. Do DH know how you feel about leaving your life behind or is he caught up in the new job? It's a tough one.

ICJump Wed 16-Mar-16 04:58:34

Canberra is a bit of different city to the rest of Australia. It's almost full yof not local. So there is a much more welcoming vibe. I'm almost canberra so can help with suggests of linking in to thing. I'm assuming your partner is either defence or dip core and if that is the case you ll likely end up with a ready circle of friends.
Canberra is also close to beach and snow, lakes, rivers, camping, culture, food, theatre, wineries.
Can you get work visa ? What's your field ?
None of that will help I guess if you're ni

ICJump Wed 16-Mar-16 04:59:05

Sorry toddler posted it.

ICJump Wed 16-Mar-16 05:04:51

What I wanted to go on to say is that none if the benefits of the move will matter is your relationship isn't working already. What a difficult place to be in.
Have you been able to talk about what will happen if you don't like it?

HPandBaconSandwiches Sat 19-Mar-16 06:39:40

I'm amazed you're going. We're in the process of looking at moving to Australia and it's rather terrifying even though we're both excited and on the same page.

I wouldn't go without a job.

I wouldn't go with a relationship I'm not secure in.

Sorry to ask but do you know about The Hague convention? So if you change your mind after a couple of months (or even a day) and want to come home, you can't bring your British born children home without your husbands permission, divorced or not. Ever. Very strict. You'd be charged with kidnapping if you tried. Please think about this.

If you've been unhappy for a long time perhaps it may be better to focus on what's making you unhappy and change that first? Just because he wants to go doesn't mean you have to.

Good luck.

Simmi1 Sat 19-Mar-16 06:44:45

I've just made the move to Melbourne 3 months ago and am finding it very tough to make new friends etc. I wouldn't do it.

MiniMover Mon 21-Mar-16 15:19:06

Is it a temp visa or a permanent visa? If temp you can legally come home with your children if it doesn't work out. However, if you all go over on a permanent visa and your marriage breaks down you cannot legally bring your children home. Please be aware of this before you go. Check where you stand legally.

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