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Experiences of moving 'home' - how hard will it be?

(5 Posts)
Bue Sat 05-Mar-16 15:41:32

Interested in other people's experiences of going back to their home country after years away. I'm Canadian, DH is British and we have 7 month old DD (born here in the UK). Although we've always talked about moving to Canada, more and more it had seemed an abstract concept. Now though, DH has accepted a fantastic job opportunity in a beautiful part of the country (with my full support) and it looks like I am headed home after 12 years here.

So why don't I feel excited? I'm having trouble even acknowledging the move and am feeling terrified and actually a little bit depressed about it. I feel very British in a lot of ways, I have made good friends here and we have a very nice life. Financially we are likely to be slightly worse off in Canada (in the short term anyway), there is a lot of red tape for me to practise my profession, and we aren't even moving to where I'm from - it's halfway across the country to my parents and friends! Plus the idea of taking DD away from her paternal family and my sister (who lives in London) is very sad. Also for some reason the idea of DD not having a sweet little English accent is making me upset confused

I think I'm still determined to do it because if we don't take the plunge I'll likely look back and regret it one day, and DH is so keen to go. But has anyone else felt like this before moving home? I am prepared for major culture shock but I'm also wondering how long I can expect that to last? Or are these feelings a sign that we shouldn't go? I should add I'm a very cautious, indecisive and analytical person. I'm a mess!

kiwiscantfly Sat 05-Mar-16 17:38:41

We spent eight years in the UK and three years ago moved home to NZ. Our eldest DD was born in the UK and we had quite a few close friends there, but no family. DH got an excellent job in the city we lived in previously, half way between both our parents. I was so happy (DH would have stayed in the UK forever happily) to come home and buy a house etc etc but it took 18 mo for me to truly feel at home again. That was when our second DC was born. I have made a few friends but could do with more, making more of an effort now DD is at school. I think working will keep you busy and help you settle quickly. I've also joined a committee and started playing sport again which has been fun.
HTH

crazycatladyonthecorner Sun 06-Mar-16 08:39:04

It is the not knowing whats ahead, and having no ( or a very limited amount) control over how you will feel/react/ cope with that is probably causing so much angst Bue
I am also cautious and I like all my ducks in a row before I make Big decisions. I don't like surprises ( I'm a nightmare at Christmas)
My fantasy filled scenario about returning home means that all those doubts, fears & uncertainties can be pushed to the back of my mind. In reality those same doubts, fears & uncertainties are keeping me from making a move.
Stay and regret not returning home. Return home and regret not staying put.
Have no words of wisdom I'm afraid, just Good Luck smile

DangerMouth Sun 06-Mar-16 10:08:54

We are in a position for us to move to my home country after 7 years in London. We have 2 dc and no family and very little support (ok none blush) but l am still unsure.

I really love my job, but I'm currently on mat leave and there are some obstacles for returning. If you had said to me 5 years ago I'd be stalling returning home l wouldn't have believed it.

I want to be near family though.

I think if l can't return to my job we'll make the move but l worry l will always think we were 'pushed' instead of returning when we wanted.

Bue Sun 06-Mar-16 20:16:05

Thanks all for your perspectives. kiwis I'm glad it's worked out for you. I am prepared for it to take some time to settle in and when I'm wobbling I'll try to remind myself that I used to feel this way in the UK!

crazycatlady I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm quite an anxious person in general, and anxiety is all about the fear of what might happen. I'm just constantly playing scenarios round and round in my head.

Danger good luck with the decision. Same here - several years ago we made the decision to postpone a move to Canada that we were considering at the time, and I was very upset. Bizarre to think that now I'm dragging my feet.

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