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was anyone really stressed then it was fine?

(15 Posts)
waitingforsomething Wed 23-Dec-15 18:10:41

We are moving to Singapore for 18 months or so in March with DD who will be 3 and a bit and DS who will be 8 months.
I'm really stressed. I'm giving up my teaching job for this although I know I'll find another when we get back, I'm worried about my DD who is a bit sensitive to change, I'm worried about the flight with the kids and the jet lag, about renting our house out, about being able to find a bit of work when I get there (I don't want to be sahm all week if I can help it). I will miss my mum and my friends- I'm just not a natural risk taker. Dh is so excited and he loves an adventure - he can only see the positives. Whereas I'm trying I'm finding it hard to get past the negatives. Has anyone ever been worried about it all and then had a brilliant time?

MyFriendsCallMeOh Wed 23-Dec-15 19:20:25

Different people view things differently and whether you are a risk taker or more risk averse, it's not wrong, it's just the way you feel. I lived in Singapore 3 times for a total of 9 years (twice before dcs and once after, dd2 was born there and dd1 was 3 when we moved).

I love moving but I do find that fore warned is fore armed and make sure I know lots about a place before I go. Flying with kids is fine, you'll get though it. Use the movies in flight, load up an iplayer with movies and games for your 3yo, make it into an adventure for her. We told our 3yo that she could swim outside every day and that was the big draw for her. We spent a while looking at Singapore online, the places we could visit and we made a list. We also took photos of her friends with us so we could look at them and talk about them when we got there. We didn't really skype anyone once we were there, within 2 months she couldn't remember who they were! Kids (even the change averse ones) are much much more resilient than we give them credit for. Whichever nursery or school she goes into in Singapore, they will have seen it all before and helped thousands of expat kids settle in. Remember too that she will take her cues from you so if you can be more positive, it will make it easier for her.

Will your mum or your friends visit at all? Singapore is a brilliant place for visitors, there's so much to do and see, public transport is excellent and of course no language barrier. So easy to get to Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia etc too. Skype is so easy to use, will your mum do this?

Find some groups online for when you get there. This one is great for mums of under 5s and there will always be someone hanging by the pool to chat to. Find facebook groups. Do you know where you want to live? Where your dh will work? Schools for your dd? If you get planning, it will all start to feel a bit more real and a bit less scary. I haven't been scared about a move but I haven't met anyone who wishes they haven't moved....

waitingforsomething Wed 23-Dec-15 20:32:34

Hello, I'm not sure exactly where we will live; dhs company will put us up in temp accomodation for 2 weeks while we sort it out - I believe an agent is the best way of doing this. When I know where we will live then I can arrange a little pre school for DD. The outside swimming promise will probably work for her too!
I am glad you've never met anyone who wishes they hadn't gone that makes me feel better!

Laptopwieldingharpy Thu 24-Dec-15 00:09:49

Here is another thing to worry about....you may not want to come back!
Good news is, if you are a qualified teacher you might find a very good job yourself in those 18 months!

MyFriendsCallMeOh Thu 24-Dec-15 04:51:59

Oh and jet lag, go with it. If everyone's awake at 3am, crack open the milk and cookies and stick on a dvd. Always sleep with curtains open, get up at 8am regardless and if you need to nap, never nap past 2pm. Keep active and outside during the day. It's not that bad if you don't let it frustrate you too much.

waitingforsomething Thu 24-Dec-15 06:48:48

Ha thanks laptop maybe that will be it! I am indeed qualified although in a more minor subject but perhaps I'll find something

waitingforsomething Thu 24-Dec-15 07:06:05

Oh and yes I hope very much that my mum will visit- she's a teacher but has school holidays. My siblings also live abroad so she'll be spreading herself thinly! I will miss her as we are close and she would never say it but I think she's a bit upset we're going which makes me feel bad.
I hope my pils will also visit and my door will be open to any friends who can afford to visit and would like a holiday

Lalux Thu 24-Dec-15 07:17:12

The International Schools are always looking for supply teachers. A few of my friends did it and could pick and choose and for some it led to a fixed contract. We like so many went for 2 years and stayed for 8. Singapore was our first overseas adventure and honestly turned out fine. I think your worries are all completely normal and as long as you are realistic that some days you will absolutely love it and other days you may wonder why on earth you agreed to come all will be goodsmile.

SeoulSista Thu 24-Dec-15 07:27:44

The flight will be fine. Frozen on loop will sort you (voice of experience!)

I agree that getting a job as supply teacher won't be a problem.

Agree that swimming every day is something that helps children settle.

I would start looking at potential areas to live in now. March will come very very quickly and the more prepared you are the easier your transition will be. Commuting times can be Long in peak hours so living close to an MRT line or Expressway may be important to you. If you can narrow your search area your agent will be able to help you much more effectively. It might also help you pinpoint suitable pre schools.

DesertOrDessert Thu 24-Dec-15 07:36:24

Yes. We moved earlier this year (not to somewhere amazing like Singapore tho). The preparation and not knowing exactly what we were going to was awful. DH went before me and the kids, so I did 2 months on my own.
The first few weeks, I needed a nap every day (we got there as everything shut for 2 weeks, so DH was off, and then kids in school, arranged in those 2 weeks), and since the it has been great.
Go, see what it's like, and buy a copy of this book, which was recommended to me by the MNing author

DesertOrDessert Thu 24-Dec-15 07:39:11

And flights will be fine. The first flight my be horrendous with the 3 yr old, as its too exciting, but after that, it doesn't really phase them. I've just done long haul, 2 flights with the 6 and 4 yr olds on my own (again). They didn't sleep more than 4 hrs in 36, but were fine apart from that.

waitingforsomething Thu 24-Dec-15 08:24:48

Oh I didn't realise they would want supply that would be perfect. Feel better now. I wish I was a more adventurous spirit like dh but I don't want to pass up the opportunity because I'm a wimp so it's going to have to be ok!

CherryPits Thu 24-Dec-15 13:13:51

Also its such a short time you'll be away, it will go in the blink of an eye. If you try to be relaxed about it, your DD will take the lead from you. If she sees and hears you getting stressed, she will do the same. So even if it doesn't quite feel like an adventure to you, its probably helpful if you can present it to her as such.

When you fly make sure you have a couple of changes of clothes for each of them, and some small plastic bags which can be sealed with any mucky (bodily function type mess) clothes to go inside.

We rented a huge house when we first moved to the US, in the hope that people would stay. No friends wanted to visit but we did have both sets of parents and having the extra space was a god send. I don't know what housing is like in Singapore, others can advise you on that.

Good luck, I hope that it proves to be a wonderful time.

waitingforsomething Thu 24-Dec-15 13:27:00

Thank you- I'm definitely painting it to dd in an exciting light.
Dhs company are giving us 6000 singapore dollars per month for accommodation which our research shows will allow us a 4 bed in certain areas.
I've also applied for the one job currently advertised in my subject at a school called Dover Court starting in August. I don't know how competitive it is but I may stand a good chance and that gives me a few months to settle children and myself before starting a job.
I think part of my fear is I am one of those rare teachers who love it and I am a bit sad about leaving my school. But, ive been there since NQT and it's time for a change so this is a good chance.
Dh is positive and pro active and this is geeing me along. And he's promised me a long weekend in Borneo next Christmas when my mum will be visiting and can look after the children smilenow there's something I couldn't do if we didn't go right?

mumhum Sun 27-Dec-15 09:33:35

Feel exactly the same with an upcoming move to Switzerland, similar age children. I have the Clara Wiggins book recommended by PP, amusing and helpful.

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