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DH wants us to go to Oz for a year, maybe more... is he daft?

(19 Posts)
victoriasplums Mon 15-Jun-15 07:32:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeijoaSundae Mon 15-Jun-15 07:36:38

Well, it's certainly easier without DC. But the cost of relocating anywhere, let alone to the other side of the world, costs a bomb. And I don't just mean financially. Seriously, it is a huge undertaking.

Tell him to research it properly first, and come to you with an actual plan, costs, timeline, etc.

Otherwise, why would you be interested?

whizzbang1 Mon 15-Jun-15 09:33:36

I would 100% do it, but that's just me. Not even Australia in particular, but different cultures, different places etc.

But it's not for everyone. How about looking at it from the other angle: When you're 80 years old, will you look back on life and regret not having tried something different / out of your comfort zone?

Good luck.

Scotinoz Mon 15-Jun-15 11:03:50

Australia isn't all it's cracked up to be. Expensive, terrible politics, crappy un-insulated and single glazed houses which are freezing in the winter, flights back to the UK are crippling with a family...

That said, it is lovely and has a lot of good things.

Research carefully but I'm all for trying out new places.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Mon 15-Jun-15 11:06:03

Could you afford a long holiday to do some serious on the ground research re costs and lifestyle ?

stolemyusername Mon 15-Jun-15 11:14:59

Sounds like a pipe dream really.

I know that when we made the move unless you were sponsored by an employer you were expected to have money to live on in the interim following the move and I think that at that time it was $10,000 per family member (although they did make an exception if you owned a property you were trying to sell).

I can't imagine how much money it would cost to travel over here, set up in a rental, find jobs and then give it all up and come home again in just a year. Depending on the visa you apply for (and I think that you have to be under 30 for the year sponsored visa), you might have to pay for school places for your children which in a public school will only provide them with a classroom and teacher, you would need to supply everything else from glue sticks to text books....

But despite all of this I would look into it, get all of the information as the reality might prove that you can't afford it/doesn't actually appeal opposed to always wondering 'what if', or you might decide that it's actually pretty amazing (it is wink)

castlesintheair Mon 15-Jun-15 12:40:47

I'm pretty sure you have to be under 45 to get a work visa so you're ok on that front. Not sure about year visas. Think you need to prove you can fund yourselves as pp said.

Without wishing to sound rude, is your DH maybe having a bit of a mid-life crisis? I think its very common to reach mid 40s and feel a bit bleurgh. Whilst you have your family and friends, he doesn't have so much to keep him in UK. Is he bored at work? If you plan on having DC soon you might regret being so far from your support network esp in the early days.

Don't wish to sound negative but I have seen plenty of friends up sticks and emigrate for all the wrong reasons only for it to go completely Pete Tong because they were homesick or found it just wasn't the answer to all their problems (for want of a better word) after all.

echt Mon 15-Jun-15 15:19:31

Expensive, terrible politics, crappy un-insulated and single glazed houses which are freezing in the winter

Sounds like the UK.

However, Au isn't a paradise, so lots of research needed. A year as a try-out is not long enough and still expensive. Be very careful.

FeijoaSundae Mon 15-Jun-15 17:02:55

Expensive, terrible politics, crappy un-insulated and single glazed houses which are freezing in the winter

LOL. Australia doesn't have the monopoly on that.

You might love it, you might hate it. But it's a huge undertaking.

FeijoaSundae Mon 15-Jun-15 17:05:56

Another point - 'they' say it takes a good two years to settle in anywhere new. That's an average, some people take less, some people take a lot more.

A year is a rather random amount of time to live somewhere, and for the amount of organizing, and the cost involved, for a year, it hardly seems worth it.

Two years would probably give you a more realistic idea of whether you could see yourselves living there, and would make the hassle and expense a bit more worthwhile.

Tweennightmare Mon 15-Jun-15 20:38:08

To be honest I think you would be better planning an extended holiday . See if he even likes Oz . maybe just a mini adventure will appease your DH's wanderlust I also think you need to sort out wether you are planning a family or not as given your ages your window of opportunity is narrowing. It would be a nightmare starting a family while also trying to rebuild a new life as well as quite expensive if you end up throwing away all your maternity entitlements!

SanityClause Mon 15-Jun-15 20:45:01

Expensive, terrible politics, crappy un-insulated and single glazed houses which are freezing in the winter

LOL. Australia doesn't have the monopoly on that.

No, indeed. The Tory MP on Any Questions on Radio 4 on Saturday was expounding on what a wonderful solution to a "refugee problem" Nauru and Manus Island detention centres are. He suggested the UK might do similar somewhere in a North African country. Watch this space!

saffronwblue Tue 16-Jun-15 05:38:54

Forgive me for being blunt but if you are 39 and want DC that should be your priority for the next year or two.
How about a holiday in OZ, start TTC and see what the next few years bring?

victoriasplums Tue 16-Jun-15 06:44:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanityClause Tue 16-Jun-15 07:14:32

I think you're right.

Does he actually want children? I mean, you've been together since your 20s, by the sounds, and he is still wanting to do this one last thing before that can happen.

TBH, you sound similar. You say you want a child, but want to make a career change and buy a property before you do so, and you are already 39?

And what if you did say, well, I want to TTC? How would that conversation go? You tell him you want to start to TTC. He replies that he wants to go to Australia first. But, you have handed the "planning" of the trip over to him, in the knowledge that he will never do it. So you can't TTC, until he sorts out the Australia trip, which, we all know, is never going to happen.

You sound as though you have wafted along, without really planning anything, and you need to realise that some of the things you vaguely hoped might happen, may now never happen. (But, no doubt other good stuff has happened, so you need to learn to accept that, and move on.)

victoriasplums Tue 16-Jun-15 07:51:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YonicScrewdriver Tue 16-Jun-15 08:00:40

Ok, a baby is not gojng to just come along. You need to stop using contraception! And I think you need to do it now if you are ever going to. It'll disrupt your career less than a random year in Australia. DH could always take the bulk of parental leave or you could take 3-6 m in total.

EvilSidekick Tue 16-Jun-15 09:46:39

I am a firm believer in you can have everything but not always all at once and it takes careful planning. If I were in your shoes, I would start TTC as you don't know how long that might take and whether you may need any asssistance. Simultaneously I would be researching moving to Oz. Friends of mine who have gone have planned it for years before it happened due to saving, time for visas to be processed etc. You may not get in, you may have the baby and realise they're hard work and want family support in the UK, or you may have a baby and decide you want to offer that child a different lifestyle and take them to oz. I had a friend on a 5 year visa to Oz. She thought of it as her home. Her friends in UK all had kids while she was away and lives changed then her visa expired and wasn't renewed. She is now back in UK with no career, struggling financially and feels she has nothing in common with her old connections to uk. Oz is a huge country so you need to think carefully about where you would go. I have friends who are medics who got visas, but could only get jobs in the middle of no where and are taking them with the long term plan of getting jobs eventually in Sydney. That'll mean another move for them and the kids in a few years. Will you be able to afford to come back to the UK of it doesn't work out? Why not have a baby here then go to Oz for a few months during maternity leave? Try it out. If you can't afford to buy in uk why do you think you'll be able to buy in Oz?

RepeatAdNauseum Tue 16-Jun-15 10:05:53

If a baby came along that would be great, if it didn't... I might be ok with that. Not sure.

This isn't a Disney movie, a stork isn't going to drop a baby off. You have to take steps to have one, or take steps to not.

You are doing yourself a big disservice to not decide. You are procrastinating away one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make.

It's fine to want children. It's fine to not. You need to know, though, or you risk waking up one day and realising that you did want children and now it's too late.

You both need to ditch the wishy-washy plans and decide what you are doing. Do you want children? Does he? Do you want to emigrate? Is it a possibility, if your husband really wants to go, or a definite "no"? Do you want to own a house?

Make some decisions and make some plans. You are sleepwalking at the moment and that always comes with a rude wake-up.

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