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Separating in Australia?

(8 Posts)
SeymoreButts Fri 06-Feb-15 20:42:27

I'm not sure whether to post this here or Relationships, so apologies! Has anyone else been through a separation while overseas? I don't really know where to start.

So I think DH and I are coming to the end of the road. The trust and love has gone for me, I can't see a way to get it back. I've been to relationship counselling on my own and if anything it just reinforced my feelings. Things are amicable between us now but DH really doesn't want to split, I'm not sure how he will react when I say it's over.

We've been in Australia for 4 years. We are all on permanent resident visas, we can apply for citizenship at the end of this year. We have 3 DCs, all happy in school and daycare.

DH is the sole earner, I'm a student for the next 3 years. I have savings that will cover childcare and uni fees in that time and then will be gone. Although once we get citizenship I could get a student loan and preserve some of my savings. Our rent is high and I can't see how we could rent 2 places on DH's salary without moving area and uprooting all the kids, something I definitely don't want to do.

From what I can gather you need to be separated for 12 months before applying for divorce, so until that time DH and I will just have to mutually agree how to handle the money etc?

giggly Fri 06-Feb-15 21:29:33

Sorry not really got any usual information for you however I was in the same situation and decided to come back to the UK to separate as we would not have managed to run 2 households due to high rent/mortgage in Australia.
I realise this is not the solution for everyone, hopefully someone will come along with more helpful advice.smile

chloeb2002 Sat 07-Feb-15 02:03:25

Sorry no real help, except if dh still wants to try then ask him what he is willing up do to try? You got this far?
Just tends to get very messy very fast as soon one of you will want to go back to the and can't, may as well wait and get citizenship to study. No point paying in front fees.
Is it so bad that you can't work through it and get through uni and citizenship too?

LadyCassandra Sat 07-Feb-15 02:21:18

A relative of ours went through a divorce here last year. There is no "blame" in divorce here, so the fact that he cheated on her for 10 years and agreed she could be a SAHM to their kids was totally irrelevant when it came to assets. It doesn't sound like you have a house to split though, and it also sounds amicable (for now) so it may not be complicated in your case.
Not much help sorry. I hope you and your kids are ok

SeymoreButts Sat 07-Feb-15 04:59:10

Thanks all. I think DH is at a place where he's willing to try anything, for the last 10 years he has always believed we'd never split up, despite me threatening to walk out on a few occasions, and so hasn't changed his behaviour. Now it's a reality he can see how damaging that has been. He's had problems with alcohol for a long time and has subjected me to some fairly shocking abuse while drunk. I don't know how to get back to a place where I love him again, but maybe a lot of marriages are a bit loveless at times. I know he loves me though. sad

Staying together until I graduate is probably the sensible thing to do financially, I will be working at the end of the course but nowhere near as highly paid as he is.

chloeb2002 Sat 07-Feb-15 09:03:24

Once you qualify will you have a better job prospect?
Just often a change in power basis in a marriage can be a change in the "rules".
That said an abusive relationship isn't one to stay in. Either he stops drinking or ships out.
Hope you are ok!

timer Sun 08-Feb-15 17:12:36

Would you stay there or want to go back to the UK? It's very difficult to come back unless you both agree, so be prepared for that.

SeymoreButts Wed 11-Feb-15 08:53:36

Thanks chloe and timber I think initially we would have to stay here while I finish my course. Our eldest DC will be 12 by the time I finish so I'm not sure how she would cope with the move home at that age. DH did say he wouldn't be keen to stay here if we split though.
DH and are both going to counselling individually next week. I think he's letting himself off the hook because when he abused me he was drunk. But whether or not he meant to do it, the effect on me was the same. He was drunk on Friday night and I found it quite uncomfortable because it reminded me of the times when he's done some awful things. Anyway, I'm rambling now. I should prob post in relationships!

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