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Help I'm really struggling.

(126 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:13:01

I recently moved to a very poor country where my husband comes from and it's been a complete disaster.

Our flat is ok, good standard but we have no money and my parents in law are taking over my life and my children.

Children are beaten here and I don't like this but no one seems to care what I think or feel.

We don't have a lot of food and what we are eating / drinking is making us ill as we have constant diarreah and nausea. Today we don't have any more drinking water so I have had to boil the tap water and we are drinking that. I don't have a car or any money so I can't go out. We have 3 eggs left and that's it. My husband has gone out to look for money. I have no more nappies for the baby.

I feel such a fool as I've given up an OK life in the UK for this - being promised it would be for the best.

I haven't seen my 4 year old since yesterday afternoon I think he is with my sister in law.

I just hate it here and I really don't know how I can get out. I don't have any family of my own to talk to and I just keep bursting into tears every 5 minutes!

JeanSeberg Thu 15-Jan-15 06:15:41

I'd make plans to get back to the UK ASAP. Is your husband likely to oppose that?

antimatter Thu 15-Jan-15 06:17:37

How fare are you from the nearest British consulate?
Do your kids have passports?

AndMiffyWentToSleep Thu 15-Jan-15 06:19:14

That sounds horrendous! You need to get back to the UK. Not sure what to suggest in terms of how though, sorry.

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:21:42

Yes they have British passports but he has them.
I really don't know what he would say I would probably better leave with the kids when he is not around.

There is a consulate in my city but what would I say? I'm an idiot and have moved here with no money?

What do I do when I arrive in London as well with 2 young kids. I've been out a few months so would the government help me?

I'm kicking myself for being such a fool.

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 15-Jan-15 06:24:19

Why on earth are you allowing your children to be taken off and not returned to you when you are not even sure who they are with? Are your husband's family beating your children, and why isn't HE stopping them?

Is your husband a muslim and is it a country with Islamic laws? If it is then you need to tread very carefully if you think your husband would oppose you leaving. In certain Islamic states you will not be allowed to leave without his prior permission and you will not be allowed to take your children with you if he wants to keep them there. If you think this might be a problem then DO NOT tell him you plan on leaving.

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 15-Jan-15 06:26:44

Presumably you have family and friends in the UK if you've only been gone a few months?

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:30:17

Yes I don't think it would be easy to leave with the children without his permission. I also don't have the same surname as them.

There's nothing I can do with the children - he took the older one yesterday to his sisters and didn't bring him back overnight, I called him this morning to ask where he is / when he can come back and he just said "he's fine".

In the UK my husband was quite liberal and didn't ever hurt the children but things are different here and if the older one does something they think is wrong yes they smack him as that's "normal" here. I try to intervene but I get pushed away.

I have told them I want to raise my children my way but they just say that's not how they do things here.

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:31:39

I don't have any family but I have a few friends I'm not sure they can really help me though as we are so far away.

lunar1 Thu 15-Jan-15 06:35:42

Would you be able to get money together for a flight back? And which country are you in, will they let you an a plane without your husbands permission?

Nolim Thu 15-Jan-15 06:37:16

Go to the consulate and find out about your options, then plan accordingly to get away with your kuds.

Nolim Thu 15-Jan-15 06:37:32

Kids not kuds.

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 15-Jan-15 06:38:09

So they child is with her father, not just with some random relatives.

I am sorry to say you seem to have fallen into a classic trap of marrying a man who liberal and moderate and charm personified in the UK but reverts to type the minute he's off the plane and has you right where he wants you.

It's hard to think of something positive to say really. sad

I think your best bet is to play act. Pretend you are happy, pretend it's working for you, keep up the pretence for as long as it takes for you to suggest a visit home so the children can see their grandparents, and then refuse to leave the UK again.

If you give your husband even the slightest hint that you want to take the children and leave there is a real risk that he will force you to leave without them and you may never get them back. PLEASE BE VERY VERY CAREFUL.
Where are you?

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 15-Jan-15 06:38:49

child is a boy, sorry

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:42:18

No my son is not with his father he is with my sister in law I think. I phoned his father to check on him and he when he is coming home and he just said he's fine.

I'm in the Middle East.

It's not really safe for me to go out alone and I literally have not a penny. If I want something I have to ask him to buy it for me.

I know I'm in a bad situation I just needed to let it out.

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:43:32

Yes I will be careful.

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:44:09

If I don't post it's because I have run out of phone credit.

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 15-Jan-15 06:46:11

Do you honestly not have any family, or are you just feeling to proud and to embarrassed to ask for their help?

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 15-Jan-15 06:46:46

Whereabouts in the ME? I am here too.

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:48:17

No I actually don't have any family of my own as I grew up in care.

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 15-Jan-15 06:49:19

Tell me where in the ME you are. Do it by private message if you don't want to say on the thread.

Chandon Thu 15-Jan-15 06:50:17

Hello is spot on.

Start planning

HelloItsStillMeFell Thu 15-Jan-15 06:51:07

Are you able to get out to internet cafes and do you have internet access at your home?

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:52:31

SA sad

mamaplusbabies Thu 15-Jan-15 06:53:17

No I can't get out of the flat.

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