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I don't want to go back to England

(17 Posts)
feesh Sun 14-Dec-14 10:19:16

I'm a trailing spouse. We are in the Middle East and I am really happy here. Been here 4 years, haven't worked (I was at a crossroads in my career when we left England anyway, being bullied and glad to leave my job) and we've had two kids since we have been here, so I am now a SAHM.

Our life in England was crap. Because of my husband's job we could only live in the London area. Crazy commuting plus massive mortgage made us wary of having kids, so the opportunity to move overseas was very welcome and we grabbed it with both hands.

DH has suddenly started freaking out about his career and possible redundancies here and is absolutely dead set on going back to England. He's started applying for jobs in London and it's only a matter of time before he gets one.

His reasons are quite valid - things aren't looking good here and the longer he stays out of the British jobs market, apparently, the harder it will be to ever get back into it.

I know I have no choice to suck it up, and I am trying to be my usual positive self, looking at nice places to live etc. but I really, really don't want to go back to England. Moving to another country isn't really an option either (we have discussed it, but DH says his lack of degree is quite limiting). So I guess I just have to get on with it.

I just wondered if anyone else had been in the same position, and if so, how you coped?

EsmeGruntFuttock Sun 14-Dec-14 11:56:10

We returned to the UK and wish we hadn't. Once you come back you are often stuck here. Sorry to sound negative. Could he transfer within his current company to another country?

feesh Sun 14-Dec-14 15:05:08

No that's not an option unfortunately, his current company doesn't operate anywhere else.

chloeb2002 Sun 14-Dec-14 18:40:40

You don't need a degree to come to Aus. My dh is senior management here. His intital 457 visa was experience based. They view duration in a job higher than a degree.

butterfliesinmytummy Sun 14-Dec-14 20:13:35

I feel for you. We went back to the UK (Scotland so not technically my home country) after 12 years away ... we left again and have been overseas again for 7 years now. It wasn't our choice, dh's company sent us there, but we have no wish to return. You sound like you are prepared to put a brave face on it but I completely understand where you're coming from.

Is your dh in the oil and gas industry (sorry for being nosey but I see ME and assume...)? The industry is really going to take a hit in 2015/16, to be honest it's best to keep your head down and fingers crossed. Most of the multinationals have or are in the process of introducing hiring freezes.... Good luck.

LIZS Sun 14-Dec-14 20:19:32

I'm afraid that is the nature of the expat beast. You simply don't have control of your lives especially if you are living somewhere where a right to stay is work dependent. Unless he has linguistic skills or international contacts best to come back to UK, regroup and take time to plan again. It might even be a good time to resettle if your dc are young and before the property market takes off again. A lot of expats prefer UK schooling to that available overseas, which may be a consideration if your dc are approaching this age.

Shenton Tue 16-Dec-14 06:20:02

Oil and gas is tanking in Australia. Honestly don't come here for career prospects ... Weather yes, career no

Hairylegs47 Tue 16-Dec-14 06:27:37

I know how you feel and I wish I could be of more help.
Sadly, this is the expat life, the only certainty is the uncertainty!

Have you looked at Oman for openings? It seems pretty steady here. In the 'booms' it just plods on and seems to pretty unaffected by the busts.

Good Luck!

doasIsaynotasIdo Tue 16-Dec-14 19:34:34

We have just moved back from Hong Kong after five years there. I loved it. Life was near perfect - great school, job, friends, weather etc, and living in a amazing city with wonderful travel opportunities. We had to move back for DH's work. I miss it. Every. Single. Day. However, like you, I had to suck it up as we had no other viable options of where to go other than England. Our daughter will also need specialist medical treatment in a few years, something we could never have got in HK. Life has been better in the UK than I thought it would be, and some things are positively refreshing, like cooler temperatures and fresh air after the pollution of Hong Kong. However, given the choice, I would go back to Asia in a heartbeat if it was possible for our family long term. However, given our situation, we have decided to stay put until the kids have finished school. They love being closer to family, and as I said, my daughter will soon need medical treatment which we would struggle to get elsewhere. My dream is to settle abroad again once our kids are independent. In the meantime, I look for and enjoy the positives about being back, reminisce about our time in HK, and daydream of a future abroad again, even if we have to wait a decade plus for it to happen. If moving back really is the only viable option you have right now, try and look for the positives about it, and make plans for the future, both short and long term, even if they cannot come to fruition for many years to come. Good luck.

doasIsaynotasIdo Tue 16-Dec-14 19:49:53

Gosh, reading that back, I sound so negative, sorry. I have managed to cope with being back by trying to be mindful of all the really good things on a day to day, moment to moment basis. As I said, reading back my last post made it sound as though I spend one half of my time pining for the past and the other half looking to the future without actually enjoying the present. Whilst I do reminisce, and I do look forward, I try to focus my thoughts as much as possible on the present, and on making a life for myself and my family in my new city. I tried to see our move here as our next big adventure, as we have come to a city which neither myself nor DH know. Whilst it is certainly not as exciting as Hong Kong, (!) I am managing to find small pleasures and joy in amongst the homesickness and upset. There is always good to be found in any move, and I hope that wherever you end up, you will be happy.

EsmeGruntFuttock Tue 16-Dec-14 19:58:49

You sound in a similar situation to us doas. We may stay put in the UK until youngest DC finishes school which is 8 to 10 years. It's a looooong time. I'll be mid 50s, DH is 5 years younger. I wonder if I'll really feel like uprooting and starting again then but I really hope so.

Of course, in the meantime, something irresistible may come up...!

Kelly1814 Thu 18-Dec-14 19:12:36

We are in the Middle East and love it too. I never want to return to the uk.

Could he start his own business? What about another job in the same sector?

britishnurse Thu 01-Jan-15 12:07:59

We lived in the USA for 4 years and returned to the UK in 2008 and have regretted it eversince, we had a great lifestyle, great friends and generally had fun. Our 2 dd,s were so upset when we moved back acted up. Long story short we are returning to the USA I have signed a contract with a previous emp;olyer who will sponser us for visas etc. I would say anyone thinking of moving back to the UK think long and hard, once your back it is not always easy to move overseas again.

MrsSchadenfreude Fri 02-Jan-15 23:05:55

We came back to London kicking and screaming, and are really enjoying it. You might be pleasantly surprised, although I guess if you are coming from the ME, your lifestyle is going to take a bigger hit than ours did, as we were in Europe, as are the salary and perks.

I've lived in expat bubbles (have been an expat since the age of 21), which I imagine you are living in now, and can only say that "real life" has more charms for me. smile

Threeplus1 Fri 02-Jan-15 23:26:29

We are expats in Canada and are planning on moving back to the UK in 2016. This is something I do worry about. We do have a great life here and there are just so many opportunities for the kids, but we are also homesick for family and don't want our kids to lose that connection (it's too expensive for us to fly home every year).

I'm torn because I do want to go home, finally buy a house and allow my youngest one (and the one on the way) the opportunity to get to know family properly like the older two did. But I was just speaking to a lady today from England who said she moved back to the UK after 20 years here, only to move back here 2 years later despite having no family here at all. She just missed it so much.

I also have a friend here from the UK who is living here for the second time too....

papooshka Mon 05-Jan-15 12:03:46

We moved back from overseas in July after 12 years away, mainly for financial reasons but also for family and also we felt that we had exhausted our time there.
Now back in the UK, and whilst its great to see family and old friends, and the kids are very happy at school (and its free!), I am really struggling. Our old life seemed much more fun and glamorous and we had a great social life. It seems so much harder to meet people here (I am not in my hometown) and it feels like we need to reconnect with old friends. I know it will take time but at the moment I feel like a fish out of water and lost.

pupsiecola Mon 05-Jan-15 16:11:58

Just PM'd you papooshka. It does get better but it takes a long time...

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