End of expat life and moving back to UK

(9 Posts)
theladyinbed Tue 06-May-14 05:04:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OP’s posts: |
pupsiecola Tue 06-May-14 10:19:13

Hi there,

Gosh, as you say, what a welcome committee! Are you returning to live in a house that you rented out before you moved overseas?

I wonder if you can move to another area? When we came back last year we moved about 40 minutes away from where we used to live and it's perfect - far enough away, but close enough that we can see those friends/family we choose to see (and the others for short spells!).

I feel for you. Neither DH nor I have good relationships with our respective families. Sounds like they are being very mean and oblivious to the fact that you're no doubt on a complete emotional rollercoaster as it is. Never mind the logistics etc.

exexpat Tue 06-May-14 10:39:20

Are you moving back very close to your family? Do you absolutely have to?

I moved back to the UK after 12 years overseas, and for various reasons did move back to my home town, within a few miles of my parents. This has been good in some ways - the DCs have much more of a relationship with their grandparents than they did when we were the other side of the world, and also see more of cousins because my DSis comes down to stay with our parents regularly; I got some childcare help when we first moved back - but I have also found it a bit difficult because of after years of independent adulthood (I left home to live abroad for the first time at 17, and after that only returned for visits), only speaking to my parents roughly once a week, my mother now calls me every day and wants to know every detail of what I am doing, which I find a bit stifling. But my parents are elderly and disabled, quite possibly won't be around for very much longer, and their social life is increasingly restricted, so I don't feel I can really step back too much at the moment; I am also increasingly having to drop everything and help out when one of them is in hospital and so on.

I don't really have any advice as everyone's family situation is different, but I would try starting out as you mean to go on in terms of visiting etc - if you feel the level of contact/involvement in your life was too high when you were last living here, then don't immediately plunge back into daily contact when you arrive back.

Longdistance Tue 06-May-14 10:45:35

What lovely family you have hmm

Do you have to move back to your home town?
I'd be seriously thinking about starting afresh somewhere new.

chloeb2002 Tue 06-May-14 11:14:59

Somewhere new.. We left the uk and the upshot of that was complete alienation from dh's family. If we were to even consider moving back to the uk then it would be untenable to continue in our relationship. Lucky we are settled and happy!
Family dynamics are generally harder when you are close to them! hmm

castlesintheair Tue 06-May-14 17:08:01

When you move away people get used to you not being around and so get on with their life without you. Similarly, when you have been away, experiencing a different country/culture/life it can be hard to pick up where you left off. It changes everyone and everything. Putting some space between you seems sensible and even more so given their unwelcoming attitude.

ancientbuchanan Tue 06-May-14 17:14:27

Extraordinary behaviour from them.

I'd try to move somewhere else, but throw two parties, an evening one and a lunch time one, and invite family and friends.

And just keep saying, with a fixed grin,

It's lovely to be back, how nice to see you.

Say nothing more! Except to talk about the weather.

It's impossible to argue with, and you have made the first move.


WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 12-May-14 21:01:24

Sounds like jealousy to me.

People split into two groups for me - those that were happy and excited for you, came to stay and had a great time etc

Then those who were just a teensy bit envious, and always tried to put a downer on your life and experiences. They either make no effort with you or come over and complain about everything.

Sadly sounds like this part of the family is in the latter camp.

I would move to within a commutable distance for GPs but enough space to keep them out of my social and family life on a day to day basis to be honest.

dirtybanana Tue 13-May-14 07:40:07

Hopefully once you've held a "homecoming bbq/party" and invited them all along and given them some token gifts, you can ignore all the drama and get one with your new lives back home.

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