Hi Freedom! I posted the following on another thread about being 100% behind a move abroad with your partner last month. As we moved to the US, hopefully some of this will be useful to you too. Sadly, it's probably the negative stuff that may be of more use - but they're just things to think about and given that you have US heritage anyway, you'll find it all a lot easier than I did!
One thing I would insist on, with hindsight, is paid for UK flights each year. DH's job is not an expat job but there was some room for negotiation and we should have pushed for this as it gets pricy to make return trips. I'd echo Want re the leave situation - and check anything else such as maternity/paternity leave if that were something that could arise. Bizarrely (to me at least), DH will get 4 weeks' paid paternity leave when DC2 is born later in the year - because the women where he works get four weeks' paid maternity leave...
I don't know if you've seen it, but there's also a Living in America 2013 thread, that you could post on too if you wanted more traffic?
Helza - we must have arrived in DC just after you left. I absolutely agree with everything you've said - especially the weather panic and shopping around! Honestly, we do Trader Joe's, Safeway, Wholefoods, Target and sometimes Walmart!
Hi, in answer to your question, yes, I was behind the move (well, 99%!).
We moved to the US when DD was 9 months old and I was still on maternity leave. I'm currently on a career break from my old UK job and have the option to go back within the next three years.
Good things:
- I was able to stay at home with DD. DH earns more here than in London, so being a SAHM became a reality. We both agreed this was what we wanted.
- The climate is so much better here. We all spend so much more time outside, even just in the garden. Local parks and facilities, including pools, are excellent and generally free to residents. DD and I will be spending most summer afternoons at the pool across the road from the house we rented.
- The role is excellent for DH is terms of career progression and should lead to other excellent opportunities. These will benefit us as a family.
- We have kept our old flat in London and rented it out. Whilst we are not making a profit, we have kept a base in the UK, mortgage history etc.
- We have made some great friends here, from a wide variety of backgrounds.
Bad things:
- I don't agree with a lot of US politics, at all. I find Guantanamo abhorrent, the gun laws ridiculous and I have never lived in a more racist, sexist country (bar China). It takes some getting used to as you can't complain really as you 'chose' to move here.
- I am a dependent on DH's work visa (H1B). You need to check the kind of visa you'd be on if you came here. I cannot work here, full stop. If your DH gets an L visa, an intra company transfer, you'd be able to get a permit to work. Whilst I was keen to be a full time mum a year ago, right now not having the option to get a job drives me crazy at times.
- Linked to the above, not having the right to work means no social security number, no credit for anything (eg a mobile contract), no rights to anything much at all. It is extremely frustrating to go from being a person in your own right with a career, an excellent credit score, a property in London etc, to being refused a Gap card as you're a none-entity.
- Americans work long hours! DH is pretty much always on call. My Swiss friend says his job (and her DH's) would be three people's roles in Switzerland!
- American mums tend to go back to work and have a very short maternity leave period, if at all. I nearly cried the first time I took DD to story time at the local library as I was the only mum. Everyone else was a nanny. Consequently, my friends tend to be other expats in a similar position to me. I have some American mum friends, who have been extremely generous and welcoming, but they're in the minority when it comes to my friendship group. A lot my friends are either other ex-Londoners or German/Swiss/French.
- Health insurance. I will NEVER get my head around the corruption that exists here in terms of health care provision. The biggest US businesses are the HCPs. My healthcare (and DD's) is dependent on DH being employed, and his employer can choose to change insurance company schemes at any point. Consequently, we'd need to change paediatrician for DD, dentist etc. It's pretty scary when you've been used to the NHS and then the option to top up with Bupa or whoever in the UK. My friend has just had to change OB and hospital at 36 weeks' pregnant as her husband's job changed - can you imagine?!
- Linked to the above, the American way seems to be (IME) that it's your own fault if you're ill or too poor to afford medical care. We are in a major city and homelessness is rife (much more so than the UK).
- The expat community - great in some ways, but people are always moving on. It's hard when DD asks for her little friends and a couple have since moved away.
So - it's been a mixed bag. Culturally, it would have been easier to go to somewhere else in Europe rather than to move to the US, despite the language. We expected it to be easier than it was because of the prevalence of English but systems are so different (tax/buying a car/medical care etc) that it's been a hugely frustrating learning curve. After just over a year, we are all (finally) happy and settled and strangely, after my last trip 'home', I was glad to be back! We're planning on being here for another couple of years at least, so we'll see...
Good luck!