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We had a talk about moving back home.

(67 Posts)
Longdistance Thu 20-Jun-13 12:53:40

Well, as some of you may know, I've been miserable here in Oz the entire time since we came over. It was my h's decision to move over and I feel there was a lot of pressure on me to move even though I wasn't unhappy.

A lot of decisions have been made for me, and it's made me a very bitter and angry person. I'm so miserable here, and have told him this several times. It has in the past fallen on deaf ears.

Today, I had to again ask to see the rental accounts for our house back in the Uk, as this is making over £700 profit each month, and I haven't seen a penny in the 20 months we've been here hmm

So, I got to see them, and apparently we've also been getting dividends on the shares he secretly has and hasn't told me. That's another thread. I could only see the last few months accounts, but am still dubious as to what he's done with the money.

I mentioned to him, that he needed to show me the accounts more than twice in 20 months as the house is ours, not his, as it was pre engagement and me selling my house at a massive profit is to why we now have a tiny mortgage. I then mentioned that it wasn't financially viable to be here, as the one wage he's on is not enough, and me working in my profession doesn't pay very well here, and that gets soaked up in childcare fees.

We never have any money, and seem really poor to what we had in the Uk. He's not had a pay rise since we've been here either. Going out for dinner is a major treat now, as before we'd go out weekly.

I didn't like his comment, as he said that I hadn't given it a chance. It's been nearly two years, and I think that's long enough being miserable. It has effected our marriage, and my gp suggested counseling. I said I've achieved the grand sum of chuff all being here, and I have tried to go out and meet people, through groups taking dd's to swimming, gymnastics, and don't ask about the playgroup <shudders>

I currently have a broken leg, and have had surgery on it. It has been dreadful, and very stressful for all of us, as we not have sil to help at weekends, and occasionally a friend miles away can have our girls for a day whilst dh goes to work. It's been awful, and has highlighted how much I really miss the Uk and all the support we had there.

The resentment towards my h is incredible. I'm so angry with him, and I'm someone who is told I'm always happy, and in a good mood.

He did query how we'd pay for a container, but I really don't care how. I want to go back home and get some work, see my family, my friends, and stop paying ridiculous amounts in rent, and healthcare.

Sorry, that was epic, but he's finally acknowledged that I want to go home. It's taken long enough.

SconeInSixtySeconds Tue 20-Aug-13 15:43:00

Mosman, I have pm'ed you.

long, we shipped back a lot more than we brought out - about 18 cubic metres and I think it was about $5000...

Longdistance Tue 20-Aug-13 13:22:07

Crappola! The container people are coming Friday morning, and I think they'll au up how much it'll cost etc for his company.

Eek, it's happening so fast!!

Mosman Mon 19-Aug-13 15:26:08

No doubt then ill get fined for non attendance

Mosman Mon 19-Aug-13 15:25:39

I won't be paying it I figure what will they do ? They currently send me snotty letter about the "voluntary" contribution and I don't pay that either.
At the end of the day my eldest spends 80% of her time sat in the corner if the classroom reading whilst being ignored, middle one only goes for the social life and little girl is still being given sheets to colour in, in the top five school in the state - in year 4. I honestly think if I left them at home with their iPads it couldn't be any worse.

Longdistance Mon 19-Aug-13 15:10:35

Thanks thecraicdealer Stalk away and join in smile

Scone they knew about dh's holiday, and they're being quite good considering they took his laptop, and have now switched off his phone hmm
He spoke to them earlier, and they're contacting the container company to contact us. They paid for a container out here, and flights. The guy has also said they were giving redundancy from time spent with the company in the Uk.
Thanks for the offer of help. Think we'll just leave it to the container company, seen as they're paying.

Mos it's an utter bitch that they're charging for schools on a 457. It's all about the money here. They'll be charging for oxygen next hmm

Mosman Mon 19-Aug-13 14:45:05

I am indeedy and very interested I currently work with a bunch of clowns.
I've looked into private education and there's very little choice or spaces, which sums Perth up in a nutshell for me.

SconeInSixtySeconds Mon 19-Aug-13 14:43:02

p.s Mosman, I know when the whole Lafha malarkey kicked off there were some people in NSW saying that it cost less to privately ed their children than pay the state cost...

p.s. were you a project managery type person or am I imagining that? Dh's company are apparently recruiting oh the irony as they have just made loads of people redundant

SconeInSixtySeconds Mon 19-Aug-13 14:39:27

Yay! I am so pleased for you Long, I really think we should have a meetup for all the expats when they finally get home.

On the logistics side, if they will pay for your shipping that is great, they don't need to do this under the 457 legislation, so I would get that in writing as soon as you can. especially if the hr guy is out of his depth

Are they being odd about the flights back after you get back from Thailand?

Anything I can do to help please holler. Dh is still in Perth and quite useful so if you need help with shifting stuff just let me know.

<still doing a little dance of excitement for you>

TheCraicDealer Mon 19-Aug-13 14:16:21

Been lurking on this thread for a while and feel slightly like a stalker, but I'm really happy for you! [waves little union jack]

Longdistance Fri 16-Aug-13 14:34:34

I can't wait to get on that plane either.

I'm getting him to try and give it up, but think we'll need it til last minute. It's a side by side American type fridge. It fucking huge like everything else here

After talking more, I'm really cross with the way they've dealt with dh. Really quite aggressive. We're hoping to go on this Thai holiday, as we really need it after me breaking my leg too.

I think I'm doing a swap meet in Karrinyup on Sunday now, to sell all this baby stuff. My sil should be there with me selling her stuff.

Mosman Fri 16-Aug-13 13:18:58

How big is your fridge? I might take it off your hands, it's no good shipping electrical stuff back, always blows within months off being plugged into the English circuits I'm told.
I'm resigned - excuse the pun to being stuck here til Christmas, in saving like made and was working out what my tax refund will be :-) I cannot wait to get on that bloody plane !!!!

Longdistance Fri 16-Aug-13 11:51:33

Well, dh is now on 'gardening leave' and they took his laptop off him hmm, but dh had to grapple the mobile off them as it has contacts in them he needs, and he needs it to find a job.

The HR guy hasn't a clue what he's doing as he's a junior. So he's home til they find him something yeah, right and he still has the company car, so that's something.

I now have an assistant to help me with selling all the baby stuff, and need to look at selling my car and several bits of furniture. He wants to keep the fridge, but fuck knows where that's gonna go in our house in the Uk, as we don't have the room in our kitchen.

If anyone has anymore ideas of how to sell stuff, I'm doing Gumtree and car boot, then I'd appreciate it smile

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 12:58:49

Glass? Glass? Bottle Mos wink

Mosman Thu 15-Aug-13 11:31:00

Nah I'm pleased for you, although ivdobthinkn we should try and squeeze in a glass of wine before you go

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 11:28:15

grin Sorry Mos, it seems my life can be quite jammy at times lol.

Mosman Thu 15-Aug-13 11:23:49

You jammy bugger :-)

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 11:18:51

Thank you Echt smile

I nearly fell on the floor when he told me.

echt Thu 15-Aug-13 10:59:18

Sorted. grin

All the very best, Longdistance

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 10:41:13

OMFG!!!! shock shock

Dh has just been told he's being made redundant. We are now going back to the Uk as I haven't settled here. Hurrah!

His company have to oblige flights and container, and he's gonna see what he can get out of them for dragging us here.

No details as of yet, but told dh to warn tenants we are coming back.

Longdistance Thu 15-Aug-13 01:55:14

Thanks for asking Rosh my legs getting better day by day, very slowly unfortunately. I've ditched the crutches as they get in the way now, but my leg still gets swollen like a balloon after I've been on my feet all day.

Sanity my exact reasons for not applying for pr is so I can come and go. I don't want o be 'stuck' here if the shit hits the fan.

On a lighter note, my gorgeous dm asked when we were coming home, I mentioned it to dh, and he said in a few months after Thailand we can all go back to the Uk. I told him I may not come back to Oz, his face was a picture, like my comment was a surprise confused

SanityClause Wed 14-Aug-13 22:42:07

Don't get PR if you want to leave, as it may well make a difference to your children's status under the Hague convention, if you want to return to the UK with them, and he doesn't.

I'm not trying to say LTB, I'm just saying, don't burn your bridges!

Roshbegosh Wed 14-Aug-13 06:17:00

longdistance how are you today? How's the leg? Hope you are feeling a bit better and able to focus on making plans x

WhataSook Tue 13-Aug-13 08:31:53

Is it possible Long that your H is just wanting to get PR so that if you decide later down the track to go back (or your DC want to) that you are able to?

I've decided to stay in the UK and get ILR now but I've not told anyone (DH still thinks the plan is to move home next year) as once I say it out loud then it's real and I might be stuck here for that length of time. So I'm telling myself that if I'm still here next year I'll apply for ILR and then the year after if we're still here I'll apply for citizenship. But that will be 7 years being here and that thought makes me want to pack up and move home tomorrow!

Could you say to your H that you'll fill the forms out but still intend to go home at the end of the year. You may get back to the UK and think actually now I've seen home and my family and friends for a few months I could go back to and stick it out until you get PR??

SanityClause Tue 13-Aug-13 06:47:38

Oh you poor thing! I'm Australian, and frankly, I couldn't wait to get out of there. I've been back twice in more than 20 years, and while it's lovely to see people, I have never been sad to leave.

When I'm in Australia, I feel stuck.

I remember my family going on (and on and on) about the bloody weather when I first came here to the UK. I soon told them there are more things than weather. Anyway, we never had that magic of snow in Australia. We never really had Autumn, and that wonderful hope of Spring. Christmas is far more magical when it's dark and cold. So, Summer is a bit unreliable? Umm, pop to Spain for a couple of weeks?

The main trouble, of course, is that your H is acting like an arse. You need to get some good legal advice about the Hague convention. Can you just take the DC with you and go? I don't know the answer to this (and maybe you already do) but it's what I would want to know.

I am just shock that he brought back those PR forms, when he knew how miserable you are. Why does he want to stay? What is keeping him there? Obviously, he has some family, and it sounds like some friends from work. But if he is working all the hours god sends, then that's not much fun. I really think you need to get to the bottom of this.

Mosman Tue 13-Aug-13 05:52:20

That's not my understand ifink, my school is rubbing their hands together in glee ... They already charge us $500 in voluntary my arse fees.

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