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Anyone regret moving back to the UK because they were so homesick.......

(160 Posts)
scottswede Mon 20-May-13 16:11:21

Following on from the homesickness threads. I was wondering if anyone had moved back to their home country because they just couldn't settle, only to regret the move back home.....
I know everyone has bouts of homesickness, from every day to only on special occasions, from little things like not being able to buy certain foods to huge hating the weather issues. From taking a couple of months to settle to unbearable homesickness after 10 plus years.
What made you say"I just can't do this anymore"
Was moving back what you though, did you settle in, did you regret moving back, wished you'd stuck it out longer, taken more trips home to quench the thirst.
I am lucky I have the opportunity to return to the UK, with a willing dh (living in his home country now) we are making plans for next year. We have lived here for 3 years and I knew almost immediately it wasn't going to work though we have tried hard to make it, just not feeling the love.....
I know the UK is not the perfect place, but I know we can can a more enjoyable life there.

oodlesofpoodle Tue 07-Feb-17 22:57:18

The sentiment is so kind. Even if you don't or can't pm me because your life gets complicated, I want you to know that I know you care. But life happens. And as much as you mean what you say now, you may not follow through. You have lifted my spirits, made me think that just may be, good things can happen in the future... So thanks for giving me real hope.. A little faith in the goodness of people. That alone, may help me. Please do let me know how life turns out for you? Even if you can't follow through? And I wish you every success at every stage of your return. And sincere blessings! How kind of you to even WANT to help. Tearful, happy thanks.

DeliveredByKiki Mon 06-Feb-17 02:08:58

Oh oodles didn't want to read and run, I'm so sorry you've been through so much. Hope your husband is now getting the care he needs?

Vagabond Sat 04-Feb-17 14:38:15

Ooodles....what an ordeal you've been through. I'm so sad for you. I'm thinking of you and yes...heeding your advice. I've moved from pillar to post all my life and will be thinking of you forever. Wishing you the best for your future. xxx

Newbrummie Sat 04-Feb-17 07:05:47

Well when I get back and get sorted I shall pm you and you shall come and stay with us for weeks or as long as you like smile

oodlesofpoodle Sat 04-Feb-17 05:24:15

Newbrummie & 24magic17 a big thank you to you! You are so kind to show you care!
It's impossible for us to return. We arrived well moneyed up after a lifetime of superannuation and our savings were released (I put every cent of my wages away for the last three years of my working life because I could tell my own health condition was deteriorating -MS) and after arriving in UK & not being aware of potential areas of scamming, we lost 12k all up in housing scams! It happened when we had to change postcodes FAST immediately after the cancer broke through his 1st remission. My husband's cancer prognosis (neither of us smoke and we ate organic and vegetarian for long periods!) was very poor. With a tiny glint of hope if we moved to an area close to a specific hospital and area of medical expertise. Overnight we left our home & signed up for a mobile home in a park. The plot we'd signed for & put a hefty deposit on never eventuated! They never responded. After much hard work we got them to the point of agreeing over the phone to return our deposit. It was obvious after, that they knew our desperate situation and exploited it! And because our real home was in the opposite end of the UK, unlived in, people took advantage of a home full of furniture and totally void of life.
Of course we knew no one who cared enough about us to watch over it for us. And my husband was concentrating on staying alive so we had no choice but to rent a place ourselves, while trying to sell our home.
Because we couldn't be there to keep on the tails of the agent selling our property the house took years to sell ( it was in an isolated village). Our situation now desperate, we sold for less than we bought it for a few years before, plus after us also having spent 30k on updating everything from roof to heating. We lost 55k. Every penny and a debt beyond our savings was lost in a year or two. Then on top of that we were scammed by the mobile home cowboys.
We didn't have enough time nor the emotional and physical energy to try to recoup them via legal recourse.
Naturally my illness worsened to the point of becoming bed bound and on high narcotic meds to control my pain during this time, while my husband (who was and is MY DEVOTED F/T CARER) fought the cancer to gain extra years of life.
A disability charity shares the ownership of the home we now live in. We're grateful not to have to sleep on the streets, but I'm still regretful & sad that we can't go on that holiday back home (Aus was my home 50+ years). OR return there for that matter, or go on the romantic cruises we'd dreamed to take in our fifties and sixties, or to be able to go out for a meal together even. Instead, I'm having to seriously contemplate getting some groceries from a FOOD BANK! Like the clients I once looked after!
I'm sorry to sound so negative. I know I'm clinically depressed but l can't get the regular help I need from a psychologist (mental health is a field totally lacking recognition and funding in the UK).
I know too, we've much to be grateful for. However, we'd not worked long & hard jobs (I was in child protection as an example) to end up in the poorest echelons of society and having to beg for charity. I'm angry that unscrupulous people had the opportunity due to lax laws not protecting the naive or vulnerable in the UK.
I feel like an idiot.
Who moves the other side of the world expecting, but not checking first, that our finances and social health would be protected and upheld by the laws of that land? Silly us,...that's who!
I guess I just wanted to take my man back to his Homeland. I believed his medical treatment had to be the same or superior in Europe. I grew up believing that the UK was the superior Motherland in every way smile probably my immigrant parents were homesick!
And I didn't realize the need to be watchful for scammers. I fully expected that the Laws here would protect us from scammers.

I was negligent. I didn't ask enough, check enough.
We were so much in the shock and grief process (we lost parents, siblings and adored pets around the time of hubbys original diagnosis in Australia also), in short we were in an emotional mess and it never occurred to us that people would exploit our grief and vulnerability.
I knew the pitfalls to avoid in Australia. I didn't have the life skills or local knowledge for the UK.
So, please learn from our experience, DON'T MOVE WHEN IN SHOCK OR GRIEF STRICKEN. Unless you are moving to be closer to trusted family & friends.
So THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS NO TO BEING ABLE TO GO BACK HOME. Unless we won a hundred thousand, it'd be impossible for me to ever return home in the future to live again. And SO, for now, I go into every competition offering a holiday in Australia and cash smile If I knew I could still return for a holiday every year or two, I'd be able to cope more happily despite everything.

There's a big part of my brain yelling at me to be realistic, to consider how fortunate we are to have permanent housing, to LET GO of our past life. I'm trying, I really am! It's MY HEART that keeps whispering memories of warm dirt beneath my bare feet, of broad vistas, room to breathe the clean eucalyptus air of my youth and of smiling familiar faces calling greetings as I stroll along the beach. The image glows warm in my heart. FORGIVE me here for not being PC BUT I've had to pass the pain to God in prayer, or its heaviness would crush me.
No matter your belief system, I think anyone reading this would understand my need to do so. It's imperative I try to enjoy the now, not a pipedream.
Thanks again for reading this. It helps that people cared enough to write. Bless you sweet people! smile
I do hope this confession STOPS SOMEONE making the biggest wrong decision. No matter what it is, wait. Let grief pass first.
Enjoy your days! And maybe whisper a little Prayer for me smile Thanks again.

Turfey21 Thu 02-Feb-17 13:12:34

Hi everyone,

I came cross this post as I was searching for how easy would it be to move back to the UK.
We left the UK almost 2 years ago and knew we would not be our new country forever and had planned to give it 5 years and then we would return home.
For me the start to settle here was difficult, I missed work I had two small children, one was in the international school and I felt alone but I got through it.
However we are now seriously considering moving back this summer as our daughter is not settling here as we would like. Yes she is happy but not as confident and settled as when we are in the UK

It's a big decision for us as you always want to do what is best for your children and perhaps we move back to the Uk and she does not settle there

We have been through a lot here, our son had to have an operation, I had a scare in the hospital, my daughter was diagnosed with something she will have to live with something for the rest of her life and we bought a house a year ago and now do not know if I can handle going through selling it this year or renting it out and perhaps have the worry if it is empty.

Finally my husbands job is here although he travels overseas a lot and we have not mentioned it yet to the employer however we have both said that if his job will not follow him back to the Uk we will both find other jobs.

I like it here but I don't love it and know we will never truly settle, yes there are things I really do not like in the UK but its home.

24kmagic17 Wed 01-Feb-17 23:01:39

Oh oodles, my heart goes out to you. My dad went to OZ when he was five. He returned back to England aged 66 because I moved here and he had no other family. He never got used to being here ( four years) and longed for Australia and friends and wanted to go back ( unfortunately got ill and passed away before he could). I deeply regret asking him to come here, to big a change when his whole life and memories were in Australia. I really hope there is a chance you can afford to go back.

Newbrummie Wed 01-Feb-17 17:54:31

oodlesofpoodle - can you no go back ?

oodlesofpoodle Wed 01-Feb-17 17:53:19

I had lived in Australia for near on 50 years. Why I moved back to England with my husband, I can't recall. He had just been treated for renal cancer, two of my beloved dogs died prematurely from cancer too though we lived an organic, healthy life!
We moved back to England. We lost a lot of money, our savings in a housing scam. We've been back in UK 6 years. The rubbish, feeling constantly closed in by busy traffic and people who walk grimly through every day, being neglected by a stretched NHS - I've become agoraphobic and don't feel safe anywhere, EVER. I can't get mental health care even though I've been suicidal with homesickness and knowing I can NEVER afford to return home. The deep grief, overwhelming sadness at knowing my lovely life is over forever; our health problems and difficulties that have developed through ageing, reduced finances is all so very final. We've lost everything we worked so hard for and I can't ever return to see my elderly family- well, what can I say... It's like experiencing the death of my village. And I'm not sure I'll tolerate it well.
If you are settled anywhere, have family, friends, pets, love and enough money to enjoy each day, STAY THERE. You too, could feel as I do for every breath of life you have left! It's so terribly sad. I'm glad to have found a place I can say this openly.
I hope there's peace to be found within me, some future day. And I hope I can get the support I need from somewhere.
Thanks for reading this.

Newbrummie Sun 29-Jan-17 12:48:20

Job was easy enough for me, finding a house was a whole different ball game. We live in an absolute dump because it was all we could get renting privately

pjc1151 Sat 28-Jan-17 05:07:38

How are you going with the UK now?. job easy to get houses? cost of living?. if you wouldnt mind replying. much appreciated. were thinking of moving back. uk born n bread , aus has nothing for us. no family etc etc.

pjc1151 Sat 28-Jan-17 05:04:31

do what your heart tells you . all the very best. hugs
you can reply to me if you want to. I wana move back to uk cos like you said no love here as in family. my kids are adults n my son is so down and sick of melbourne . he def needs a brand new start. theyre adults but we need each other if we do move back to uk then he at least can move on .my head is all over the place thinking about how to do it all. i will at least get a council house in uk as i am retired, here in australia ill be on the streets. any ADVICE ANYONE ??

pjc1151 Sat 28-Jan-17 04:57:42

I was born in uk and kids can live there is we move back. I married an aussie now divorced. I have lived in melb since 1978. no connections here as far as family related. I know nobody can give us an answer yes or no but just wana see what does anyone think from australia we have no family here but in uk we do. any advice please appreciated . Patricia.

pjc1151 Sat 28-Jan-17 04:53:52

hello myself son and daughter who live with me are adults. Ihave been here in melbourne since 1978. i am stuck in life and thinking of moving back to liverpool. i have no family here. i miss the uk and me and my kids all feel so lost and my son is hating life here in melbourne as nothing is working out for him . to try to see if we can do it to move back. to uk what would be a hindrance to us?. any advice would be so appreciated
thanks Pat x

Bobby2013 Wed 25-Jan-17 08:48:04

Thank you - it's more hard because we're in limbo. We at least have a date now in mind, it's just over two weeks away until we can pack up and go. I'm counting down the days!

ifink Sat 21-Jan-17 15:50:54

That sounds very hard bobby2013 - here's hoping it all works out one way or another. Returning to the UK isn't failure - it didn't work this time, nothing to stop you going on another adventure in the future.

Bobby2013 Tue 17-Jan-17 08:25:33

Thank you so much for this thread. We are in the Netherlands and it has gone Pete Tong, the job I thought was coming up didn't happen, we're in a tiny temporary apartment, and my DH has just lost out on a big job too. We're also caught up in Dutch administration nightmare, and have to get a lawyer involved. We'd be home by now if it were not that we have to hang on and see if we can sort it out before our money runs out. I am so homesick, I wanted to return in September but DH insisted we try to make it work here. Had we gone back when we did half our woes would not have happened. He sees going back as failure, while I see it as being practical in the face of dwindling savings and living in a tiny apartment with our toddler DD, all under one another's feet and going mental. Each day I'm just hanging around waiting on emails back from lawyers to see if our situation can be sorted. I know the UK is going through s**t at the moment, but we would have my mother's house to stay in while we got ourselves straight again. I just have to keep telling myself it's a matter of weeks until we get back, that all of this will be resolved. I think I was very 'green' about what living abroad would be like, that it would be like a bag of magic beans that would change our lives. Now I can see it doesn't matter where you go, it's only you that can make those changes. I've certainly had a dose of reality, and so if anything that's something to take away from this experience. Sorry to ramble on, I'm just so pleased there's somewhere I can write this down!

ifink Fri 13-Jan-17 11:27:45

I have just moved back to the UK. We were away for 6 years in total in two different countries. So far so good I think. It just snowed which was pretty exciting! I do feel a little removed from people and the initial excitement from other parents at meeting someone new who was living overseas will wane pretty quickly I fear. Finding school places has been an absolute nightmare for my DS in particular (year 2).....I'm feeling absolutely exhausted from all the admin involved for which I was woefully underprepared to face as i spent so much time thinking about leaving the country we were in, not joining the 'new' one. I feel confident though about the career and training opportunities I can now progress -which I couldn't do as an expat. So yes, positive so far but its early days I know.

naturalbaby Fri 13-Jan-17 09:35:46

Hi, I'm been mulling over whether to move or not for a while. Ds is coming up to secondary school age, which was when we planned on moving back. Our kids education has been my priority but I feel like they're missing out on a lot because we don't speak the language fluently or fully understand the system, so can't get the best out of it.

I feel like the only reason I really want to move back is for my career and social life, both of which I gave up when we moved. Life is better here all round but I can't stop thinking about jobs and training I could do back home. Considering my options here feels like settling for something I don't really want.

scottswede Sat 07-Jan-17 11:05:07

manyhappydaysoutside Sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately it probably happens like that for a lot of families trying to make huge decisions about where is best. More often than not one family member is usually less happy with whatever decision is made.
I would hate to see us split the family but I wouldn't be surprised if it did in the end.
I love dh and our family unit and will do what needs to be done to preserve it.
When asking "What's best for the family? then one adult is usually making that decision based on what makes them happy.
It is so hard to see your own life objectively.

Velocitractor Sat 07-Jan-17 07:54:17

Manyhappydays - flowers that sounds like a horrible situation. Exh and I couldn't work it out with where to live, we were just incompatible I think. But it took us 6 years before realising that and I can remember the feelings of resentment between us (both ways I think) from then. I hope you manage to find a solution whether here or in Aus.

Velocitractor Sat 07-Jan-17 07:50:06

Took me a while before I realised this was originally an old thread!

After 8 years abroad, I moved back to the UK with 2 small dc (from DK) in 2009. I lasted 13 months before moving back to DK. I found it difficult to adjust and there were some small differences in the culture of raising a family that I hadn't noticed when on holiday in the UK but really noticed when living again in the UK with dc. That year was a real eye-opener for me. We moved back in 2010 (have since divorced and exh, not British or Danish, has moved to a completely different country) and I have my moments but overall have realised that while I love visiting the UK, it is much easier to live here with dc and generally I like the lifestyle here more. Funnily enough OP, I now have a Swedish dp and we're looking to buy a house here (in DK) now!

I do a British cornershop order now and then to stock up on missed foods, Skype is great for UK family and friends and we go back a few times a year (flights often cheaper than train tickets and my family are incredibly spread out over the UK!) so we've found a good balance now I think. Took some years of settling and working it all out though!

Surreyblah Sat 07-Jan-17 07:32:13

Why did you decide to stay overseas OP? You still don't sound happy.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Sat 07-Jan-17 07:21:40

We were overseas (the Gulf) for 13 years. Moved back once elder dd was coming up to senior school, since we had seen too much of what Dh called 'overseas daughter syndrome' - I.e. away so many years, never able to settle back home, and feeling that a country they are never going to be a citizen of, is home. Also, although it was a wonderful life when dds were little, it would have been very unnatural once they were older - never doing 'normal' things like taking public transport, being driven everywhere, etc.

I have never regretted coming back - obviously it's different if you actually emigrate - except of course for tax free salaries. Non stop sun can get very boring and the summers were frankly horrible.

I have a long-widowed sister who has been in the US for over 30 years (east coast) and is increasingly talking about moving back. She says she still doesn't really feel at home there in the way she does here - misses the pubs! - and the politics really get up her nose, especially lately. And the climate where she lives is not very nice - very long, very cold, winters and very hot and humid summers, fly screens on all the windows because of the midges.

She has a daughter living on the other side of the country, who she doesn't see often anyway, and as she says, it's almost as cheap and easy to fly there from London as it is from her neck of the US.
I have told her more than once that while certain things get up her nose there, she will certainly find other things getting up her nose here, too, but I think she's well aware of that.

manyhappydaysoutside Fri 06-Jan-17 21:49:08

Thank you for your thoughts. I really appreciate your kindness.

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