Moving away from family(11 Posts)
What if moving to a sunny country 11 hours flight from home with beautiful scenary, having a gorgeous house with a pool and beaches but means being away from my family. Well mine as DH family is over there. Day to day things easier over there but in the long run im worried about DCs growing up in SA - Cape Town more precisely. You can never win and being an international couple is great but has its frustration... It's so hard to know if as parents we are making the right decision.
We are moving to singapore shortly. Reality is we live where we live to be near family. Fiends we make because we live where we do. Although i am leaving some good friends which will be hard. Family is very hard, but hoping they will visit and facetime lots. Hoping that when we do see them it will be more quality time. Know its not the same but we are viewing it as great opportunity for kids. If doesn't work out then we can always come home. It,s hard though
Remember the saying - "Bloom where you are planted"
Look on it as an adventure. You are giving your family wide exposure to different cultures and lifestyles, making them more rounded people.
When I look at my lad, chatting in German to other kids, and some of the experiences he's had, which he would never have had in the UK I feel great about it, I know the experience of living outside the UK has been a great opportunity for him.
It's difficult. I am in the enviable position of having healthy parents, mine visit at least twice a year - normally on their way to somewhere else. DHs not so much. They flew to Switzerland to see us and Antwerp. KL is seven hours too far . Suits me just fine.
I wouldn't move to SA with children. I think for being a mixed SA couple better off in the UK. Personally or most places. I would have to be dragged to raising a family in SA. Work in the UK, get your pensions and then go to SA and be really rich.
It kinda sucks.
Only I'm even further away - 22h min. Beaches, sun, scenery - yeah yeah.
Am back in the UK visiting friends and family just now and really wishing I didn't have to go back, or that someone would just get on and invent the bloody teleport machine!
Only good thing is that I didn't have any troubles getting DS1 into a decent school - Aussie system = if you're in catchment, you get a place in the school and if it's full then they put on another class, or if necessary build another school, but there's none of the stupid shenanigans that goes on over here.
I hate putting my children into a situation where nobody loves them but their parents. We have lots of friends, all of whom have children. We have a lot of fun with them. But they have nobody to show when they lose a tooth or win a trophy who actually cares.
My lovely friends know this is how I feel and how sad it makes me so they do try to fill the gaps. Tonight after school we are going to a friends house as my dd has just read a whole book for the first time, so she is going over there to read it to my friend. And she's lovely my friend she really is and she likes my dd very much but it's not 'real'. She's doing it because she's lovely, not because she loves my dd like my mother does or my sister.
The good thing about South Africa is that there's not much time difference so makes skyping etc easier- we're 8 hrs ahead of uk which means family usually want to Skype during bedtime bedlam . I didn't live near my parents in the uk and as we only had kids once we moved here they don't really know any different to only seeing granny a few times a year- I go back for a month in the summer, work permitting, and they come out twice for a few weeks. We alternate Christmases. I feel like we see them enough but if you're used to seeing GPs every day and getting a lot of practical help then it'll be a big change. However, at least in RSA help is affordable.
I have a friend who moved back to JHB a few years ago. She says life has its frustrations and there are occasional worrying political flare ups, but their quality of life is amazing in terms of access to beaches, wildlife etc and just a more relaxed pace of life
Wally has some good advice. It has to be an adventure and if the positives of a move overseas don't outweigh the negatives, then maybe it's not for you. I know people who tried moving away but it was too difficult to manage relationships with family at home, they missed them too much, so decided to return. It's not for everyone.
I moved away from my family aged 18 and haven't lived back there for 22 years, dh is the same. We have lovely families who we keep in touch with and visit for a couple of weeks every year, and they visit us but dh and my dcs are my family. We are independent but joined to family in the uk by elastic that stretches round the world
Dh used to work in Cape Town and we took dd1 there for a winter sun holiday when she was 2, it was amazing!
Thanks for all your valuable input. after days of talking, going over it we decided to stay in the UK. We are looking to leave London for a more countryside life. It's hard -esp for DH but we will ask his mum to come live with us few months/year- and I do miss the CT weather/scenary but we think it's better for our DCs (esp as they grow older). Both have pros/cons. Looking forward to go on holiday.
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