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How do you get over wanting to go home?

(6 Posts)
ProbablyJustGas Wed 17-Apr-13 09:42:17

Sorry to unload, but maybe there is some good advice here from folks who have been through the same?

I've been living in Scotland for 7 years now and never intended to stay this long. At first, it was for a degree. Then, I was in love with a boy, had a job in my field and didn't want to move back in with my parents, so I stayed on Fresh Talent. Then, that boy and I broke up and I grew to hate my job, but the economy in Massachusetts was starting to tank and the next job was really interesting and still in Scotland, so I stayed on Tier 1. Then, I fell in love again and got married. DH happens to have a 7 y.o. child, and she is a wonderful kid.

DH and I both agreed, long before we got married, that we would stay here for at least 10 more years while DSD grows up. It is the least bad option for our family, especially for DSD. So, even if we got the chance to move tomorrow, with a really cushy lifestyle to go with it, we couldn't take it - would be heartbreaking for everybody.

That doesn't stop my homesickness though, which comes and goes regularly, still, after 7 bloody years. It has gotten worse since DH and I found out we're expecting a baby. Last night, we were talking about wills, and who would be the baby's guardian in the event we both die. I can get along fine with DH's family for the most part, but I really don't want his relatives to raise our kid - my family's values are a lot more in line with mine and DH's. And when we heard about the bombs in Boston (I am from SE Mass and still have a lot of old friends living near or working there), I've just felt totally useless and cut off from home and want desperately to go back.

So, seeing as that is not an option for at least several years, given DSD's and DH's well-being and all that, how the hell do I get over it and stop feeling like crap?

(It also doesn't help that I am really fed up with the climate this year, either. Weather forecast in my hometown is 16C and sunny. Weather here is 6C and rain. Last summer, I was still wearing my winter coat in July....)

WhataSook Wed 17-Apr-13 11:32:52

Hi, I didn’t want to read and run but I don’t really have any advice sorry although I do know how you are feeling as I was extremely homesick during my pregnancy when the hormones first kicked in, then it seemed to get better…until DD was born and then I was very homesick again! I would call and skype nearly every day and that did help as I felt I was able to show DD to my parents and friends etc (but yes, it’s not the same as face to face).

Can you organise a trip home during your pregnancy and see whether your family/friends can come out once you LO is born, say after 3 months?

ProbablyJustGas Wed 17-Apr-13 15:52:40

Thanks. Good to hear it's somewhat normal. I am going home for a few weeks in July, so that will help. It just seems ages away right now. I might give everyone a call this week again and catch up some more.

Saltedcaramellavacake Wed 17-Apr-13 16:35:12

Throw yourself into your life in Scotland. Make the best friends you can. Speak to your old US friends. Visit them and stay connected if you can. It is so hard, but I found that once I had my babies in a place, I had to be dragged kicking and screaming away from it for our next move - there was something that suddenly turned my adopted country into "home" after it became my babies' birthplace and the place I enjoyed/survived the early years of motherhood. I'm not sure how rational that is, if at all, but it was my experience. Hang in there. I usually find these bouts of homesickness come in waves and the thing is to just ride it.

Salbertina Wed 17-Apr-13 17:07:39

Visits home
US friends to hang out with where you live on occasion
American comedies/fave foods etc?

Acceptance- being pregnant is bound to make you feel more emotional/homeward-looking, not wrong, just human

Clueless2727 Wed 17-Apr-13 17:26:32

Not in the same situation but just wanted to post as i have a friend in a very similar position. She met an english guy on holiday and moved to the uk from the states. (She also has sc in uk) She now says that until she had children she found it hard, but has now made some very good friends through going to baby groups and now views uk as home. Hopefully having your first baby will help. I certainly forged some strong friendships with other mums. She also goes home to the states for a couple of weeks each year which helps. The other thing she did was move out of a built up area and buy a smaller house but with more land which she said helped as felt claustrophobic in town.

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