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Help me work out when is best time to move back to UK, considering my dc age please

(17 Posts)
ernesttheBavarian Thu 11-Apr-13 16:19:03

We have been out of UK since 2000. SUddenly dh wants to move back shock shock shock shock shock x a billion.

Anyway, he isn't in a hurry, possibly a couple of years time, possible 5 or so. I'm trying to get my head around when would be the best time. I actually think for me right now would be best (I really want to go back to work. Am desperately trying to improve my German, but feel really trapped by the language) So If I went back now I could be looking to return to work in an english speaking environment which would massively improve my chances and opportunities.

Ds1 is failing in school here because he is lazy. He gets in at 1 and does not have the discipline or motivation to do the necessary work, so I really think the English school system would suit him better. We haven't said anything to the dc, but ds1 has been asking for ages to move to an english speaking country. ds 2 is happy here and think he would find the move hard.

Anyway, my 4 are
ds August '99
ds Jan '01
ds Nov '03
dd June '08

Move this summer - (I think - is this correct?)
ds1 start of year 10, start of GCSE course
ds2 would be year 8?
ds3 would be year 6?
dd would be year 1? - she would possibly loose her bilingualism?

Move summer 2015
ds1 would have finished school & be starting uni?
ds2 would be year 10, start of GCSE course.
ds3 would be year 8?
dd would be year 3?

Move summer 2017
ds1 uni?
ds2 would have finished school & be starting uni?
ds3 would be year 10, start of GCSE course.?
dd would be year 5?

If we waited till ds 1 & 2 finished school, we could possibly buy a smaller house in UK?

I moved house when I was 13 and it was a terrible time to move (for me) so really want to consider best time for all 4 dc

thanks for any views

admylin Fri 12-Apr-13 08:04:03

Hi Ernest, wow that's great news! It must be really difficult to 'do the right thing' for all 4 but if you're seeing that ds1 is failing here in Germany then maybe the sooner the better so that he has a chance at the GCSE's.

Also, when my 2 were back in UK school for a short spell I noticed that they were miles ahead in maths for example so would have had more time to catch up in English. Your ds1 will probably be far ahead in languages so German GCSE would be easy and is he doing French or Latin now? Whichever, he'll be ahead of his age group.

pupsiecola Fri 12-Apr-13 09:13:22

We are returning to the UK in 2 weeks because my ds 2 (age 8) is failing here and is very unhappy and stressed. School have not been at all supportive, despite huge fees and unfortunately most of the big international schools here have the same attitude. Their websites say as much too - that they cannot provide learning support. But a) ds 2 had no learning issues before he came here and b) the school we chose is newish and haven't had a waiting list so weren't turning anyone away (we're not the only family this has happened to). Don't even get me started on that...!

But I truly believe that the UK state system is exactly what he needs. He will be offered learning support so that he can catch up and get back to his normal happy self. Have actually managed to get into a really good state school in Winchester which also feeds into one of the best comps in the country, and we have to apply for ds1 in October. So all worked out well and I know the kids will settle quickly back in the UK.

We were only gonna be here 2 years anyway (been here 1) cos like you say, don't want to uproot the kids in those teenage years.

I think too it depends what type of person you are. I personally would struggle in the no man's land of knowing a move is on the cards and where to etc but years away. But then I'm a gut feel sort of a person and once I've decided sth I take action.

Sorry. Not much help at all. But I wanted to say having struggled with this decision for many months I feel a huge amount of relief having made it, found schools, booked flights etc.

Good luck to you!

pupsiecola Fri 12-Apr-13 09:16:09

Should have said, am in Singapore.

Timetoask Fri 12-Apr-13 09:19:39

Well, if DS1 is failing school there and you think he would be better in the UK isn't it better if you move as soon as possible? Rather than wait for uni?
What are the job prospects for your family in the uk?

LIZS Fri 12-Apr-13 09:26:13

If you came back in 2015 ds1 would be starting A levels and he'd need to choose the subjects before arrival. Think the issue with moving this year would be an already reluctant ds2 joining an established year group but having said that once you have made the decision it is probably easier to go sooner rather than later.

ernesttheBavarian Fri 12-Apr-13 15:22:40

Thanks for your pov. I am really torn bwn now and ages (eg 7 years).

Ds1 is currently in the 7th class and 1 year below his chronological age. Being born end of August, and eingeschult in Switzerland aged 7. But that means being in 7th class now and in September jumping straight to 10th class. This makes me nervous.

I am pretty sure he won't be able to make any choices before he moved, we cannot register him (for a state school) until we actually live in england - that's what we were told when we considered moving 4 years ago.

I think where we are is perfect for the kids and they have a lovely life here in a small place, schools and kindergartens and all their friends on the doorstep. I hate to take them from that.

but ds 1 & 2 are struggling and we as a couple haven't made friends and have no social life at all here.

I am (madly) even toying with the idea of moving over with ds1 and coming back at weekends, or boarding school (can't afford it!).

I think ds1 is bwn a rock and a hard place wrt school in England vs Germany.

Dh hasn't got a job. He hasn't been looking. He suggested the move mainly due to lack of social life, yet strangely he is the one saying later rather than sooner...?

ernesttheBavarian Fri 12-Apr-13 15:27:46

Sorry pupsiecola, meant to say sorry you've had a bad experience. And glad you are going back soon. You can feel the relief!

Ad, I dunno how I feel other than confused. The 4 kids have their lives here, their friends, they are very happy here. They have the freedom I don't think they would have in the UK. OTOH, ds 1 (&2 school, but ds2 sttarts crying even at the mention of moving, whereas ds1 keeps talking about moving, think he has inherited his dad's Wanderlust)

But me and dh haven't built our lives here.

You did the move back, dh here thing and it didn't work out. Any tips or points? (Just had the idea maybe dh could move back with ds1 and me stay here with the 3 younger ones till it worked out time wise...?) Splitting the family not great though.

ZZZenagain Fri 12-Apr-13 15:36:08

what would be the point though in the younger 3 staying on in Germany longer if they are going to move to the UK anyway later on? Surely the longer they are in one school system, the more difficult the transfer will be. If your idea is that dh returns to Germany to rejoin you and the longer 3 after ds1 has finished schooling, do you really think he will want to do that if he feels he lacks a social life there?

I think you should try and keep the family together personally, whatever decision you make re location.

I suppose you have looked at state boarding for ds1 if ideally you want to stay in Germany?

ernesttheBavarian Fri 12-Apr-13 15:43:35

I meant for ds 1 and dh to move over and me eventually join him later, not him return here. Point being ds2 would be able to completely finish school here, as change for him is so hard.

Then we could move ds3 into the english school at the start of secondary school, so again, fewer changes for him.

I agree, keeping the family together is ideal, but I feel being pulled in opposite directions for moving now good for ds1, bad for other 3, moving later bad for ds1, good for other 3.

I didn't know there were state boarding schools. I looked at a boarding school but it was so expensive there is no way we could afford it, and I don't have any relatives he could stay with. Will try to search though. Thanks for idea.

LIZS Fri 12-Apr-13 15:48:04

I think you need to address the issues for ds1 then the implications for the others. If he isn't particularly self motivated the longer you leave him where he is the less likely he is to develop those skills and harder the transition may be. At 16 he'd have the option of 6th form and FE College courses as well as school 6th forms but he may not yet have achieved the criteria to start A level/NVQ level 3 courses if he has been taught "behind". Presumably you now perceive your longterm future in UK, in which case why is DH resisting - does he find change difficult ?

ernesttheBavarian Fri 12-Apr-13 16:00:01

dunno why dh suggesting it, but then wants to wait? He is a big fan of changing and we've moved as a result every 4 years. Was only just thinking to myself how we've been here nearly 5 years hmm

I think ds1 being older would be happy enough in UK. but the younger 3 have a great quality of life and freedom that I think they would completely loose in UK, well, certainly the youngest 2. maybe I'm wrong.

ZZZenagain Fri 12-Apr-13 16:48:13

would depend a bit where you ended up. Maybe dh wants to move but have plenty of time to plan and organise it? Or is he just testing the waters, to see how you react?

MrsPeeWee Fri 12-Apr-13 16:55:02

I would do it sooner rather than later. Simply because if you don't, you may have to come to terms with a couple of your DC not coming back to the UK with you. I think they would feel a lot better settled now, rather than later.

ernesttheBavarian Fri 12-Apr-13 17:30:42

I thought at first he was just sounding out the idea, but he has emailed the heads of a couple of schools, looked at house prices in a chosen area, and when I said this is sounding more definite, and he said it was a matter of when not if. But weirdly again said later not sooner.

If it is in 7 years, ds 1 and 2 would be off to uni, but dd and ds3 would def have to move with us - she is only 4!

I guess something would have to happen (dh getting job or something to push it. for me personally this summer would be ideal.

will have to try to talk to dh again (had 2 eveings this week where we talked seriously, 1st time was his bombshell and coming to the decision we would leave DE. Second was a reiteration cos I couldn't believe it. Will see what he says. I guess id ds1 and ds2 make it through this year it will at least take the pressure off. If they fail, it would again be a consideration? They don't get the Zeugnis till July though, do they?

ZZZenagain Fri 12-Apr-13 20:51:25

here

This is about state boarding. What happens is your dc attends a school which you could normally access free. It is a normal state school, so you are not charged for the schooling, but you have to pay for the boarding. It seems that works out at about 10,000 p.a.

Have no experience of them and have never heard anyone's experiences of them either but if no good solution comes up for ds1, it might be worth investigating.

ernesttheBavarian Sat 13-Apr-13 08:28:05

Thanks. Sounds really good.

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