I live in Australia with my Aussie dh and daughters, my lovely parents live in the UK where I grew up.
My folks are becoming increasingly old (not ancient yet - dad's 70ish mum a bit younger). Anyway they've had a really crappy time over the last 8 months or so and my brothers (both in the UK) have been USELESS. Mum has been quite poorly and my dear old dad has looked after her pretty much on his own. I would dearly love them to come and live here, but know nothing of the legalities/immigration rules etc. They are considering moving from their current house and I think they should (
) come and retire out here to the sunshine where I can look after them.
I'll head off and google the immigration rules but wondered if anyone had done this already and if it was easy? Parents had settled ok? Got any advice?
Mums condition is ongoing but not life threatening or anything majorly serious. But she would need healthcare. Dad is reasonably healthy apart from general old person (bad knee etc) problems.
I'd be really grateful for any advice or tales of experience.
Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.
Living overseas
Anyone moved their ageing parents o/s to live with/near them?
ClaudiaSchiffer · 03/04/2013 05:04
Hi Tortoise! How lovely to talk to you.
You raise a good point - re dh - I'm just kind of ignoring him at the moment, but he would go utterly nutsoid if they moved over here and it actually cost us lots of $$$ to look after them.
It's hard because if they did move here then that would mean we would be forced to stay here and dh would have to give up on any plans/hopes/dreams to move to Sydney or Melbourne (poor bastard).
That's very good of you to buy somewhere for your mum. Is it nearer you? I've seen a REALLY EXPENSIVE house just round the corner from me which would be perfect for my folks if they (or I) had a spare million. 
Thanks Tortoise. Good luck with it all, I presume you're selling it all as a "fabulous investment opportunity" to your dh?
MrsTP, yeah, the healthcare thing is a worry. However, I've just looked at the visa rules here and it looks like healthcare would be covered by Medicare. But it also looks like they wouldn't be eligible for a visa as the majority of their (useless) children live in the UK.
We're in the process of going back to the UK as my parents are finding life increasingly difficult. Why am I having to arrange cleaners/valet/mobile pedicure when my sister lives an hour away?
Oh I know, I know.
Needless to say I'm only in the Netherlands, but even if I just throw my handbag and children in the car this minute it's 12 hours if I don't have to wait for a ferry.
hi reluctant Yes, social services have been involved (via Age Concern who are AMAZING! and will advocate on their behalf) and like yours, I managed to get my mother after-30-years 
to finally apply for DLA. It does seem though that these people prefer to dish out cash and for the OAPs to make arrangements themselves. You know, like that bullshit "carer" thing where the carer won't actually do anything unless specifically asked. So in reality it's preferable that I move closer to them and take on the responsibilities which I rightly ought.
The flip-side here; my parents said they'd like to live nearby. A new group of houses were being built locally, so we sent details, prices, etc and back came the answer that they'd like to buy one.
We asked again and again if they were certain. There were public access issues with the garden and my DH said that personally, he wouldn't touch it with a barge-pole and still they said that they wanted to proceed. In the meantime, they put their UK house on the market.
We oversaw the building project and the legalities, of which there were many. The payments were due on the first two (of seven) stages and were paid by my parents. Then, as their house didn't sell, the remaining stages needed to be paid by us. We asked again if they still wanted to continue, as it would require major financial restructuring on our part (remortgaging our house, pension payment readjustments, using all of our savings, etc). Yes, came the reply. OK, we said and paid the remainder of the stages, taxes and legal bills.
Then they changed their minds. 
As they were in the UK, it was up to us to sell the house but not before we had to pay for the build to be completed, utilities connected, etc, etc. Then pay to sell it, power of attorney, taxes, more bills and financial crap.
Four years later, I am still but my DH, who is of this neck of the woods, was remarkably laid back about the whole thing and it only makes me love him even more. The moral of story; make absolutely sure that they really want to move and that you have a huge shovel to tidy up the mess when they don't . Grrr.
I'm only a hours' flight from the UK Claudia, not too far away at all. Still, the guilt is a major factor in decisions and it shouldn't be. When I was young, I can remember my parents having a huge argument when they decided to moved 250 miles from aunt, uncle, cousins and both sets of grandparents. I was banished to another room but heard every single word, all said in anger and I've never been able to shake the guilt I felt as an eight-year old. I wondered whether being the eldest female of the family had an influence on my belief that it was my responsibility to care for my parents but that has been blown out of the water by friends in similar situations, youngest sons, middle daughters, etc, all feel the same 'obligation', underpinned by love.
To answer your question, they're fine. We wrote off their debt, as we felt that we were in a better position to absorb it than they were and then they went and bought a buy-to-let in the next village.
I've worked in Melbourne and, years ago, actually spoke to my parents about living in Australia and whether they'd fancy it too. The spider factor resulted in a resounding 'NO' so maybe I will after all .
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