Will it really take 2 years to settle?(16 Posts)
We have been in Perth for 8 months now and I am as miserable now as I was in the beginning. I have settled in at work but not really made any friends as my age/dc ages are different from others so no ready made group to join. I feel like a stupid teenager when i hear other people,organising meeting up and I'm not invited as my dc are little, it makes me want to weep.
If I had known it would be so hard to make new friends I would never had come.
Everyone has been kind and helpful but I 've just not clicked with anyone. We have 2 families from school that we do things with once or twice a month but apart from that I see no one, haven't had people to the house since Boxing Day! I feel that I have tried at every opportunity to get along with/catch up with people but its just not happening. I work shifts which doesn't help and dh doesn't work so no colleagues there.
Of course I know that it takes time, but I can't help but feel that I don't want to miserable for another 8 months.
And don't even start me on the cost of living
It does come together in the end. I found it took 2 years though, yes. Follow up on every opportunity. Are there MNetters in your area? Local books groups? Expat groups? You do have to push yourself out there imho. (((Hugs))) though because I know it can be a very lonely and demoralising time.
How old are your dc?
Do you/dh have any interests and/or hobbies that could be done with others?
Any neighbours you enjoy?
Are your dc in school?
I found that it works best if you come into contact regularly with a group of people with similar interests (sports / activities, school groups, church, etc). The regular contact allows you to 'bump into' people regularly, without the formality of making arrangements. Eventually the regular contact can lead to friendships.
In the meantime, make plans at the weekends. Go exploring, take a picnic to a park, etc. Sitting 'round by yourself with no plans can heighten the sense of loneliness.
How little are your DC - if your DH is a stay at home dad can he take them to a toddler group and invite anyone he meets to bring their whole family over to yours at the weekend for a BBQ perhaps...
I really feel for you. We have been in the US for 9 months now and I have days when I feel like you do, though I'm the SAHP and DH is out at work all day.
Sometimes I have to force myself to go out but I've started to look at literally every outing, even if just to the supermarket, as an opportunity to meet people. Are you somewhere very international? I'm always listening out for British accents as a conversation starter. Even brief chats can lead to pointers re clubs you haven't heard of etc.
I have a toddler and am also pregnant so if I'm on a bus, out for a walk, whatever, I'll home in on other people who look to be in a similar position. It's amazing where small talk can lead. I might sound a bit like a crazy stalker but what I've found here is that because the population is so transient, links are formed very quickly, particularly when you've got similar aged children in common.
Now I sound reallycrazy but today I got talking to a man with two children on the bus, he's a SAHD and turns out he lives round the corner from us. So, at the weekend, DH and I are meeting up with him and his wife and children for a few drinks/kids can play together in the garden.
Other things I'd recommend are mum and baby classes at the weekend if you're working in the week, La Leche League if that's your thing, try the local British school if there is one. Ours runs a free playgroup two mornings a week.
I think yes it can take 2 years! We didn't move abroad but we might as well have done. We're coming up to our 3rd anniversary of moving here.
1st anniversary - I was miserable and wished we'd never moved here. Had no friends and was unhappy.
2nd anniversary - dh had lost his job and started a new one back near where we moved from! But dc and I stayed as we had friends.
Approaching 3rd anniversary - have really good support network of friends (tested to the limits when my dad died). Despite dh still working away AND being 6hours from any family, none of us want to move and start again!
Can I join you?
We're in Perth too, and I haven't settled. I'd have been here 2 years in October, and hate it the same as when we arrived. I've made few friends, but no one close like I had in the uk. It's just like starting up again.
My dd's are 3.6 and 20 mo, and although they are at groups like swimming and gym, I have ladies to talk to, but no proper friends, and I'm sick of it.
We are struggling money wise too, cos it is mega expensive.
Personally I can't see the fascination in living here, apart from the sun, bu I couldn't care less about he weather quite frankly.
The clothes shops here are dire too. I've been getting deliveries from M&S and Debenhams. If I stopped that I might as well cut off my right arm.
My dh is happy here, which is gonna be, and is a massive problem at the moment. We're on business visas, so nobodies really.
wibbly pig are you in DC by any chance? If so, please feel free to PM me. We arrived here about 3 months ago from the UK with dd (4) and ds (2) - DH is SAHP, I am working but around at weekends!
Have any of you tried meetup groups in your area? There are loads everywhere and seem to cater for every interest under the sun.... Even if you can't pinpoint an interest, there must be a book / expat / craft / mums club in your area...
It can take a while but the hardest part is pushing yourself out there and just inviting people round, asking if they have time for a coffee, if they go to a decent gym that you can join, if their kids want to come round for a play date etc. Its a hugely un-British thing to do but I think it's one of the most important aspects of settling in.
Ps - if not, why not set up your own meet up group?
Whereabouts are you, fellow Perth people? I'm in Rockingham, maybe we should have a meet?
It took me about 2 years to settle when Moved to the uk. It took about that amount of time to become properly friendly with people I actually clicked with. I found I had to accept every invite, even if it was with people I thought probably wouldn't end up being close friends, and I also got practiced at inviting myself places without feeling cringy about it.
Parent groups at DC's school/pre-school? Maybe join a hobby group eg a book club, which you can go to by yourself? Sometimes it's easier to chat to people when you don't have the kids there then family things can be arranged later. Does one or both of you and DH play a sport? I met loads of people through a sport I played even though I'm not really any good at it - the email banter and nights out you get through a social sport team can keep you going! Good luck!
Glasto we're in the Nothern Suburbs, just south of Wanneroo.
My dh loves it here, he's in a rugby club, and works, so it has been easy for him, but not so much for me, as I've had to go out there to random places, where he got told about the rugby club by a work colleague, ta dah.
Thanks for the replies and hugs, much needed. I do go to play group/ dance class and school stuff when shifts allow then dh goes, I think it's just frustrating trying to start again with everything and friendships for me have been left to last after sorting the kids out.
Long distance I am just round the corner from you, shall we all try to meet up soon?
Just picked this post up.
Where are you giggly? I'm in Madeley.
We need a mumsnet meet up with lots of fab Aussie wine that costs is more to buy here than in tescos lol
I was ready to jump back on a plane three months ago but now I'm happy in Australia, still not convinced Perth is the place for me but I'm staying for the next five years for sure.
It is a hard place to make friends and meet men as I'm now in the position of having to do but I'm sure I will get there. And you will too :-)
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