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Meeting new people and making friends

(5 Posts)
bankofbigland Wed 31-Oct-12 11:04:02

Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts/advice. It feels to me a bit like going on a date, something I haven't done for a long time and I don't like it too much. It is not like making friends at work where you see people every day, doing something rather than just meeting for coffee and you get to know people over a long period of time.

fanny75 Wed 31-Oct-12 18:05:06

I totally agree, I feel like a fish out of water! And I really don't like it. I thought it would be easier now I have a DS, but not so. I know people say having a dog is a good way to meet people! That's my only tip wink

Engelsemama Wed 31-Oct-12 18:13:41

I have been living overseas for 5 and a half years and am only just starting to have people who I consider as proper friends. The first (and biggest)bunch are people I know through work. The second group are people I've met through an evening language class. The second group does tend to change and shrink as people move away (none are natives to this country).

I got very excited at making a friend through tap class a few years ago but then we fell out of touch when the class ended.

I think you have to be active in building relationships i.e. doing things, but sometimes it just happens naturally as well (someone on another thread recently said that relationships are like farts. If you have to force them, they're probably shit. Guess you could say the same thing about friendships!)

I made a new friend of a colleague a few years ago when I found out she lived near me and gave her a lift to school for a few months. She came to see me and DS when I was on maternity leave and we ended up signing up for a 10k run together, after one of us mentioned it on facebook. We now try to run 3 times a week together.

bankofbigland Wed 31-Oct-12 18:56:33

thank you for your replies. It is a yucky saying, but true of friendships as well. This is our second place abroad and I am definitely guilty of forcing things where we used to live, basically because with two very small children at home in a new country I would have gone mad on my own, but I often felt worse in company you knew was just because you had nothing better to do. This time I have not done that and have let things wane where it seems there is no connection. Funnily I have meet two new people in the last few days and one I could see myself getting along with and the other it will probably be forced, but the latter is the one who lives nearby and is not working so there is a lot more scope for me to see her.

One thing I do tell myself is that it is probably that there is nothing seriously wrong with me, sometimes you don't click with people and even if you think you could, they are already established and do not have time for more people, especially if there is no underlying reason for you to meet.

It is just an ongoing struggle to find people you are comfortable with. In the end in the last place I found a couple and then we and some of them moved anyway.

fanny75 Sun 04-Nov-12 12:40:21

I've been here for almost 5 years, and I only have one friend, who is someone I'd probably never have been friends with at home as our paths would never have crossed. Well, I have my OH too. I certainly speak to people, and I try to meet up, but somehow nothing comes of the meeting ups. I don't seem to fit into their clique, I don't go to the gym, I don't go to their parties etc. Its really really hard. But to be honest, I'd rather have my own company than pretend to be somebody else just to try and fit in. And thank goodness for the internet!!

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